Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
SKITS - OCTOBER
111001
so much work filtering/editing 500 photos per event! UGH! I should just shoot one lousy group shot and nothing else! bleh...
111002
(as they're shooting away at runway models, a fat one comes out)
neil: did your camera stop too?
anh: my lens just broke!
...
BAHAHAA great meeting with you!
111003
my coworker is already snoring. lemme call duh boss
Maria Tzintzun is looking quite tempting! walking does one a lot of good! still craving mexican
if I were the boss, I'd probably harass my female employees
squares can drink too! just don't tell 'em you spiked the drink
marie: dunno any INnOUT restaurant around here in compton
anh: you'll be luckier finding a KFC
if you don't socialize, i'mma forget you and delete you. however, some of you are overly social; you probably talk to a volley ball named WILSON when not around others
...
david som: I hope you trip on a cordless phone when you delete me!
JURY DUTY
anh: they'll pick you cuz you look serious
marie: what if you're the quiet one?
anh: you can look dumber by removing your glasses, ugly
you guys can't fool me! cambodians are not real people! they're alien characters created for AVATAR!
galpal: a great way to forget a man is to get under another
Ratha Marie Ngan has changed her relationship status to "Marie-d"
111004
marie: Now that I'm single, I have to break so many hearts; something I feel bad about
anh: they flock to you cuz you're attractive. lemme rearrange your face to look like don's
(to his alcoholic coworker)
you need to drop your buddies and kick it with me. my friend is a bartender!
she dropped the zero, and got with a bigger zero
anh: you want some corn?
kyle: sure, but not on my toes!
anh: not in your jokes either
why is it that whenever I specifically said "maybe", they assume it's definite?
...
anh: maybe, i'll come to your party.
galpal: alright, i'll see you there!
...
anh: maybe, i'll marry you.
girlfriend: alright, i'll send the invites!
111005
i'm a MANLY man's man! I watch sport 25/8; shoot bears on weekends; and ONLY drink beer!
I swyped LENOVO and LESBIONIC came out. evidently, my phone speaks my lingo!
coworker: do you still ask for "french bread" in france?
anh: nooo! you don't say "french fries" either! and if you speak english, they'll take you to a hostel
female coworker 1: see? they use short rice for their teriyaki bowl
female coworker 2: yeah, short and sticky
anh: that's what she said!
khoa: why are we in deeper recession? because california just lost another job
INCHEONWON SOCIAL CLUB has been founded!
...
"you are the nucleus that binds us all" CHRIS SICKEM
...
I genuinely feel honored. thank you!
"you can take the girl outta the hood, but you can't take the hood outta the girl" ~ a close friend
111006
khoa's like the devil on my shoulder, and don is the hobo
no tongue rings, please. gets in the way of french kissing!
squeemers are so much fun to watch horror films with! they give you that interactive experience, spooking you with their high pitch screams
my sister accidentally punched some guy in the face while she was busting her moves. that's extreme dancing right there, peaches!
...
khoa: haa gives a whole new meaning to dancing with the "stars"!
when I make someone cry from laughter, my day is done
"my son is dumb. if she's seen with him, people will think it's dumb and dumber!" | PROTECT THE BOSS
111009
khoa: my friend's house just got burglarized... by mexicans
anh: they should move down to huntington beach where the viets are the prime suspects!
khoa: there are some good areas in santa ana
anh: yeah, the white part
111010
galpal: hey, I think my galpal is bisexual
anh: how do you know that?
galpal: she wanted to eat me
marie: oooh... my first clam!
anh: you guys aren't fooling anybody! this is not a cambodian house! you can cook pho! you're VIET!
marie: well, all asians know how to cook pho
anh: and all black people know how to rap too!
111011
khmer sounds really sexual when spoken by rosa and marie; and neither are even cambodian!
I've had thai without the food. so frakkin' good!
nephew: where's auntie chime? why is she not back?
anh: I sold her!
111012
alright, the number of invites has gotten out of hand! if you guys bring any more peeps, I will make don eat his own hobo shoes
how can I possibly miss my mouth? I've got rice all over someone else's face!
anh: I wouldn't frakkin' kick my guests out! we'd all have an orgy till you're sober enough to go home... in the morning.
rosa: wait, what? what's an orgy?
kicking it with that ambiguously-cambo crowd is FAIL-SAFE! never a dull moment!
marie: oooh... my first clam!
rosa: wait, what? what are you doing?
111013
liz: I thought it was funny how mom called chime out for lunch, "chime, EAT NOW!"
anh: can you imagine her working for DMV?
please, remind me not to confirm anymore kids! I have no idea whatta frak they're saying with their shorthand coded broken english with random smileys:
...
hv I nicee dfinitly :)) nw day cuzin icecrrm mmm lmfao LOOL googoo gaga ?! O_o
any professional kill will be greatly appreciated. please, make it look like an accident
google + has lost 60% of their users. to those of you who actually signed up, what were you thinking? BAHAHAA
if it ain't broken, don't fix it! if it is, fix it! but if it breaks again, it must not be japanese
could've sworn I was only 25% european. how am I whiter than a white guy? whaaat?
I believe his name is GEORGE or is it WHORE-HEY?
I actually feel like I was a german nazi and i'm now redeeming myself by loving people so much. hence, my obsession with the HITLER CHANNEL
why is it that when I say "no pressure" people always feel pressured to do it?
...
"if you don't help me out on this one, i'll torch your place. haa no pressure!"
alicia was pretty good at babysitting me while I was drunk... till she force fed me! *BARF*
...
jon: are you still gonna have that?
I spent the last 2 hours trying to get a 30 min nap. thinking too much. why can't I shut my mind off like Don Vu usually does?
111014
how did I get that image? I am not a womanizer! I just enjoy the company of women
why can't two good friends do each other without having one becoming clingy?! just having fun!
it's lunch time, but i'm not even hungry! could it be that sandwich I had an hour ago?
crystal: there are other restaurants other than incheonwon, you know?
anh: are you... INSANE?!
nephew: oooh you're not supposed to say the word STUPID!
anh: that's stupid!
some fools think adding blazing flame designs and an ornamental spoiler (where you can literally hang your socks to dry) will make their car faster... EYESORE!
111015
again, I have no frakkin' idea what these kids are talking about. gotta limit my friends to the literate
kpop girls are like beef briskets. sooo scrumptious!
just because I'm sharing the bed with a girl, doesn't mean i'm sleeping with her! waittaminit...
111016
hey look, I'm so cool, my tight pants are hanging below my ass and you can see the hole through my underwear!
111017
peter: oh, your friend I ran into the other day, she's pretty!
anh: yeah, just not that smart
anh: whoa, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
marie: aww...
anh: cuz your face looks fcuked up!
ryan: Hope she just learns before it is to late
anh: it'll be to late when she's pregnant with sextuplets
ryan: Haha.. That's mean. Just not let it come to that
anh: octuplets then?
111018
you know what it means when duh boss is not in... i'm blasting EMINEM and Dr DRE in the office! JAY-Z...? more like JAY-Zzzzzz
female coworker: (asking another about their breakfast) why is your sausage so small? why is it like that?
...
BAHAHAA that was too easy!
why do people insist on keeping opened soda bottles for more than a day? unlike Don Vu, they lose gas and fizz!
those cambodians are highly flammable. they drink lighter fluid with every meal! and the ugly ones can actually cook pho! whaaat?
I cannot stand shorthanded coded texts; I do not speak robot. typing on physical phone keyboards has made some really lazy
galpal: I rather have you come earlier than later.
anh: no, trust me. you would rather have me come later than earlier.
santa's too strict. I think naughty girls are good
lonely island: I'm on a boat, motherfocker!
T-pain: motherfocker...
holy shitsu... just the sight and/or spicy aroma of kimchi makes me salivate
with that new feature, I can now UNFOLLOW my own derailed posts! YEEHAAA!
why is it that the bitchy looking ones usually are nicer than the sweet looking ones? am I being tested? is this actually a lab?
chris sickem: I have to drastically watch my diet. do you work out?
anh: yeah, I lift weights and get my cardio in bed
anh: don't THE SCRIPT sound like ONErepublic?
kyle: who? are they hispanic?
anh: what?
kyle: JUANrepublic?
stephen: what should I mix for you?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!
jon: so what will there be at the drinking party?
anh: stephen's clam margaritas--
marie: mmm... clams...
anh: with rosa's lighter fluid concoction as a chaser. yeah, we HARDCORE!
stephen: choose your poison. MUAHAHAA
woman: say something! if you're mad at me, hit me
man: that's impossible. if I hit you once, you'll hit me twice; and I know you're stronger than me.
...
PROTECT THE BOSS
111020
chime: I could use some Lee's coffee. Lol
anh: now, you crave it
chime: Yea I crave that every morning
anh: that's what she (and Joyce Mojica) said!
anh: are you looking or just--
marie: good looking?
anh: -- ugly?
some dudes are not as cool once the alcohol wears off; either anal, boring, or both!
anh: I cannot makeout with you knowing what you just ate
galpal: but I put a lot of things in my mouth!
111023
I avoid driving in LA like the plague. unless someone else drives, count me out if any of you plan to invite me there
111024
KPOP is my religion... and those girls are my goddesses
galpal: It takes two good suckers for it to be good.
he needs a drastic change too. i'mma paint my black boston terrier white
when your panties are down, like an open door, it's an invitation!
111025
mike and his "twins" won't make it, but joyce and her "sausage" will come! (pun intended)
111026
kyle: I screwed up. my supervisor sent me an email to complain about it
anh: it's okay! everyone makes mistakes! I made a mistake coming to this company
supervisor: I need you guys to make the text more visible.
kyle: well, we can add a stroke to it!
(a bit later)
anh: we're both done with the stroking. it didn't take long at all!
"got no reason. got no shame. got no family I can blame. just don't let me disappear" ONEREPUBLIC
...
reminds me of my ugly orphan galpal, chime. aww
drunk asian girl driving a hummer while texting... QUADRUPLE WHAMMY!
the "i can fix him! it'll work out!" mentality... puhleez! can you forcefully connect two lego pieces that won't fit together? NOOO!
jose: is that snow on your car?
anh: no, it's dust. it's california for crying out loud!
HALLOWEEN is just an excuse for a holiday. I just toss a bucket of candy outside with the sign "one candy per person! you are being filmed!"
posting on others' wall is risky! i'll just post on mine and tag 'em
khoa: TIP: to save yourself from making calls to your ex while drunk save their # as "WARNING! you are DRUNK! DO NOT call this number!"
...
and to avoid stalking exes' calls, save their # as "DO NOT pickup this call!"
...
brent: psh! I put their numbers in my phone backwards. I can never figure out the math when I'm drunk
anh: I can't even figure out the math when i'm sober
111027
instead of a COKE, mom accidentally packed me a beer for lunch. am I supposed to thank her?
rich: you and me equals 4 balls
raffy: you mean, you have one?
Anhjun Lozfen just Unfollowed his own post
anh: Joyce Mojica wants octuplets! Kris Bravo, start saving!
david: i'm curious. how do you impregnate someone with octuplets?
anh: you have to release 8 times in a row or you can puncture eight holes in your condom
at my last work, my supervisor kept nagging about me, so I quit without the 2 weeks notice. then, she got fired for making too many mistakes. karma's a bitch, bitch!
cyrus: (drinking soda chanh) I've been sucking on this for an hour and nothing is coming out
anh: that's what she said!
111029
party goer: who are you supposed to be?
anh: don dressed as anh. pretty good, eh?
if I didn't shoot it, you'll never see that photo
111031
I didn't know you had any friend. I will UNFOLLOW your post now.
Ratha Marie Ngan may seem unapproachable, but she's not cold; she's cool!
marie: oooh, I had raw oysters last night!
rosa: the oyster is coming!
marie: why don't you pop the cherry?
rosa: why do I have to pop the cherry?
111001
van: damn, I ran 8 miles! now, I can't feel my ass!
anh: can I feel your ass for you?
i'mma throw away what I don't need... like don's dignity and photos of kitty
DAVID COOK CASTING ANH:
...
