SKITS - MAY

110502
I don't download as much porn anymore. DAMN YOU, FACEBOOK!

jimmy: I heard obama go shot. oh well, going back to sleep...

anh: get dressed! I'm supposed to take you out for some air today!
sister: just to get into another building?
anh: YES!

asian. girls. in. shorts. must. RESIST!

chewing rare steaks takes forever!

dinh: we do have four seasons. we just skip all the sh@#ty ones! (speaking for californians)

I'm good with kids. they love me. and I'm not just talking about high schoolers

110503
sister: I came all the way from hong kong to catch up on american pop, but instead, I get a crash course in kpop?
anh: MUAHAHAA

raffy: I saw, I conquered, I came... twice

I trust you with my sister, rich... but I can't trust you with my brother!

don: she's a nutcase! why are you still with her?!
anh: cuz the sex is sooo good!

110504
I could change my own oil, but I ain't ruining these beautiful nails!

someone hook rich up with a hot nerd! his sexuality is now in question

110506
this dude has been making a racket since 8am with his lousy chainsaw! how much effort does it really take to trim a bush?! just shave the damn thing off!

I need to see more white people! asians are all starting to look alike to me

110507
hitler insisted that I email him my essay asap. whoa...

duh boss tried to zoom in on a MAC monitor by using the reverse pinching method like you would on an iphone. really?! hence his nickname

rich is going bear hunting. anyone interested, hit him up! animal activists, ask me for his address

110508
mom: have some chicken popeye!
anh: what?
mom: chicken popeye!
anh: chicken "popeye"? omigod, there isn't even any spinach in there! you mean chicken "pot pie"!

my nephew just called me "daddy" O_o

110510
when I first met my ex's mother, I mistakened her for the maid

rich: I can't afford to get spaghetti stains on me. you won't mind if I remove my white shirt, would you?
anh: no, I'm not a breast man

like my ex, rich also drives with his top down

I wanna play "crouching monkey, hidden dragon"

rich: you wouldn't like this brie anyway... it's american
anh: I eat american!
rich: I'm talking about cheese here!

110511
thanks to carmen, I have to wake up early just to get her a LARGE lee's coffee complete with whip cream for her last day in HELL tomorrow!

rich has a giant mirror hanging on the ceiling over his bed. what is that for?

girls, don't eat a banana in front of a guy. it's such a TEASE! mmm

BIG BANG's "stupid liar" is BANGin'! haa

110512
since it's carmen's last day in hell, she doesn't have to care much. she can just spend the whole day locked in the company restroom

anh: what is it? you have a complaint about the lee's coffee I got you?
mylene: yeah, it's too small...
anh: well, you'll get a large if you leave the company!

110514
Anhjun Lozfen has changed his relationship status to "What was I thinking?!"

MAGGIE Q is in PRIEST? I prefer my mother's face over hers! that's how bad it is!

I'm at a non-alcoholic party. thanks, keira!

110515
why does holy water have to burn so much?

110517
[texting]
anh: carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?
carmen: LOL
anh: break! go out for a smoke! raffy brought some green!
carmen: Well I'm glad you kinda miss me...that or you are really bored!
anh: wait. you're not in the restroom?
carmen: You crack me up!
anh: duh boss shaved his head
carmen: Liar! I would almost come back for that!
anh: haa oh yeah! it would be a site!
anh: *website

anh: why do I have to pay for everything?
girl: I give you sex
anh: so you're a prostitute?

[texting carmen]
carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?

jimmy: free sh@# at starbucks!
anh: actually, crap is free anywhere

kyle: you need to lay out those pages
rich: hey! if anything needs to get laid--
anh: you bring her to me!

don: how do you say "eiffel tower" in french?
anh: [with heavy french accent] "EIFFEL... TOWER"

anh: what's sarvy's little brother's name?
don: well, her older brother's name is SOLTAN
anh: so what's her little brother's? SOLARIS?!
don: BAHAHAA that's not even a human name!
anh: haa no! it's a frakkin' car! "SOLARIS XE"!