ANHJUN LOZFEN | The reason why Facebook is slow. It takes time to load all of Anh's status updates.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Facebook is to Anhjun like water is to fish. Without water, fish die. And get stinky.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own comment
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Added 18975 new photos to the album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own photo album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Was somehow able to like his own like
ANHJUN LOZFEN | DON VU is to HOBO like 1 is to 1.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Wishes there was a small Incheonwon inside Incheonwon so even when he's eating at Incheonwon, he can still go to Incheonwon again.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | 16 is the new 18
ANHJUN LOZFEN | FRAK! I just got comment raped! It's ok, boob. Briskets, PEACHES!
anh: khoa suggested us to try that restaurant, PHO 86
marie: is there a 69?
...
BAHAHAA i hate you, ugly viet
marie: i don't know her, but she seems cool.
anh: well, they always seem cool at first.
marie: true, unlike me, huh?
anh: yeah, you seemed bitchy at first.
i didn't see any tiger in my bathroom this morning.
marie, get yourself some DDDs so they can distract us from your ugly face
i usually do a good job with photography; and it helps when my subject is a camwhore!
ryan: marie is gonna throw her doungnuts at us again!
stephen: "doungnuts"?!
ryan: sorry, my gut was typing
marie: the scratched left lens on my glasses is making me dizzy
anh: remove that lens. who needs both anyway?
can i LIKE my own LIKE?
most guys don't need marriage. they just bite their tongue to fulfill their girl's fantasy... although, i would totally marry SONG JIEUN!
anh: how d'you get that name, "ANT"?! what are you, some kinda disney/pixar character?
ant: it's short for "anthony".
anh: oooh...
111004
kids tend to move a lot, so i have to shoot photos of my galpals on BURST mode
if you don't think fellatio is better than intercourse, you never had a good one!
111005
nicole tanner: Are you really from Paris, France??? How cool!
anh: no, everything here is a lie... OF COURSE! I was raised there. we specialize in abducting and torturing american tourists now
nicole tanner: Nice!! I'm also part French! :D Well, thank you for the heads up. So does this mean I should pack some mace in my bag when I meet up with you guys?
anh: haa you'll be just fine packing perfume! I hang with dumb americans
hey, i don't mind friends dating my exes! recycling is good
111007
look... i no longer mind a little bit of plastic to your face, but if you no longer look human, you have a serious problem!
111008
i just made my nephew a fan of CALPICO yogurt drinks! wait, that was the unspiked version, right?
111009
galpal: he wants me to marry him. should i?
guy friend: NOOO! divorce is REAL expensive!
marie: do you usually post the pics when everybody's asleep?
anh: yes... MUAHAHAA!
111010
really?! he's crying and begging for her back? really, now? i don't even cry at funerals!
111011
fannie: crystal, you eat shampoo?
crystal: tasted it by accident...
anh: that's what she said!
marie: LIAR!
anh: no lie
marie: only liars say that!
anh: you should get your ugly sleep!
marie: no!
anh: fine, keep surfing for porn then!
marie: what's that?
anh: keep surfing for corn then
marie: i love corn!
texting is really practical when the other person's voice is unbearable
111012
Anhjun Lozfen, David Som, and Cyrus Thomas are...
...
HAROLD & KUMAR & the pakistani with the algerian-speaking GPS
i've done 27 people before, but never 30! whaaat?
i hate it when i click on "mutual friends", but accidentally click on "Add Friend". NOOOO!
what's up with peeps with no profile pic? at least, shoot yourself with a bag over your head! wait, that came out wrong.
111013
i cannot stress this enough... if you guys bring anymore friends to my already packed event, i will make Don Vu wear a THONG... backwards.
Rosa Ly Oul: wait, what? you mean, i got high from eating those brownies?!
marie: i'm getting advice on landing jobs right now.
anh: yeah, show some cleavage. if it's a female boss, show some bulge.
111014
i've limited my post visibility to FRIENDS ONLY. privacy has become an issue. it's like leaving your front door for anyone to enter... who the fcuk are you? this is no OPEN HOUSE!
111015
my mistake... kpop girls are like beef briskets injected with cocaine
111018
marie: i'mma go costume shopping tomorrow... what to be?
anh: you need to pick something that covers your face... ENTIRELY!
marie: and you're going as an ASSHOLE!
anh: then, i won't have to dress up! YAY!
111019
stephen: so, what would you like me to mix?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!
anh: that's easy. flash me and my nose will bleed on its own
rosa: wait, what? mmm... balut...
111022
BRAIN STUDY
If you can read this, your mind is functioning very well:
...
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
i want my friend count back to 69. is it too late?
marie, stop lying to people about being cambodian. no one is falling for it anymore cuz only viets really cook PHO!
after watching PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3, i'mma start setting up cameras in the guest room and the bathroom
111023
if you haven't been caught vomiting over someone else's food, it was a good drinking night!
i should unfriend her. she has 1250+ in her list. she won't notice, right?
alright, i'mma start deleting peeps with 1000+ friends. trust me, you won't notice!
those with double-digit friends are SAFE cuz that's just plain sad!
111025
don't use french around me, Don Vu, your terrible accent makes it sound like broken italian... and your horse teeth don't help either.
do i pick friends in terms of looks? yes, i like ugly girls
111026
Anhjun Lozfen just UNFOLLOWED your post
...
noooo! when was that a notification?!
guy: you never loved me?
his ex: no, i gave you sex in return for your gifts
guy: wouldn't that make you a prostitute?
111028
stephen will try to mix an UGLY VIET martini. we ALL would like a taste of marie!
i would like to maintain the image of an ass@#$%. don't call me a nice guy, or even worse, a viet. that's offensive!
111029
the only thing that made that "party" bearable was the company of our group of friends. it wasn't music they were playing, it was just noise! and a frakkin' bathroom with no lock? really?!
111030
nephew: is auntie kitty not your type anymore?
anh: no, she is. it's just that her mind is not. she's bad
nephew: bad like a villain? but she looks nice!
anh: there are a lot of nice looking girls who are bad for you
hanging out with the crazies is a great way to keep yourself sane. haa the paradox!
111031
rosa: wait, was he in?
marie: i don't know
...
haa i love taking things out of context!
so much work filtering/editing 500 photos per event! UGH! I should just shoot one lousy group shot and nothing else! bleh...
111002
(as they're shooting away at runway models, a fat one comes out)
neil: did your camera stop too?
anh: my lens just broke!
...
BAHAHAA great meeting with you!
111003
my coworker is already snoring. lemme call duh boss
Maria Tzintzun is looking quite tempting! walking does one a lot of good! still craving mexican
if I were the boss, I'd probably harass my female employees
squares can drink too! just don't tell 'em you spiked the drink
marie: dunno any INnOUT restaurant around here in compton
anh: you'll be luckier finding a KFC
if you don't socialize, i'mma forget you and delete you. however, some of you are overly social; you probably talk to a volley ball named WILSON when not around others
...
david som: I hope you trip on a cordless phone when you delete me!
JURY DUTY
anh: they'll pick you cuz you look serious
marie: what if you're the quiet one?
anh: you can look dumber by removing your glasses, ugly
you guys can't fool me! cambodians are not real people! they're alien characters created for AVATAR!
galpal: a great way to forget a man is to get under another
Ratha Marie Ngan has changed her relationship status to "Marie-d"
111004
marie: Now that I'm single, I have to break so many hearts; something I feel bad about
anh: they flock to you cuz you're attractive. lemme rearrange your face to look like don's
(to his alcoholic coworker)
you need to drop your buddies and kick it with me. my friend is a bartender!
she dropped the zero, and got with a bigger zero
anh: you want some corn?
kyle: sure, but not on my toes!
anh: not in your jokes either
why is it that whenever I specifically said "maybe", they assume it's definite?
...
anh: maybe, i'll come to your party.
galpal: alright, i'll see you there!
...
anh: maybe, i'll marry you.
girlfriend: alright, i'll send the invites!
111005
i'm a MANLY man's man! I watch sport 25/8; shoot bears on weekends; and ONLY drink beer!
I swyped LENOVO and LESBIONIC came out. evidently, my phone speaks my lingo!
coworker: do you still ask for "french bread" in france?
anh: nooo! you don't say "french fries" either! and if you speak english, they'll take you to a hostel
female coworker 1: see? they use short rice for their teriyaki bowl
female coworker 2: yeah, short and sticky
anh: that's what she said!
khoa: why are we in deeper recession? because california just lost another job
INCHEONWON SOCIAL CLUB has been founded!
...
"you are the nucleus that binds us all" CHRIS SICKEM
...
I genuinely feel honored. thank you!
"you can take the girl outta the hood, but you can't take the hood outta the girl" ~ a close friend
111006
khoa's like the devil on my shoulder, and don is the hobo
no tongue rings, please. gets in the way of french kissing!
squeemers are so much fun to watch horror films with! they give you that interactive experience, spooking you with their high pitch screams
my sister accidentally punched some guy in the face while she was busting her moves. that's extreme dancing right there, peaches!
...
khoa: haa gives a whole new meaning to dancing with the "stars"!
when I make someone cry from laughter, my day is done
"my son is dumb. if she's seen with him, people will think it's dumb and dumber!" | PROTECT THE BOSS
111009
khoa: my friend's house just got burglarized... by mexicans
anh: they should move down to huntington beach where the viets are the prime suspects!
khoa: there are some good areas in santa ana
anh: yeah, the white part
111010
galpal: hey, I think my galpal is bisexual
anh: how do you know that?
galpal: she wanted to eat me
marie: oooh... my first clam!
anh: you guys aren't fooling anybody! this is not a cambodian house! you can cook pho! you're VIET!
marie: well, all asians know how to cook pho
anh: and all black people know how to rap too!
111011
khmer sounds really sexual when spoken by rosa and marie; and neither are even cambodian!
I've had thai without the food. so frakkin' good!
nephew: where's auntie chime? why is she not back?
anh: I sold her!
111012
alright, the number of invites has gotten out of hand! if you guys bring any more peeps, I will make don eat his own hobo shoes
how can I possibly miss my mouth? I've got rice all over someone else's face!
anh: I wouldn't frakkin' kick my guests out! we'd all have an orgy till you're sober enough to go home... in the morning.
rosa: wait, what? what's an orgy?
kicking it with that ambiguously-cambo crowd is FAIL-SAFE! never a dull moment!
marie: oooh... my first clam!
rosa: wait, what? what are you doing?
111013
liz: I thought it was funny how mom called chime out for lunch, "chime, EAT NOW!"
anh: can you imagine her working for DMV?
please, remind me not to confirm anymore kids! I have no idea whatta frak they're saying with their shorthand coded broken english with random smileys:
...
hv I nicee dfinitly :)) nw day cuzin icecrrm mmm lmfao LOOL googoo gaga ?! O_o
any professional kill will be greatly appreciated. please, make it look like an accident
google + has lost 60% of their users. to those of you who actually signed up, what were you thinking? BAHAHAA
if it ain't broken, don't fix it! if it is, fix it! but if it breaks again, it must not be japanese
could've sworn I was only 25% european. how am I whiter than a white guy? whaaat?
I believe his name is GEORGE or is it WHORE-HEY?
I actually feel like I was a german nazi and i'm now redeeming myself by loving people so much. hence, my obsession with the HITLER CHANNEL
why is it that when I say "no pressure" people always feel pressured to do it?
...
"if you don't help me out on this one, i'll torch your place. haa no pressure!"
alicia was pretty good at babysitting me while I was drunk... till she force fed me! *BARF*
...
jon: are you still gonna have that?
I spent the last 2 hours trying to get a 30 min nap. thinking too much. why can't I shut my mind off like Don Vu usually does?
111014
how did I get that image? I am not a womanizer! I just enjoy the company of women
why can't two good friends do each other without having one becoming clingy?! just having fun!
it's lunch time, but i'm not even hungry! could it be that sandwich I had an hour ago?
crystal: there are other restaurants other than incheonwon, you know?
anh: are you... INSANE?!
nephew: oooh you're not supposed to say the word STUPID!
anh: that's stupid!
some fools think adding blazing flame designs and an ornamental spoiler (where you can literally hang your socks to dry) will make their car faster... EYESORE!
111015
again, I have no frakkin' idea what these kids are talking about. gotta limit my friends to the literate
kpop girls are like beef briskets. sooo scrumptious!
just because I'm sharing the bed with a girl, doesn't mean i'm sleeping with her! waittaminit...
111016
hey look, I'm so cool, my tight pants are hanging below my ass and you can see the hole through my underwear!
111017
peter: oh, your friend I ran into the other day, she's pretty!
anh: yeah, just not that smart
anh: whoa, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
marie: aww...
anh: cuz your face looks fcuked up!
ryan: Hope she just learns before it is to late
anh: it'll be to late when she's pregnant with sextuplets
ryan: Haha.. That's mean. Just not let it come to that
anh: octuplets then?
111018
you know what it means when duh boss is not in... i'm blasting EMINEM and Dr DRE in the office! JAY-Z...? more like JAY-Zzzzzz
female coworker: (asking another about their breakfast) why is your sausage so small? why is it like that?
...
BAHAHAA that was too easy!
why do people insist on keeping opened soda bottles for more than a day? unlike Don Vu, they lose gas and fizz!
those cambodians are highly flammable. they drink lighter fluid with every meal! and the ugly ones can actually cook pho! whaaat?
I cannot stand shorthanded coded texts; I do not speak robot. typing on physical phone keyboards has made some really lazy
galpal: I rather have you come earlier than later.
anh: no, trust me. you would rather have me come later than earlier.
santa's too strict. I think naughty girls are good
lonely island: I'm on a boat, motherfocker!
T-pain: motherfocker...
holy shitsu... just the sight and/or spicy aroma of kimchi makes me salivate
with that new feature, I can now UNFOLLOW my own derailed posts! YEEHAAA!
why is it that the bitchy looking ones usually are nicer than the sweet looking ones? am I being tested? is this actually a lab?
chris sickem: I have to drastically watch my diet. do you work out?
anh: yeah, I lift weights and get my cardio in bed
anh: don't THE SCRIPT sound like ONErepublic?
kyle: who? are they hispanic?
anh: what?
kyle: JUANrepublic?
stephen: what should I mix for you?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!
jon: so what will there be at the drinking party?
anh: stephen's clam margaritas--
marie: mmm... clams...
anh: with rosa's lighter fluid concoction as a chaser. yeah, we HARDCORE!
stephen: choose your poison. MUAHAHAA
woman: say something! if you're mad at me, hit me
man: that's impossible. if I hit you once, you'll hit me twice; and I know you're stronger than me.
...
PROTECT THE BOSS
111020
chime: I could use some Lee's coffee. Lol
anh: now, you crave it
chime: Yea I crave that every morning
anh: that's what she (and Joyce Mojica) said!
anh: are you looking or just--
marie: good looking?
anh: -- ugly?
some dudes are not as cool once the alcohol wears off; either anal, boring, or both!
anh: I cannot makeout with you knowing what you just ate
galpal: but I put a lot of things in my mouth!
111023
I avoid driving in LA like the plague. unless someone else drives, count me out if any of you plan to invite me there
111024
KPOP is my religion... and those girls are my goddesses
galpal: It takes two good suckers for it to be good.
he needs a drastic change too. i'mma paint my black boston terrier white
when your panties are down, like an open door, it's an invitation!
111025
mike and his "twins" won't make it, but joyce and her "sausage" will come! (pun intended)
111026
kyle: I screwed up. my supervisor sent me an email to complain about it
anh: it's okay! everyone makes mistakes! I made a mistake coming to this company
supervisor: I need you guys to make the text more visible.
kyle: well, we can add a stroke to it!
(a bit later)
anh: we're both done with the stroking. it didn't take long at all!
"got no reason. got no shame. got no family I can blame. just don't let me disappear" ONEREPUBLIC
...
reminds me of my ugly orphan galpal, chime. aww
drunk asian girl driving a hummer while texting... QUADRUPLE WHAMMY!
the "i can fix him! it'll work out!" mentality... puhleez! can you forcefully connect two lego pieces that won't fit together? NOOO!
jose: is that snow on your car?
anh: no, it's dust. it's california for crying out loud!
HALLOWEEN is just an excuse for a holiday. I just toss a bucket of candy outside with the sign "one candy per person! you are being filmed!"
posting on others' wall is risky! i'll just post on mine and tag 'em
khoa: TIP: to save yourself from making calls to your ex while drunk save their # as "WARNING! you are DRUNK! DO NOT call this number!"
...
and to avoid stalking exes' calls, save their # as "DO NOT pickup this call!"
...
brent: psh! I put their numbers in my phone backwards. I can never figure out the math when I'm drunk
anh: I can't even figure out the math when i'm sober
111027
instead of a COKE, mom accidentally packed me a beer for lunch. am I supposed to thank her?
rich: you and me equals 4 balls
raffy: you mean, you have one?
Anhjun Lozfen just Unfollowed his own post
anh: Joyce Mojica wants octuplets! Kris Bravo, start saving!
david: i'm curious. how do you impregnate someone with octuplets?
anh: you have to release 8 times in a row or you can puncture eight holes in your condom
at my last work, my supervisor kept nagging about me, so I quit without the 2 weeks notice. then, she got fired for making too many mistakes. karma's a bitch, bitch!
cyrus: (drinking soda chanh) I've been sucking on this for an hour and nothing is coming out
anh: that's what she said!
111029
party goer: who are you supposed to be?
anh: don dressed as anh. pretty good, eh?
if I didn't shoot it, you'll never see that photo
111031
I didn't know you had any friend. I will UNFOLLOW your post now.
Ratha Marie Ngan may seem unapproachable, but she's not cold; she's cool!
marie: oooh, I had raw oysters last night!
rosa: the oyster is coming!
marie: why don't you pop the cherry?
rosa: why do I have to pop the cherry?
111001
van: damn, I ran 8 miles! now, I can't feel my ass!
anh: can I feel your ass for you?
i'mma throw away what I don't need... like don's dignity and photos of kitty
DAVID COOK CASTING ANH:
...
ANHJUN LOZFEN | The reason why Facebook is slow. It takes time to load all of Anh's status updates.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Facebook is to Anhjun like water is to fish. Without water, fish die. And get stinky.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own comment
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Added 18975 new photos to the album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own photo album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Was somehow able to like his own like
ANHJUN LOZFEN | DON VU is to HOBO like 1 is to 1.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Wishes there was a small Incheonwon inside Incheonwon so even when he's eating at Incheonwon, he can still go to Incheonwon again.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | 16 is the new 18
ANHJUN LOZFEN | FRAK! I just got comment raped! It's ok, boob. Briskets, PEACHES!
anh: khoa suggested us to try that restaurant, PHO 86
marie: is there a 69?
...
BAHAHAA i hate you, ugly viet
marie: i don't know her, but she seems cool.
anh: well, they always seem cool at first.
marie: true, unlike me, huh?
anh: yeah, you seemed bitchy at first.
i didn't see any tiger in my bathroom this morning.
marie, get yourself some DDDs so they can distract us from your ugly face
i usually do a good job with photography; and it helps when my subject is a camwhore!
ryan: marie is gonna throw her doungnuts at us again!
stephen: "doungnuts"?!
ryan: sorry, my gut was typing
marie: the scratched left lens on my glasses is making me dizzy
anh: remove that lens. who needs both anyway?
can i LIKE my own LIKE?
most guys don't need marriage. they just bite their tongue to fulfill their girl's fantasy... although, i would totally marry SONG JIEUN!
anh: how d'you get that name, "ANT"?! what are you, some kinda disney/pixar character?
ant: it's short for "anthony".
anh: oooh...
111004
kids tend to move a lot, so i have to shoot photos of my galpals on BURST mode
if you don't think fellatio is better than intercourse, you never had a good one!
111005
nicole tanner: Are you really from Paris, France??? How cool!
anh: no, everything here is a lie... OF COURSE! I was raised there. we specialize in abducting and torturing american tourists now
nicole tanner: Nice!! I'm also part French! :D Well, thank you for the heads up. So does this mean I should pack some mace in my bag when I meet up with you guys?
anh: haa you'll be just fine packing perfume! I hang with dumb americans
hey, i don't mind friends dating my exes! recycling is good
111007
look... i no longer mind a little bit of plastic to your face, but if you no longer look human, you have a serious problem!
111008
i just made my nephew a fan of CALPICO yogurt drinks! wait, that was the unspiked version, right?
111009
galpal: he wants me to marry him. should i?
guy friend: NOOO! divorce is REAL expensive!
marie: do you usually post the pics when everybody's asleep?
anh: yes... MUAHAHAA!
111010
really?! he's crying and begging for her back? really, now? i don't even cry at funerals!
111011
fannie: crystal, you eat shampoo?
crystal: tasted it by accident...
anh: that's what she said!
marie: LIAR!
anh: no lie
marie: only liars say that!
anh: you should get your ugly sleep!
marie: no!
anh: fine, keep surfing for porn then!
marie: what's that?
anh: keep surfing for corn then
marie: i love corn!
texting is really practical when the other person's voice is unbearable
111012
Anhjun Lozfen, David Som, and Cyrus Thomas are...
...
HAROLD & KUMAR & the pakistani with the algerian-speaking GPS
i've done 27 people before, but never 30! whaaat?
i hate it when i click on "mutual friends", but accidentally click on "Add Friend". NOOOO!
what's up with peeps with no profile pic? at least, shoot yourself with a bag over your head! wait, that came out wrong.
111013
i cannot stress this enough... if you guys bring anymore friends to my already packed event, i will make Don Vu wear a THONG... backwards.
Rosa Ly Oul: wait, what? you mean, i got high from eating those brownies?!
marie: i'm getting advice on landing jobs right now.
anh: yeah, show some cleavage. if it's a female boss, show some bulge.
111014
i've limited my post visibility to FRIENDS ONLY. privacy has become an issue. it's like leaving your front door for anyone to enter... who the fcuk are you? this is no OPEN HOUSE!
111015
my mistake... kpop girls are like beef briskets injected with cocaine
111018
marie: i'mma go costume shopping tomorrow... what to be?
anh: you need to pick something that covers your face... ENTIRELY!
marie: and you're going as an ASSHOLE!
anh: then, i won't have to dress up! YAY!
111019
stephen: so, what would you like me to mix?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!
anh: that's easy. flash me and my nose will bleed on its own
rosa: wait, what? mmm... balut...
111022
BRAIN STUDY
If you can read this, your mind is functioning very well:
...
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
i want my friend count back to 69. is it too late?
marie, stop lying to people about being cambodian. no one is falling for it anymore cuz only viets really cook PHO!
after watching PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3, i'mma start setting up cameras in the guest room and the bathroom
111023
if you haven't been caught vomiting over someone else's food, it was a good drinking night!
i should unfriend her. she has 1250+ in her list. she won't notice, right?
alright, i'mma start deleting peeps with 1000+ friends. trust me, you won't notice!
those with double-digit friends are SAFE cuz that's just plain sad!
111025
don't use french around me, Don Vu, your terrible accent makes it sound like broken italian... and your horse teeth don't help either.
do i pick friends in terms of looks? yes, i like ugly girls
111026
Anhjun Lozfen just UNFOLLOWED your post
...
noooo! when was that a notification?!
guy: you never loved me?
his ex: no, i gave you sex in return for your gifts
guy: wouldn't that make you a prostitute?
111028
stephen will try to mix an UGLY VIET martini. we ALL would like a taste of marie!
i would like to maintain the image of an ass@#$%. don't call me a nice guy, or even worse, a viet. that's offensive!
111029
the only thing that made that "party" bearable was the company of our group of friends. it wasn't music they were playing, it was just noise! and a frakkin' bathroom with no lock? really?!
111030
nephew: is auntie kitty not your type anymore?
anh: no, she is. it's just that her mind is not. she's bad
nephew: bad like a villain? but she looks nice!
anh: there are a lot of nice looking girls who are bad for you
hanging out with the crazies is a great way to keep yourself sane. haa the paradox!
111031
rosa: wait, was he in?
marie: i don't know
...
haa i love taking things out of context!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
SKITS - AUGUST
110802
have a cold? down a bottle of SOJU! works for me and Emily Cheng
110803
is it alright for me to delete your friend since they're boring?
Tenzin Seldon: LOOOOOL looks like me and emily are arguing or something
Anhjun Lozfen: that's right! emily doesn't take BS from anyone!
Tenzin Seldon: BS?
David Cook: He means B5 as in Vitamin B5, or "Pantothenic Acid". Anh is saying Emily doesn't take Vitamin B5 from anyone because Pantothenic Acid deficiency is very rare in humans.