110518
kyle: hey! I'm having the same thing as anh for lunch!
anh: is it korean bbq ribs?
rich: I dunno
anh: i like eating koreans

my attempt at keeping my friend count at 69 has failed... countless times! for every friend I delete, I gain 5 more!

she's frakkin' 15! a little young for me... I'll wait till she's 16

110519
"have you ever been in a relationship so long that you're practically begging for them to cheat?" STEVE BYRNE

rich: so, are you going to any rapture parties?
anh: wait. the end of the world is friday night, right?
rich: technically, yes
anh: I'll party saturday night then

RICH's job position: WALKER

he basically walks around in the building holding his pretentious coffee mug, trying to look busy

duh boss showed up during lunch in the breakroom to talk about work?! what an ass

now, I'm curious about BRIDESMAIDS! yes, I'm a woman

110520
watching ATHENA (spinoff from overwhelmingly successful spy thriller series IRIS) and SOO AE is kicking serious ass! this one makes NIKITA feel like a ride in the stroller! think 24 meets BOURNE

110521
don: a lot of bad movies are good

to be on the safe side, date asian girls! they seem to get younger and younger. especially the ones I date!

110522
anh: to all the single girls out there, you'll find the right one when you least expect it!
brent: in the meantime, anh's number is...

110523
I must be hungry. I'm looking for my phone while being on the phone with someone

I swear. my sisters' dad is so used to have everything done for him. it's pathetic!

dad: what's for dinner?
mom: it's on the stove
dad: where's the stove?
mom: in the kitchen!
anh: where's the kitchen?!

110524
kyle: hey! how did you know what I just said in tagalog?
rich: your language is like your women... EASY!
anh: haa really? are they?
rich: well, they seem difficult to me!

rich: look, you need to add a light blue background on this picture of duh boss
anh: how about a flaming hellish background?

anh: hey, so... can we meet after work? I have [mexican actress] barbara mori with me
don: HOLY FCUK! whether or not I can leave work at 5, I'LL DO IT!

rich: so you were late this morning?
anh: yeah, frakkin' school zone
rich: haa are you even allowed near school zones?
anh: actually, no

I dedicate this song to my musky hobo, don!
"why do flies... suddenly appear... everytime... you are near?"

don, uh, warning. if you ever run into any of my exes--it doesn't matter! they have no idea who the frak you are!

don: hey, is "concierge" french for "carnegie hall"?
anh: haa what? you are a MASTER in IDIOCY! they have a word for your kind in french... "IDIOT"!

"don, if you want me to go down on you, you'll have to shave! I'm wearing braces"

don: K.Y. jelly? what's this for?
anh: you clean your contacts with that

facebook is more addictive than porn. I may have a problem

HELL NO, I ain't adding no parents! have you seen the materials i post here?! and all those uglies?

don: hey, you keep calling me "hobo". that means "homeboy", right?
anh: riiiiight... and joy is my "fubu". which means "fun buddy"

110525
[don surfing for porn on anh's phone]
anh: [british accent] hahahaa... naugh...TEA!
[finishes his tiny serving of tea, then eats the puny cup]

I rarely add guys to my list... only the hot ones

don: hey, how's rich doing?
anh: still CHINESE!

don: you ever felt depressed even if it's nice and sunny outside?
anh: aww... really? just watch SCHINDLER'S LIST or visit the MUSEUM OF TOLERANCE. that'll cheer you up!

rich, your music is distracting! can't you play some elevator music like THE BEATLES or something?

anh: how do you eat rice everyday?
kyle: with a spoon

rich: that's strange! I can't get any 4G reception!
anh: there are no females up here. how can there be any G-spot?!

110526
[after a mishap with the hot sauce]
anh: of course, it had to squirt on me
jon: that's what she said!

MARIA TZINTZUN... the only latina I know with a virtually oriental last name! I can't even pronounce it without butchering it!

110527
LA has too many impatient drivers. they flip you off for just being in the car!

that's my boy! my talentless boy! he's last in his class! I'm proud of each and every thing he doesn't achieve! at least, he tried! he's wasting so much potential as a human being, I truly believe he should've been born an insect!

don: what does LMFAO mean?
anh: are you kidding me? do you even know what ASAP stands for?

the scotch shot I'm having is older than my girls! whaaat?

110528
headache... why is there a tiger in the bathroom?

110530
[matsu restaurant]
nephew: can I get another drink?
anh: just wait for the ice to melt

110531
emily, bring your bikini! don wants to try it on. he can make any size HIS size!

I wanna see don in a thong... backwards!

DISINVITING close friends... nothing personal. I want more briskets!