Anhjun Lozfen: BAHAHAA yeah, that's right... B5!
110811
"i lost my contacts. please, text me your number!"
...
how can you see my number without your contacts?
110813
SMARTASS > DUMBASS
Crystal Mira: what is on my mind is...sleep
Anhjun Lozfen: you know what's on my mind! hehe
Crystal Mira: lol yeaa like most guys
Anhjun Lozfen: BEEF BRISKETS! what were you thinking, woman?!
Crystal Mira: LoL its one [food] or the other lol
Anhjun Lozfen: oh, and i enjoy sex too
i get mistaken for korean or japanese. whatta pho?! LOVE IT! however, if peeps guess my true ethnicity, i get offended. BAHAHAA
i only know one mongolian... Saruul Sam Purevkhuu. and he too looks korean! whaaat?
my fair skin is so sensitive, i get tanned by just being exposed to halogen light
year-round tan uglies: Fannie Hsieh, Tenzin Seldon, Joyce Mojica, Olivia Le, and-- DAMN! i know i'm missing someone!
110815
sorry if i missed your status posts! i'm way too busy checking mines
mom: go take a shower after this show
anh: NO! cuz, like Don Vu, REAL men don't take showers!
110816
so far, the people i've blocked haven't sent me any facebook messages to complain
all of these monkey girls are getting outta hand! where did you uglies all come from?!
galpal: which one is he in the picture? the fat guy?
anh: no, the little girl
don: i think i saw harry potter at the COMIC-CON!
anh: no, that was Kelley Nagano with glasses
those of you with 1000 friends, time to UNFRIEND
110817
i'm sorry for assuming some of you american asians couldn't speak much english. my ignorant white side is mostly to blame
leave it to a monkey girl to want to drink smack in the middle of the week (emily: LET'S GOOOOO!)
sandy: The Lake ate my phone soooo I need your number again
anh: sure, it's... 714-555-NOOO
i told her the truth. she couldn't take it. her head blew up
anh is france. david is sweden. kitty is germany
anh: she won't even admit that we were together! whaaat? so what's with the breakups then?
chime: that bitch is dumb!
110818
jennifer le: what is her boyfriend?
jon dela cruz: cambodian
jennifer le: noooo! cambodian, no good!
110819
FACEBOOK:
...
Are They Your Friends Too?
Anhjun Lozfen
4 mutual friends
...
NOOOO! IMPOSTOR!
yayYEAH! YEEHAAA! ROFLCOPTER!
FACEBOOK:
...
"Here are 9 other people you may also know"
...
no, thank-you. i don't care for people
too. many. uglies. must. RESIST!
WONGFU productions is seriously FUNNY!
110822
HUNGWEEEE! must. have. BRISKETS!
i have plenty of friends fatter than Don Vu, but i just enjoy making him suffer. MUAHAHAA
NEW RESTAURANT SLOGAN:
...
INCHEONWON! cuz no other place matters, PEACHES!
BREAKING NEWS: ANHJUN LOZFEN is the SECRET restaurant promoter for... INCHEONWON!
did i fail to mention that... I FRAKKIN' WANT BRISKETS?!
korean BBQ 4 times a month is NOT ENOUGH! the WHORROR, the WHORROR!
i'm HONOR ROLE! someone... STOP ME! (must be hunger)
type O's reelly bothar mi... REELLY
110825
don't fcuk with me or i'll send my army of MONKEY GIRLS after you!
110826
chime practically had almost 2 pitchers of yogurt SOJU for herself. a few of our own shots mysteriously disappeared! whaaat?!
anh: hey! where the fcuk did my drink go?!
jon: haa chime drank it!
since she gets so much publicity on my wall, even total strangers want to meet Emily Cheng! on the other hand, Don Vu, not so much
chime doesn't look it, but she's so heavy! we all had trouble holding her up! what is she made of? STEEL? dense like a kryptonian! she must be bullet-proof too! whaaat?!
110827
half of the CAPTCHA codes are harder to read than hieroglyphs
they say that guys use kids to get girls... my girls ARE KIDS!
how to get rid of chronic complainers:
...
"When he or she shows up, simply tune your radio to one of the 'offensive' HIP-HOP stations, and they will eventually leave"
i can tell you're quite new to DSLR cameras. your lens cap is still on
110828
if you have any complaint, talk to someone else. i have a very short attention span. SOJUUU!
i was sweating while taking a cold shower. it's that hot!
LEE'S COFFEE > MONSTER > RED BULL
chime: what was i saying when i was drunk?
anh: "dsklafjhklf akl j kdsjda klfjsasafk djhs!"
jon > don > chocolate chip cookies
110829
oatmeal raisin cookies > David Cook
white surfer: [splashes his whole cup of lee's coffee onto a visitor's shirt from LA]
welcome to the OC, BITCH!
PHO is the ultimate dish, PHOsho!
here's how an ignoranus pronounces NGUYEN... "NUGENT". whatta pho?!
everybody knows it's pronounced "NUGGET"!
when i get enough funds, you're damn right i'mma hit south korea's party scene with Yongsuk Moon and get locked up abroad for kidnapping attempt on SONG JIEUN!
i'mma hit the shower now. if anyone needs me, my phone is not water-proof! (i found out the hard way)
they need to come up with a water-proofing app for smartphones
now, how are some people able to block you from blocking them?! did they sign up for a VIP account or what?
(Joyce Mojica + SOJU + beef intestines) > (Don Vu + his bruce lee action figures)
alright, it happened again. i spammed my own wall! sue me
don't go asking for other people's opinion; only mine counts
all of my exes kinda suck, except for one; she...
110831
Tenzin Seldon: ?Tenzin Seldon
?& truth is you are like my best friend, i never thought that we would be hanging out alot. but i alway have fun with you. may be that soju did work ;) and thanks for being there for me all the time (:
why do i have to care about how others feel? this is not good for my image!
Danisha Nicole is like, what, 6'02"? yet, she still wears 5-inch heels! women and their shoes, i swear!
Don Vu is 10 weeks in and craving meatballs
110802
gave maria a bear hug and kicked mylene's coffee mug off her hand! why? cuz I can, peaches!
can I leave work to find work now?
110804
you can't delete family members cuz there're no "disown" option
I eat my lunches in the company restroom cuz I like my privacy
110808
"friends don't let friends talk to exes while drunk" | TABLE FOR THREE
110809
since Rich Le left this sinking company, we can talk $#@% about him! YEAH! wait... we already were!
terrible handwriting. there could only be three suspects:
...
a doctor, don, or... RICH!
110810
"do people do dumb things with their smartphones?" | GEICO
FRIEND CRUSH: when you wanna become friends with someone you don't really know
...
what about a fubu crush?
110811
frakkin' boss micro manages everything! he said he caught us goofing off? we're not goofin' off--we're SLEEPING!
TIP: ignore your boss' friend request
focker snuck up on us again! someone, please, stick a beacon up the boss' ass so we can hear him coming!
hoyt: you want me to give you something funny to laugh about?
bartleby: you mean funnier than your future alcohol abuse?
glen: BATTLE ROYALE!
...
ACCEPTED
I hate you more than crawfish
wouldn't it be over the top if duh boss snuck up on you during lunch to see if you're eating?
"what are you doing taking phone calls during working hours?! go back to your masturbation station!"
if I'm not thinking about sex, I'm thinking about korean bbq
ariel: I think that customer wanted to checkout our products upstairs!
lucy: really? why didn't he say anything?
anh: well, run after him, lucy! throw a shoe!
galpal: can you do me a favor?
anh: is it sexual?
shreeeepy... must. make it. to. the car...
110813
"dad, you're fcuking my ex girlfriend?!"
...
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
110814
"are you guys sure APPLEBEE'S is a nice place to meet hot women at?"
"what are you thinking? OLIVE GARDEN?"
...
HALL PASS
freddy: what game do you wanna play?
nancy: fcuk you!
freddy: oooh... sounds like fun.
...
NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST.
110815
here, have some wine with your meal. capri sun is kid's stuff!
...
to my 5 year old nephew
110816
our EVIL boss drives a white nissan murano. i'mma apply next door. the other boss owns a black one, he must be the GOOD guy!
I knew exactly where her G spot is before she did. virgins crack me up
don: yumi said that it'll be like a barbecue potluck party so you'll have to bring your own meat
anh: in that case, I'll bring my girls!
110818
lacking sleep... crystal kept me up all night!
110817
they need to cancel the american version of TOP GEAR cuz the british version is actually funny... and I enjoy driving on the wrong side of the road
a sure fire way to rid of fleas? have your pet put to sleep. worked for me
I've made INCHEONWON KBBQ famous. as well as VAL, our company car retailer. now, who else needs help?
you peeps ever liked songs you thought were good, but aren't that good? and what about those that are good at first, but, unlike my exes, never went bad?
wsyhpjbfdjkhc fh jvfhj FCUK I can't post while driving!
chime: Damit. U just cracked me up. I'm referring about ur status. LOOL
anh: mission accomplished
I need a MONSTER with redbull mixed with a double shot of viet coffee, please!
110818
chime: haven't you taken pills and watched those lights--like at RAVES?
jon: no, I get seizures
chime: what? you're dumb!
110822
"where did you learn to drive like that?!"
"GRAND THEFT AUTO"
...
THE OTHER GUYS
(to my nephew)
stop crying! you're not supposed to be scared of anything. you're a MAN, boy!
anh: here, watch "how to train your dragon"
nephew: I don't think dragons are real
anh: neither is the tooth fairy nor santa claus!
I swyped FANNIE and FAVORITE came out. WEIRD!
110823
kyle: omigod! i'm late for work! why didn't you wake me up?!
rich: why can't you wipe your own ass?
she's so loveable, I hate her
what's with the homophobia, you fool? just cuz he's gay, doesn't mean he'd want your body! they have types too, you know? not even WOMEN want you!
deleting my twitter account is like dropping the other woman, I don't need the extra work-- just the one i'm most compatible with
time for change, monkey girl! NIKE says, "just do it"
"don't leave! I stabbed you, but I didn't twist the knife!"
triple digit HOT! fcuk you, mother nature!
chris: someone thought I was 18. being short and not able to grow chest hair has its pros
anh: my galpals are 18 and can't grow chest hair either
110824
Fannie Hsieh might be my favorite, but Emily Cheng, you are the SHITSU!
uh oh, too many SHITSUs... I should narrow them down to just my favorite five. Don Vu has to go!
maria: what happened to sarvy? I don't see her anymore
anh: dunno. last I heard, she went sky diving
the difference between her and my lousy ex is like night and day-- like WHOA!
anh: she was the worst damn girl
chime (girl): FCUK BITCHES, get money!
anh: Pooneh Salehi prefers to mingle with ethnic groups
crystal: cool!
anh: I prefer white people like Jake Woodruff and Don Vu
my galpal, chime, told me to fcuk bitches and get their money. I'll take that into consideration
wait. i'm not supposed to finish that bottle of wine in one sitting?
110825
raffy: if you can find a girl whom you would spend as much time on as you do with your car, she'd be happy
anh: haa she really would be!
kyle spilled his large smoothie all over his pants. so now, he's prancing around at work in a towel. woohoo!
23 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds more!
...
hate it when people post vague countdowns
some girls need to come with the EASY button
some peeps are much younger than I thought they were! I should refer them to some great plastic surgeons
we're like a boy band of five at work. kyle is the lead singer, Rich Le is the eye candy, and i'm the backup dancer lip synching in the back
crystal: what about bao and jon? are they coming?
anh: bao is in europe. jon has to work
crystal: oh, haven't seen them for a while
anh: ...and Don Vu is a hobo
crystal: what about Rich Le and kyle? are they coming?
anh: rich has to work. kyle is gay
rebooting... am I the only one who can crash my own phone while using facebook?
I have a redhead and a dark skin fetish. go figure
i'm craving mexican (pun intended)
crystal: what about joyce and kris?
anh: they'll be a week late. they're filipinos
crystal: what about Brittany Powell and Jake Woodruff?
anh: I don't like white people
I just insulted half of my friends who are filipinos. BAHAHAA
I do read everything in a british accent. whaaat?
I just posted a month's worth of status updates in one day? to some people, this is a year's worth!
I only agreed to date her cuz I thought she was 16. it's thrilling
110826
are you showing up tonight, Don Vu? they all want to see you... except Fannie Hsieh!
Bert Cruz is bringing a surprise guest tonight... HIMSELF! YEEHAAA!
wild night! Emily Cheng had to keep her little sister Tenzin Seldon from falling onto her face while Crystal Mira was braiding everybody's hair!
chime: i'mma beat christy up! I hate that bitch!
anh: hey, we can have Emily Cheng beat her up for you while Crystal Mira braids her hair!
drinking with lightweights is soo much fun! MUAHAHAA
110827
having beer with my little nephew at BJs. that's legal, right? mmm... BJs...
KEL-E (Kelley Nagano) | 2NE1's secret 5th band member
110828
only the superstitious believe in chain letters!
...
pass this on or misfortune will come to you
110830
I admit, i'm eccentric, but some artists are frakkin' WEIRD! you guys need to stop sniffing paints and markers!
my equivalent to "i disagree": don is a hobo
you've drawn digitally for too long when you look for "SAVE FILE" on your paper sketchbook
tired of being tired? eat healthier; exercise; and get more sleep!
I can't take this one guy seriously in this korean series. his name is SEIN; and in french, that means BREAST.
...
"are you getting engaged to sein?"
cyrus: what's up, bro?
anh: hey! the villain from HEROES...SIZZLER!
110831
anh's conscience: pull yourself together, man! think of her as your guy friend who's had a sex change... a REALLY good sex change! BAHAHAA!
anh: NOOO!
joyce: you're awesome anh! don't go gay!
...
aww one genuinely nice girl, right there!
Anhjun Lozfen is now friends with Enuf Peepol
have a cold? down a bottle of SOJU! works for me and Emily Cheng
110803
is it alright for me to delete your friend since they're boring?
Tenzin Seldon: LOOOOOL looks like me and emily are arguing or something
Anhjun Lozfen: that's right! emily doesn't take BS from anyone!
Tenzin Seldon: BS?
David Cook: He means B5 as in Vitamin B5, or "Pantothenic Acid". Anh is saying Emily doesn't take Vitamin B5 from anyone because Pantothenic Acid deficiency is very rare in humans.
Anhjun Lozfen: BAHAHAA yeah, that's right... B5!
110811
"i lost my contacts. please, text me your number!"
...
how can you see my number without your contacts?
110813
SMARTASS > DUMBASS
Crystal Mira: what is on my mind is...sleep
Anhjun Lozfen: you know what's on my mind! hehe
Crystal Mira: lol yeaa like most guys
Anhjun Lozfen: BEEF BRISKETS! what were you thinking, woman?!
Crystal Mira: LoL its one [food] or the other lol
Anhjun Lozfen: oh, and i enjoy sex too
i get mistaken for korean or japanese. whatta pho?! LOVE IT! however, if peeps guess my true ethnicity, i get offended. BAHAHAA
i only know one mongolian... Saruul Sam Purevkhuu. and he too looks korean! whaaat?
my fair skin is so sensitive, i get tanned by just being exposed to halogen light
year-round tan uglies: Fannie Hsieh, Tenzin Seldon, Joyce Mojica, Olivia Le, and-- DAMN! i know i'm missing someone!
110815
sorry if i missed your status posts! i'm way too busy checking mines
mom: go take a shower after this show
anh: NO! cuz, like Don Vu, REAL men don't take showers!
110816
so far, the people i've blocked haven't sent me any facebook messages to complain
all of these monkey girls are getting outta hand! where did you uglies all come from?!
galpal: which one is he in the picture? the fat guy?
anh: no, the little girl
don: i think i saw harry potter at the COMIC-CON!
anh: no, that was Kelley Nagano with glasses
those of you with 1000 friends, time to UNFRIEND
110817
i'm sorry for assuming some of you american asians couldn't speak much english. my ignorant white side is mostly to blame
leave it to a monkey girl to want to drink smack in the middle of the week (emily: LET'S GOOOOO!)
sandy: The Lake ate my phone soooo I need your number again
anh: sure, it's... 714-555-NOOO
i told her the truth. she couldn't take it. her head blew up
anh is france. david is sweden. kitty is germany
anh: she won't even admit that we were together! whaaat? so what's with the breakups then?
chime: that bitch is dumb!
110818
jennifer le: what is her boyfriend?
jon dela cruz: cambodian
jennifer le: noooo! cambodian, no good!
110819
FACEBOOK:
...
Are They Your Friends Too?
Anhjun Lozfen
4 mutual friends
...
NOOOO! IMPOSTOR!
yayYEAH! YEEHAAA! ROFLCOPTER!
FACEBOOK:
...
"Here are 9 other people you may also know"
...
no, thank-you. i don't care for people
too. many. uglies. must. RESIST!
WONGFU productions is seriously FUNNY!
110822
HUNGWEEEE! must. have. BRISKETS!
i have plenty of friends fatter than Don Vu, but i just enjoy making him suffer. MUAHAHAA
NEW RESTAURANT SLOGAN:
...
INCHEONWON! cuz no other place matters, PEACHES!
BREAKING NEWS: ANHJUN LOZFEN is the SECRET restaurant promoter for... INCHEONWON!
did i fail to mention that... I FRAKKIN' WANT BRISKETS?!
korean BBQ 4 times a month is NOT ENOUGH! the WHORROR, the WHORROR!
i'm HONOR ROLE! someone... STOP ME! (must be hunger)
type O's reelly bothar mi... REELLY
110825
don't fcuk with me or i'll send my army of MONKEY GIRLS after you!
110826
chime practically had almost 2 pitchers of yogurt SOJU for herself. a few of our own shots mysteriously disappeared! whaaat?!
anh: hey! where the fcuk did my drink go?!
jon: haa chime drank it!
since she gets so much publicity on my wall, even total strangers want to meet Emily Cheng! on the other hand, Don Vu, not so much
chime doesn't look it, but she's so heavy! we all had trouble holding her up! what is she made of? STEEL? dense like a kryptonian! she must be bullet-proof too! whaaat?!
110827
half of the CAPTCHA codes are harder to read than hieroglyphs
they say that guys use kids to get girls... my girls ARE KIDS!
how to get rid of chronic complainers:
...
"When he or she shows up, simply tune your radio to one of the 'offensive' HIP-HOP stations, and they will eventually leave"
i can tell you're quite new to DSLR cameras. your lens cap is still on
110828
if you have any complaint, talk to someone else. i have a very short attention span. SOJUUU!
i was sweating while taking a cold shower. it's that hot!
LEE'S COFFEE > MONSTER > RED BULL
chime: what was i saying when i was drunk?
anh: "dsklafjhklf akl j kdsjda klfjsasafk djhs!"
jon > don > chocolate chip cookies
110829
oatmeal raisin cookies > David Cook
white surfer: [splashes his whole cup of lee's coffee onto a visitor's shirt from LA]
welcome to the OC, BITCH!
PHO is the ultimate dish, PHOsho!
here's how an ignoranus pronounces NGUYEN... "NUGENT". whatta pho?!
everybody knows it's pronounced "NUGGET"!
when i get enough funds, you're damn right i'mma hit south korea's party scene with Yongsuk Moon and get locked up abroad for kidnapping attempt on SONG JIEUN!
i'mma hit the shower now. if anyone needs me, my phone is not water-proof! (i found out the hard way)
they need to come up with a water-proofing app for smartphones
now, how are some people able to block you from blocking them?! did they sign up for a VIP account or what?
(Joyce Mojica + SOJU + beef intestines) > (Don Vu + his bruce lee action figures)
alright, it happened again. i spammed my own wall! sue me
don't go asking for other people's opinion; only mine counts
all of my exes kinda suck, except for one; she...
110831
Tenzin Seldon: ?Tenzin Seldon
?& truth is you are like my best friend, i never thought that we would be hanging out alot. but i alway have fun with you. may be that soju did work ;) and thanks for being there for me all the time (:
why do i have to care about how others feel? this is not good for my image!
Danisha Nicole is like, what, 6'02"? yet, she still wears 5-inch heels! women and their shoes, i swear!
Don Vu is 10 weeks in and craving meatballs
110802
gave maria a bear hug and kicked mylene's coffee mug off her hand! why? cuz I can, peaches!
can I leave work to find work now?
110804
you can't delete family members cuz there're no "disown" option
I eat my lunches in the company restroom cuz I like my privacy
110808
"friends don't let friends talk to exes while drunk" | TABLE FOR THREE
110809
since Rich Le left this sinking company, we can talk $#@% about him! YEAH! wait... we already were!
terrible handwriting. there could only be three suspects:
...
a doctor, don, or... RICH!
110810
"do people do dumb things with their smartphones?" | GEICO
FRIEND CRUSH: when you wanna become friends with someone you don't really know
...
what about a fubu crush?
110811
frakkin' boss micro manages everything! he said he caught us goofing off? we're not goofin' off--we're SLEEPING!
TIP: ignore your boss' friend request
focker snuck up on us again! someone, please, stick a beacon up the boss' ass so we can hear him coming!
hoyt: you want me to give you something funny to laugh about?
bartleby: you mean funnier than your future alcohol abuse?
glen: BATTLE ROYALE!
...
ACCEPTED
I hate you more than crawfish
wouldn't it be over the top if duh boss snuck up on you during lunch to see if you're eating?
"what are you doing taking phone calls during working hours?! go back to your masturbation station!"
if I'm not thinking about sex, I'm thinking about korean bbq
ariel: I think that customer wanted to checkout our products upstairs!
lucy: really? why didn't he say anything?
anh: well, run after him, lucy! throw a shoe!
galpal: can you do me a favor?
anh: is it sexual?
shreeeepy... must. make it. to. the car...
110813
"dad, you're fcuking my ex girlfriend?!"
...
NO STRINGS ATTACHED
110814
"are you guys sure APPLEBEE'S is a nice place to meet hot women at?"
"what are you thinking? OLIVE GARDEN?"
...
HALL PASS
freddy: what game do you wanna play?
nancy: fcuk you!
freddy: oooh... sounds like fun.
...
NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST.
110815
here, have some wine with your meal. capri sun is kid's stuff!
...
to my 5 year old nephew
110816
our EVIL boss drives a white nissan murano. i'mma apply next door. the other boss owns a black one, he must be the GOOD guy!
I knew exactly where her G spot is before she did. virgins crack me up
don: yumi said that it'll be like a barbecue potluck party so you'll have to bring your own meat
anh: in that case, I'll bring my girls!
110818
lacking sleep... crystal kept me up all night!
110817
they need to cancel the american version of TOP GEAR cuz the british version is actually funny... and I enjoy driving on the wrong side of the road
a sure fire way to rid of fleas? have your pet put to sleep. worked for me
I've made INCHEONWON KBBQ famous. as well as VAL, our company car retailer. now, who else needs help?
you peeps ever liked songs you thought were good, but aren't that good? and what about those that are good at first, but, unlike my exes, never went bad?
wsyhpjbfdjkhc fh jvfhj FCUK I can't post while driving!
chime: Damit. U just cracked me up. I'm referring about ur status. LOOL
anh: mission accomplished
I need a MONSTER with redbull mixed with a double shot of viet coffee, please!
110818
chime: haven't you taken pills and watched those lights--like at RAVES?
jon: no, I get seizures
chime: what? you're dumb!
110822
"where did you learn to drive like that?!"
"GRAND THEFT AUTO"
...
THE OTHER GUYS
(to my nephew)
stop crying! you're not supposed to be scared of anything. you're a MAN, boy!
anh: here, watch "how to train your dragon"
nephew: I don't think dragons are real
anh: neither is the tooth fairy nor santa claus!
I swyped FANNIE and FAVORITE came out. WEIRD!
110823
kyle: omigod! i'm late for work! why didn't you wake me up?!
rich: why can't you wipe your own ass?
she's so loveable, I hate her
what's with the homophobia, you fool? just cuz he's gay, doesn't mean he'd want your body! they have types too, you know? not even WOMEN want you!
deleting my twitter account is like dropping the other woman, I don't need the extra work-- just the one i'm most compatible with
time for change, monkey girl! NIKE says, "just do it"
"don't leave! I stabbed you, but I didn't twist the knife!"
triple digit HOT! fcuk you, mother nature!
chris: someone thought I was 18. being short and not able to grow chest hair has its pros
anh: my galpals are 18 and can't grow chest hair either
110824
Fannie Hsieh might be my favorite, but Emily Cheng, you are the SHITSU!
uh oh, too many SHITSUs... I should narrow them down to just my favorite five. Don Vu has to go!
maria: what happened to sarvy? I don't see her anymore
anh: dunno. last I heard, she went sky diving
the difference between her and my lousy ex is like night and day-- like WHOA!
anh: she was the worst damn girl
chime (girl): FCUK BITCHES, get money!
anh: Pooneh Salehi prefers to mingle with ethnic groups
crystal: cool!
anh: I prefer white people like Jake Woodruff and Don Vu
my galpal, chime, told me to fcuk bitches and get their money. I'll take that into consideration
wait. i'm not supposed to finish that bottle of wine in one sitting?
110825
raffy: if you can find a girl whom you would spend as much time on as you do with your car, she'd be happy
anh: haa she really would be!
kyle spilled his large smoothie all over his pants. so now, he's prancing around at work in a towel. woohoo!
23 hours 59 minutes 59 seconds more!
...
hate it when people post vague countdowns
some girls need to come with the EASY button
some peeps are much younger than I thought they were! I should refer them to some great plastic surgeons
we're like a boy band of five at work. kyle is the lead singer, Rich Le is the eye candy, and i'm the backup dancer lip synching in the back
crystal: what about bao and jon? are they coming?
anh: bao is in europe. jon has to work
crystal: oh, haven't seen them for a while
anh: ...and Don Vu is a hobo
crystal: what about Rich Le and kyle? are they coming?
anh: rich has to work. kyle is gay
rebooting... am I the only one who can crash my own phone while using facebook?
I have a redhead and a dark skin fetish. go figure
i'm craving mexican (pun intended)
crystal: what about joyce and kris?
anh: they'll be a week late. they're filipinos
crystal: what about Brittany Powell and Jake Woodruff?
anh: I don't like white people
I just insulted half of my friends who are filipinos. BAHAHAA
I do read everything in a british accent. whaaat?
I just posted a month's worth of status updates in one day? to some people, this is a year's worth!
I only agreed to date her cuz I thought she was 16. it's thrilling
110826
are you showing up tonight, Don Vu? they all want to see you... except Fannie Hsieh!
Bert Cruz is bringing a surprise guest tonight... HIMSELF! YEEHAAA!
wild night! Emily Cheng had to keep her little sister Tenzin Seldon from falling onto her face while Crystal Mira was braiding everybody's hair!
chime: i'mma beat christy up! I hate that bitch!
anh: hey, we can have Emily Cheng beat her up for you while Crystal Mira braids her hair!
drinking with lightweights is soo much fun! MUAHAHAA
110827
having beer with my little nephew at BJs. that's legal, right? mmm... BJs...
KEL-E (Kelley Nagano) | 2NE1's secret 5th band member
110828
only the superstitious believe in chain letters!
...
pass this on or misfortune will come to you
110830
I admit, i'm eccentric, but some artists are frakkin' WEIRD! you guys need to stop sniffing paints and markers!
my equivalent to "i disagree": don is a hobo
you've drawn digitally for too long when you look for "SAVE FILE" on your paper sketchbook
tired of being tired? eat healthier; exercise; and get more sleep!
I can't take this one guy seriously in this korean series. his name is SEIN; and in french, that means BREAST.
...
"are you getting engaged to sein?"
cyrus: what's up, bro?
anh: hey! the villain from HEROES...SIZZLER!
110831
anh's conscience: pull yourself together, man! think of her as your guy friend who's had a sex change... a REALLY good sex change! BAHAHAA!
anh: NOOO!
joyce: you're awesome anh! don't go gay!
...
aww one genuinely nice girl, right there!
Anhjun Lozfen is now friends with Enuf Peepol
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
SKITS - JULY
110702
sleepfacebooking: something anh does best
sleeplaughing: something kitty does best
sleepeating: something only don can do
110705
kitty: i have no idea what to get for anh's birthday!
don: why don't you just give him a $2.00 gift certificate to TARGET?
kitty: what?! why?
don: so he can buy his own birthday card!
110708
don: i'm still hungry. you have anything small i could snack on?
anh: i just dropped kitty off. so... no
110716
people tend to lose their appetite when they have to sit in front of Don Vu. he should try and eat in front of a mirror to see how it feels like
110717
3:33am DAMN! all these losers are still up! no, wait...
110720
rich is always bragging about being an american-born citizen. wouldn't it be funny if he was dropped off in the middle of a vietnam jungle and just blended right in with the locals?!
viet villager 1: DIT ME! why you look older than VILLAGE CHIEF?!
viet villager 2: bring your bow-and-arrow! we go fishing!
110722
just invited a whole mess of people just for livvy for INCHEONWON kbbq! if you guys can't make it, she'll remember this!
Hiroshi Ebihara: don't forget to checkout wongfu productions, don!
Don Vu: what? online?
Hiroshi Ebihara: yes, it's "W-O-N-G... F U"!
anh: did you just call me just to stay awake driving home from comic-con?
don: uh, yeah
anh: well, you can always call either me or... pretty much just me cuz nobody else would talk to you for THIS long!
110726
why do i keep most people in my list? cuz running into you guys after i delete you is AWKWARD!
my ex accused me of being too sensitive. while my other ex accused me of being insensitive. whaaat? lemme sum it up in two sounds:
...
WAAAAAAH! BAHAHAAA!
110727
asians are ALWAYS late! filipinos... TWICE as late! and Crystal... never got the memo
110703
anh: dog just chewed up my mother's shoes--not flipflops, SHOES! we're gonna have him put to sleep
lana: what? that's mean!
anh: haa kidding, lana! we're having him for dinner
ambulance sirens can be heard. seems like someone's already blown their hands off with illegal fireworks. happy 4th, peeps...
110704
wow. I've made all that effort to open the jar just for half a pickle
110707
rich: wow. you're done with that project already? YOU'RE FAST!
anh: that's what she said!
kitty: I'm in a CAR!
don: what is wrong with her?!
anh: is she frakkin' high on sugar?
kitty: I'm on a ROOF! i'mma jump off now
anh: oh no...
"you're not my type. anyone less than a C cup, I don't consider them a woman" | CITY HUNTER
...
haa so rude! surprisingly funny korean action series
110716
kitty is wearing her retainers. apparently, she doesn't want her teeth to turn out like don's "train wreck"
you needn't worry, most of my galpals are camwhores... even don
110717
I wanna master archery and have don hold the apple in his mouth
110719
don: ebi is wondering when we could have dinner with him
anh: if he's bringing his wife, I'll have her for dinner!
Jake Woodruff is MIA. let's hope he didn't get deported to CANADA
110721
how about those people who call you and ask, "what do you want?". or those who call you at 2am and ask, "are you asleep right now?"
110722
easy going looking women turn out to be difficult. while bitchy looking women like my sister turn out to be... difficult as well!
I was just looking for my dog's tail, but he never had one... that's how tired I am
110724
anh: you've met kevin before, right?
jon: I don't know. what does he look like?
anh: he's the asian guy with glasses
110725
anh: you know how hard it is to find parking at your place at this time?!
don: no, is it?
anh: I had to park all the way at MY place!
don: jeez! that bad?!
just caught an opossum with my bare hands for don tonight while he was screaming like a woman
110726
"that's how much 'feeling' your narcissist has for you. as much as that snake has for its prey... ZERO"
...
once you recognize one... RUN!
BAHAHAA you know you're in the OC when your white friend has to have her vietnamese coffee and sandwich!
looks can be deceiving. some bitchy looking girls are actually really nice!
date a foreigner, so that when arguments surface, you can blame it on the language barrier
110727
your habitual lateness is screwing up EVERYBODY! you know who you are!
...
(crystal was 2 hours late reading this post too!)
BEST BUY is really WORST BUY. try AMAZON.com instead!
lunch is for LOSERS!
Emily Cheng needs to get on MAN VS FOOD!
110728
jong: ¡el patron es aqui!
anh: ¡el diablo es aqui!
rich: if anyone is looking for me, tell them I'm in your sister's panties
anh: haa stoopid! she doesn't wear panties!
stay away from Don Vu! he sleeps in garbage
don: I don't use deodorant cuz I don't have any. and if I do, I forget to use it
anh: you can go screw yourself, rich!
rich: why would I screw myself when I can have someone else do that for me?
asians are ALWAYS late! filipinos are TWICE as late! and crystal... never got the memo
...
haa we love you, crystal!
110730
don: I can't get through to you. it's like explaining vietnamese to a mexican
anh: ...or explaining spanish to a vietnamese fob?
don: YES!
sleepfacebooking: something anh does best
sleeplaughing: something kitty does best
sleepeating: something only don can do
110705
kitty: i have no idea what to get for anh's birthday!
don: why don't you just give him a $2.00 gift certificate to TARGET?
kitty: what?! why?
don: so he can buy his own birthday card!
110708
don: i'm still hungry. you have anything small i could snack on?
anh: i just dropped kitty off. so... no
110716
people tend to lose their appetite when they have to sit in front of Don Vu. he should try and eat in front of a mirror to see how it feels like
110717
3:33am DAMN! all these losers are still up! no, wait...
110720
rich is always bragging about being an american-born citizen. wouldn't it be funny if he was dropped off in the middle of a vietnam jungle and just blended right in with the locals?!
viet villager 1: DIT ME! why you look older than VILLAGE CHIEF?!
viet villager 2: bring your bow-and-arrow! we go fishing!
110722
just invited a whole mess of people just for livvy for INCHEONWON kbbq! if you guys can't make it, she'll remember this!
Hiroshi Ebihara: don't forget to checkout wongfu productions, don!
Don Vu: what? online?
Hiroshi Ebihara: yes, it's "W-O-N-G... F U"!
anh: did you just call me just to stay awake driving home from comic-con?
don: uh, yeah
anh: well, you can always call either me or... pretty much just me cuz nobody else would talk to you for THIS long!
110726
why do i keep most people in my list? cuz running into you guys after i delete you is AWKWARD!
my ex accused me of being too sensitive. while my other ex accused me of being insensitive. whaaat? lemme sum it up in two sounds:
...
WAAAAAAH! BAHAHAAA!
110727
asians are ALWAYS late! filipinos... TWICE as late! and Crystal... never got the memo
110703
anh: dog just chewed up my mother's shoes--not flipflops, SHOES! we're gonna have him put to sleep
lana: what? that's mean!
anh: haa kidding, lana! we're having him for dinner
ambulance sirens can be heard. seems like someone's already blown their hands off with illegal fireworks. happy 4th, peeps...
110704
wow. I've made all that effort to open the jar just for half a pickle
110707
rich: wow. you're done with that project already? YOU'RE FAST!
anh: that's what she said!
kitty: I'm in a CAR!
don: what is wrong with her?!
anh: is she frakkin' high on sugar?
kitty: I'm on a ROOF! i'mma jump off now
anh: oh no...
"you're not my type. anyone less than a C cup, I don't consider them a woman" | CITY HUNTER
...
haa so rude! surprisingly funny korean action series
110716
kitty is wearing her retainers. apparently, she doesn't want her teeth to turn out like don's "train wreck"
you needn't worry, most of my galpals are camwhores... even don
110717
I wanna master archery and have don hold the apple in his mouth
110719
don: ebi is wondering when we could have dinner with him
anh: if he's bringing his wife, I'll have her for dinner!
Jake Woodruff is MIA. let's hope he didn't get deported to CANADA
110721
how about those people who call you and ask, "what do you want?". or those who call you at 2am and ask, "are you asleep right now?"
110722
easy going looking women turn out to be difficult. while bitchy looking women like my sister turn out to be... difficult as well!
I was just looking for my dog's tail, but he never had one... that's how tired I am
110724
anh: you've met kevin before, right?
jon: I don't know. what does he look like?
anh: he's the asian guy with glasses
110725
anh: you know how hard it is to find parking at your place at this time?!
don: no, is it?
anh: I had to park all the way at MY place!
don: jeez! that bad?!
just caught an opossum with my bare hands for don tonight while he was screaming like a woman
110726
"that's how much 'feeling' your narcissist has for you. as much as that snake has for its prey... ZERO"
...
once you recognize one... RUN!
BAHAHAA you know you're in the OC when your white friend has to have her vietnamese coffee and sandwich!
looks can be deceiving. some bitchy looking girls are actually really nice!
date a foreigner, so that when arguments surface, you can blame it on the language barrier
110727
your habitual lateness is screwing up EVERYBODY! you know who you are!
...
(crystal was 2 hours late reading this post too!)
BEST BUY is really WORST BUY. try AMAZON.com instead!
lunch is for LOSERS!
Emily Cheng needs to get on MAN VS FOOD!
110728
jong: ¡el patron es aqui!
anh: ¡el diablo es aqui!
rich: if anyone is looking for me, tell them I'm in your sister's panties
anh: haa stoopid! she doesn't wear panties!
stay away from Don Vu! he sleeps in garbage
don: I don't use deodorant cuz I don't have any. and if I do, I forget to use it
anh: you can go screw yourself, rich!
rich: why would I screw myself when I can have someone else do that for me?
asians are ALWAYS late! filipinos are TWICE as late! and crystal... never got the memo
...
haa we love you, crystal!
110730
don: I can't get through to you. it's like explaining vietnamese to a mexican
anh: ...or explaining spanish to a vietnamese fob?
don: YES!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
SKITS - JUNE
110601
if fannie was a guy, emily would be all over her!
facebook needs to add an "i would comment, but i really don't wanna get caught in a thread and receive endless notifications that are irrelevant to me" button!
110601
rich: do you wanna try my eggroll? it's kinda squishy
anh: that's what she said!
anh: do you know what LOL stands for?
don: Laugh Out Loud?
anh: alright, what about AOL?
don: America Out Loud?
anh: haa rich is not that innocent! he knows more than don!
rich: hey! you don't know what I do on my spare time!
kyle: yeah, prostitutes! haa
anh: no, he prefers the term "working girls"
kyle: omigod! rich has no nipples! I couldn't feel 'em!
anh: haa why did you even reach for them? rich is like japanese porn--he's CENSORED!
110602
UNHEARD OF! Fannie Hsieh... first person to fall asleep skydiving!
rich: who removed those mock pages without my knowing?!
anh: carmen before she quit. FINAL SABOTAGE!
carmen: I wanted to throw you bitches a curve ball! MUAHAHAA
kyle: my computer is slow
anh: no, it's the user
mom: I think your dad wanted to buy a toyota camera
anh: camera? you mean CAMRY!
...
my mom is a fob
drinking with minors should be legalized! they could be doing worse things... like drugs or watching "power rangers"
emily would pick soju over ice cream. don, you lose!
110603
most guys are cool... until the alcohol wears off. then they're surprisingly BORING!
I want her to get buzzed, not wasted. you ain't vomiting in my car, girlie!
olivia: so what have you been up to?
anh: check facebook
...
it surprises me how some still ask me that
"i don't have a cell phone, but I'll reach you via payphone!"
...
whatta fcuk is a payphone?!
110604
chocolate chip cookies are what people eat when they run out of oatmeal cookies
110605
we're both eurasians. I'm 1/4 french. she's 1/4 undecided
110606
people are like paper money. there are some fake bills
110601
rich: do you wanna try my eggroll? it's kinda squishy
anh: that's what she said!
anh: do you know what LOL stands for?
don: Laugh Out Loud?
anh: alright, what about AOL?
don: America Out Loud?
anh: haa rich is not that innocent! he knows more than don!
rich: hey! you don't know what I do on my spare time!
kyle: yeah, prostitutes! haa
anh: no, he prefers the term "working girls"
kyle: omigod! rich has no nipples! I couldn't feel 'em!
anh: haa why did you even reach for them? rich is like japanese porn--he's CENSORED!
110602
UNHEARD OF! Fannie Hsieh... first person to fall asleep skydiving!
rich: who removed those mock pages without my knowing?!
anh: carmen before she quit. FINAL SABOTAGE!
carmen: I wanted to throw you bitches a curve ball! MUAHAHAA
kyle: my computer is slow
anh: no, it's the user
mom: I think your dad wanted to buy a toyota camera
anh: camera? you mean CAMRY!
...
my mom is a fob
drinking with minors should be legalized! they could be doing worse things... like drugs or watching "power rangers"
emily would pick soju over ice cream. don, you lose!
110603
most guys are cool... until the alcohol wears off. then they're surprisingly BORING!
I want her to get buzzed, not wasted. you ain't vomiting in my car, girlie!
olivia: so what have you been up to?
anh: check facebook
...
it surprises me how some still ask me that
"i don't have a cell phone, but I'll reach you via payphone!"
...
whatta fcuk is a payphone?!
110604
chocolate chip cookies are what people eat when they run out of oatmeal cookies
110605
we're both eurasians. I'm 1/4 french. she's 1/4 undecided
110606
people are like paper money. there are some fake bills
amanda: did you get to talk to my friend, chi, at the club?
anh: not really. it was too loud!
amanda: oh, maybe we should hang out somewhere more quiet
anh: the library?
break me off a piece of that KITTY KAT bar!
everybody deserves respect, but if they don't give it to you, stick a banana into their exhaust pipe!
kitty: no, I'm not photogenic! the horror!
anh: what's horrible is your image of yourself
stop hiding from the camera. you have a great face, ugly
110607
anh: I want robin williams to be my boss
carmen: so you can have another clown?
rich: ding it! this candy wrapper is so hard to open!
anh: like opening a bra with one hand?
she got me at "i wanna see XMEN"
anh: don's still looking for his dignity
rich: why is he searching for something he never had?
anh: don's kids are 1/2 jap 1/2 viet
kitty: still asian though
anh: unfortunately
don, stop it! I'm not an ice cream cone!
anh: CHAMSUTGOL is the new INCHEONWON!
daniel (incheonwon co-owner): SAY WHAAAT?! I thought we were tight, homes!
my lingo is contagious. i've noticed peeps using my words... "girlie", "boob", and UGLY
I have a knack for spitting out smartass comments on the fly. I even surprise myself
110608
I've made don laugh to the point where he's broken a rib
david: I'm sure people will miss incheonwon, but as you say, let's get people out of their comfort zone. new faces, new places!
anh: out of their comfort zone? YES! next, I'll have them try DOG MEAT!
you peeps aren't frakkin' sitting with your own group this time. I'm mixing vanillas with chocolates!
don: we should have dinner
daniel: hey, there's a good vietnamese restaurant over there! [points to a petshop]
rich: hey! I'm the alpha male here!
kyle: alphabet?
anh: I like alphabits!
rich: I give you two choices. you either take your shoes off or scrub the floor
don: que pasta, senior?
anh: wow. 2 years of spanish
anh: rich, I got burned. can you suck my thumb?
rich: that's so inappropriate
jong: I'll suck your thumb!
jon: that's what she said!
anh: my long hair is getting out of hand
nikko: shave it, son!
anh: no, dad!
anh: I like kitty. the name, not the person. I can't be seen in public with you. please, wear a zorro mask
kitty: Don't have one. Can I just wear a paper bag?
omigod, don IS donkey from SHREK!
110609
don't you just love those bikers who are geared just like biker cops? it's like they purposely wanna freak you out!
...
what about those cops who look just like prostitutes?
the UPS guy is like santa claus!
Monday Tuesday W T F
no, I'm not that asian. I can't eat crawfish nor dog meat. I like my beef, thank you
kyle: my butt is shaped like an apple
jong: mmm... SEXY!
don: do I have an apple butt?
anh: you're shaped like a potato
discard of "friends" who drain your energy. I can help make it look like an accident. I'm a professional
yes, anh talks in the 3rd person half the time
jong: I'm done. now, I want desert!
anh: is your boyfriend in the parking lot?
don: you want fish tacos or a carne asada burrito?
anh: YES!
anh: I can't reach don! maybe he's in the shower
kitty: what? that's impossible!
110610
kitty: what does the L on your pendant stand for?
anh: well, actually--
kitty: "Loser"?
anh: ...
emily: romantic > sport-fanatic
...
got that right, girlie
mom: the GPS man might show up today to deliver your package
...
I didn't even bother correcting that one
I know guys who've cried for days without eating over their breakup. I'm sorry, but food comes first!
if I survived a plane crash in the andes mountains, I'd eat the first person with the sweetest ass... man OR woman
anh: you're about to faint. eat something!
kitty: too late. this is my ghost talking to you
...
BAHAHAA how does she come up with these?!
I've met someone who can make me laugh harder than I can make myself laugh. sweeeeeet!
I'mma text with her till my phone explodes!
the death penalty for smuggling drugs into bangladesh? isn't that a little... OVERKILL?
110611
"if it's good, it's gonna end up in my mouth" (COOKING channel | unique eats)
...
jon, this is too easy
I think I found a bag for you, ugly. now, I can take you out in public! YAY
useless mirrors! where's my reflection?! odd...
110612
mom: where did you find her?
anh: on the street... or was it the circus?
FCUK hit my foot against the chair! why do they make 'em with legs?!
alright, I should stop adding guys cuz some think it's gay!
anh: too bad I have the image of a playboy. bleh...
aefy: haa yeah! only playboys know how to treat girls!
anh: haa touchaaay!
110613
ugly dolls or ugly girls?
...
UGLY GIRLS, please!
yes, I boost their ego by calling them UGLY! boggles the mind...
I forgot brent has blocked me from deleting him! how the pho?!
how about those people who reply to their own texts?
...
kitty: LOL
kitty: HAHA
anh: I didn't say anything, kitty!
erick: hahaa! are you high, anh?!
anh: haa what are you talking about? this is natural high!
...
some think I'm high cuz I laugh uncontrollably when I talk sometimes! I'm like that outgoing drug dealer from PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
anh: how can I get bored with someone as funny and funny looking as you?
kitty: haa you won't!
I know you're not dumb, stupid!
110614
8:00am is too early to call anyone. I call them at 8:02am
don't joke about being a lesbian. I can't be dating those... again
just when you thought you were done with asians, they keep pulling you back in!
don: so Fannie Hsieh's not gonna make it to korean bbq?
anh: no, she's gonna be up north with her people... the sleepers
...
stephen king's THE SLEEPERS (coming soon)
just burped and it sounded like a lion's ROAR
MY FAVORITE 5: kitty, emily, fannie, rich, INCHEONWON
...
don is not even in my top 100
anh: CHAM doesn't take dinner reservations for FRI/SAT/SUN
kitty: what da heo?!
110615
duh boss: it's kinda COOL to be old fashioned every now and then
...
no, it's not! who the frak is this clown kidding?
rich: WONDER TWINS ACTIVATE!
anh: whatta hell are you saying?! who the frak are the wonder twins?
rich: they're part of SUPER FRIENDS!
anh: I don't know who those are!
rich: cuz you don't have any super friend!
she's almost like the female version of anh, but uglier
don: [gets shot in the leg] FCUK! OWW! omigod... $@#% MOTHERFOCKER!
anh: why are you being so overly dramatic? it's just a flesh wound. walk it off, SISSY!
don: alright, RAMBO!
I'm taking a break from taking a break!
110616
rich is a good guy trying to be bad.
anh is a bad guy trying to be good.
i swyped "always" and "smartass" appeared? my phone is trying to tell me something
rich: she's 18
anh: too old
it boggles my mind that some people really don't like being touched! do they reproduce asexually?
BAND-AIDS are for the weak. I prefer SUPER GLUE
joanna: have a nice weekend! don't party too much!
anh: I will
110617
anonymous: just delete the photos that look bad
anh: you mean any one with me in it?
anonymous: EXACTLY
don: I'm not gonna shower! NEVER EVER! you can't make me!
110618
Crystal Mira: emily's car drove off the mountain and she almost died! haa I thought that was so funny!
Emily Cheng: jeeh, I'm glad you find that entertaining...
Don Vu made Emily Cheng laugh so hard, her drink came out of her nose
once we took that bacardi shot, it instantly dissolved everything we just ate! whoa
110620
kitty: people are getting implants left and right
anh: don is getting a reduction
don is real clueless in the bedroom. he wouldn't know how to satisfy a woman... or a man
I've mistaken kitty for a skunk
kitty: don's hair looks angry
that white thing that fell out of don's nose wasn't white nose hair
110621
threw a corn nut towards my mouth. have no frakkin' idea where it went
I went from HAHAA to HAA to haa. now, i'mma stop laughing entirely and have you guys guess if I even found your comment... hilarious
anh: is it that when you say NO, you really mean YES?
kitty: no
110622
rich looks boring, but he's quite fun. he talks a lot of BS. never a dull moment! the most interesting man in the world. WE LOVE YOU, RICH!
Rich Le's face makes you tired
Alex Le' face makes you angry
Fannie Hsieh's face makes you hungry
Don Vu's face makes you lose your lunch AND yesterday's dinner!
anh: do you even know what LOL stands for?
don: Laughing Or Laughing?
sorry about my food upload again! I forget some peeps are forced to eat instant ramen, rice and soy sauce, or leather shoes... EVERYDAY!
I love it. I laugh so hard at my own posts
pool? what pool?! my pool is the OCEAN!
it's always the tiny girls who can eat more than anybody! Don Vu, you lost to Emily Cheng. you... PANZY!
I only deleted him cuz he thinks that JAY LENO is funnier than CONAN
I wonder if my nephew can move things with his mind. his head is HUGE!
110623
lilett: my daughter is getting her license
anh: wow. another asian woman on the road
lilett: filipinas are not that bad!
anh: ALL ASIANS ARE BAD!
anh: have to hit a friend's place for dinner
kitty: lucky you
anh: it's fried rice
kitty: ...
anh: haa kidding! it's rice with soy sauce
kitty: my fave
they asked me to stop shooting photos. it's like asking me to get off facebook
guys think about sex when they're not thinking about sex
people taste like chicken
110624
my dog is a handsome cat
don's wife: anh, do that again! that felt good!
don: yeah, he's really good at giving massages!
anh: fujie, I also give great open-bra FRONTAL massages!
110625
the house is gonna be sprayed for fleas. thanks don for bringing 'em over!
don is the village idiot... and it's a HUGE village
[harassing don pushing his stroller]
mam, you're unshaven
mam, there is a dress code for this clothing store
mam, emitting foul odors is prohibited
mam, close your legs!
mam, breast feeding is not allowed in the store!
[walking behind don pushing his stroller]
we came here to sight see and this is our view? it's like walking behind an elephant
anh: 45 min wait for a table at BJ'S?
don: I ain't waiting 45 min for a BJ!
anh: they have free refills on tap water! drink up!
don: yayYEAH!
kitty: you can grow a beard! does it hurt?
110626
don's wife is still looking for something... love
when i exhaust all 3 camera batteries, it means the party's over for me. I'M LEAVING!
110628
rich: I'm smarter than you, but you make more money? whatta heo?!
rich: it's been a while since I've had a banana
jon: that's what she said!
duh boss just left for the day, i'mma break out my flask and get reacquainted with mary j
110603
so hungry. must. stay. away. from. THE FRIDGE!
LET'S PIG OUT ON BEEF, PEACHES!
BEEF... the only meat that matters!
the cure to all your troubles... SOJU and HITE!
[on the phone about the 7pm dinner]
jon: who's there already?
anh: there're some people who are like 45 minutes late
jon: i'm filipino so that's still early
[at the restaurant]
kitty: where did your friends go?
anh: emily and marcus are in the shaky car with the steaming windows
David: kitty, looking at Don, can you tell that he's had braces before?
110604
esther: well it takes a lot for me to even agree to date people
anh: all it takes for me is some skin
omigod, my nephew brought a girl into his room O_o
is it legal to be awake this early on a frakkin' saturday morning?!
did you guys see the curves on QUEEN Pooneh Salehi last night?! she could turn a gay man straight!
so many ugly girls i wanna shoot! i should publish an UGLY magazine
anh: [to persian girl pooneh] hey! you and don could pass for siblings! you two have the same haircut! it's just that yours actually looks like you shampoo it
anh: wow. you dressed to impress last night!
esther: on occasion, i dress up. girls do that
...
so next time, esther shows up in a potato sac
i gotta nap at some point. perhaps when i'm driving... or diffusing a bomb
don: around anh, nothing is sacred... and no one is safe!
110605
I'm Attending | Maybe | No
...
i can't select [I'm Attending] cuz that would be making a promise!
i can't select [Maybe] cuz that really means "most likely not!"
i can't select [No] cuz that's sounds so frakkin' bad!
...
so i usually never answer to invitations
hungry... wait. INCHEONWON is still open till midnight! FCUK just missed it!
amanda: should we bring our camera to the club, tonight?
khoa: why? we have anh!
...
haa yes, i have an addiction that complements facebook!
i have almost 200 friends and i practically hangout with all of them O_o
...
restaurant host: ANH, party of 27! your tables are ready!
not too long ago
...
don: why don't you make new friends?
anh: naah... it's too much of a hassle trying to keep in touch with everybody! i only need a few close friends i can count with my fingers
...
i thank-you facebook. you made my taking don's advice to a whole. other. level!
david: JEEZ! why were you still awake at 4 in the morning?!
anh: so i can beat Kitty at something... not sleeping
again, i got a total stranger adding me. should i be worried? no, i don't have enough galpals
anh: how can you still be so active at this hour?!
anh: cuz sleeping is for LOSERS!
...
anh: hey, look! i'm talking to myself!
anh: you don't say!
FOB: hey, rich! who's that jerk who's spamming your wall with his status updates?
anh: Rich Le, tell your friend that i'm the same jerk who takes those exact photos of you that you post on facebook!
...
there's a french word for people like that: "IDIOT"
oh, and i have nothing against fobs. some are frakkin' hot!
ngoc: i thought you didn't know vietnamese!
anh: i know ugly monkeys
don't call me "mr. nice guy". i hate it. call me "mr. badass mofo"!
* Who Will Stay Awake Just to Watch You Sleep?
...
i'm still awake cuz i can't sleep with her snoring. should i use a pillow?
5 am... all in a night's work! goodnight, CHINA!
110606
to all asian women... yes, it's alright to keep some weight on! get over it! real men like MEAT!
if i delete her boyfriend, shouldn't i delete her too?
if i grabbed onto your boob, it was unintentional!
the nerve... don't think for a second that i'm stalking you. such arrogance! you're not ugly enough! people usually stalk me! BAHAHAA
anh: brent, i thought i already deleted you! must be broken
brent: i blocked you from deleting me
...
now THAT needs to be an added feature!
i'm a group you peeps into different categories:
...
friends | family | uglies | undecided | who the fcuk are you?
110607
anh: don wants you to try CHAMSUTGOL KBBQ this time!
emily: but i really like INCHEONWON!
anh: just try it once! it's not bad--
emily: but it's not good either!
i watched "THE RING" like a foot away from the TV in pitch black darkness. yes, i'm a horror buff!
La Quinta HS
...
don: what does "HS" mean?
110608
Don Vu's wife, fujie, is FUGLY! it's BEYOND ugly. it's fujie-ugly!
"don't date the most beautiful girl in the world. date the girl who makes your world the most beautiful" (stole this from nikko who stole it from unknown)
if facebook was a woman, she'd put a restraining order on me!
hungry. craving. massive. amount. of... BRISKETS!
110610
bungee-jumping with a long cord is extremely thrilling, but you only get to do it once
110612
i've successfully contacted an alien life-form. i codename it "KITTY143"
got invited to another party of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. yeah, that sounds about right
alright, deleting some dudes from my list! starting with... whatta hell--my best friend! Don Vu! continued with... jack of all trades! David Cook!
110613
they should fuse some shows...
Andrew Zimmern VS FOOD: dog eating edition
110614
don: mmm this croissant is really good! are you sure you don't want one last piece? ARE YOU SURE?!
anh: dude, I'm sure! I'm french. we grow chocolate croissants from trees!
110617
anh: i gotta apply makeup
kitty: yeah, you do
anh: i hate you!
kitty: get some makeup tips from don
anh: BAHAHAA he's GORGEOUS!
Anh: alright! you both are taking shots with me! who's driving?
Joyce: oh, chris is!
Kris: i'm the DD
Emily Cheng: he's her Designated Drunk Driver!
110618
David is an A-list mofo. there is only one
Don loves to laugh on all fours
anh: you may have had food poisoning
kitty: dunno. i threw everything up. YAY!
anh: get off your bed and have something light... like a mouse
kitty: how did crystal learn to count in vietnamese?
anh: from the korean dude, david!
110620
Don Vu is a LOCO FOBO BOZO HOBO MOFO!
----
Anhjun Lozfen: BLOCK dung pham! it attempted to add my cousin!
Don Vu: What happened? Why you say that now?
Anhjun Lozfen: ATTEMPTED TO ADD MY COUSIN! that's not clear enough for you? do i have to say it in french, focker?
Don Vu: HAHAHAHAAA!
Anhjun Lozfen: IT tried the same thing with kitty!
Don Vu: Yo understand what tu hables en ingles para pi para pa para cu!
Don Vu: IT es a creature?
Anhjun Lozfen: i'mma give your address to all of my spanish speaking buddies
Anhjun Lozfen: you're the hideous creature with the angry hair you... ignorant FOOL!
Don Vu: Tu no tiene espanoles speaking friends! Donde esta aqui?!
Anhjun Lozfen: THAT'S IT! i'm on my way with mom and a titanium steel-reinforced bamboo stick, focker!
----
when anh calls you UGLY that's a good thing. but if he calls you GORGEOUS, he must hate you with a passion
Tenzin Seldon is UGLY | Don Vu is GORGEOUS
Crystal Mira: the longer it is, the more curious I get
"it's his birthday. say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
...
uh, NO!
110621
don: how old is chime? is she the same age as emily?
anh: no, she's younger
don: how can anyone POSSIBLY be younger than EMILY?!
anh: i know, right? whatta pho?!
110622
david: photos of kitty, i like... but of don, NO!
anh: i'm so sorry about sending you photos of don, david! it will happen again
110624
amazes me how many still manage to misspell simple words even with spell check!
110629
raffy: Happy birthday Boob!
...
Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past... You can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one ;)
...
By the way... its ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
if fannie was a guy, emily would be all over her!
facebook needs to add an "i would comment, but i really don't wanna get caught in a thread and receive endless notifications that are irrelevant to me" button!
110601
rich: do you wanna try my eggroll? it's kinda squishy
anh: that's what she said!
anh: do you know what LOL stands for?
don: Laugh Out Loud?
anh: alright, what about AOL?
don: America Out Loud?
anh: haa rich is not that innocent! he knows more than don!
rich: hey! you don't know what I do on my spare time!
kyle: yeah, prostitutes! haa
anh: no, he prefers the term "working girls"
kyle: omigod! rich has no nipples! I couldn't feel 'em!
anh: haa why did you even reach for them? rich is like japanese porn--he's CENSORED!
110602
UNHEARD OF! Fannie Hsieh... first person to fall asleep skydiving!
rich: who removed those mock pages without my knowing?!
anh: carmen before she quit. FINAL SABOTAGE!
carmen: I wanted to throw you bitches a curve ball! MUAHAHAA
kyle: my computer is slow
anh: no, it's the user
mom: I think your dad wanted to buy a toyota camera
anh: camera? you mean CAMRY!
...
my mom is a fob
drinking with minors should be legalized! they could be doing worse things... like drugs or watching "power rangers"
emily would pick soju over ice cream. don, you lose!
110603
most guys are cool... until the alcohol wears off. then they're surprisingly BORING!
I want her to get buzzed, not wasted. you ain't vomiting in my car, girlie!
olivia: so what have you been up to?
anh: check facebook
...
it surprises me how some still ask me that
"i don't have a cell phone, but I'll reach you via payphone!"
...
whatta fcuk is a payphone?!
110604
chocolate chip cookies are what people eat when they run out of oatmeal cookies
110605
we're both eurasians. I'm 1/4 french. she's 1/4 undecided
110606
people are like paper money. there are some fake bills
110601
rich: do you wanna try my eggroll? it's kinda squishy
anh: that's what she said!
anh: do you know what LOL stands for?
don: Laugh Out Loud?
anh: alright, what about AOL?
don: America Out Loud?
anh: haa rich is not that innocent! he knows more than don!
rich: hey! you don't know what I do on my spare time!
kyle: yeah, prostitutes! haa
anh: no, he prefers the term "working girls"
kyle: omigod! rich has no nipples! I couldn't feel 'em!
anh: haa why did you even reach for them? rich is like japanese porn--he's CENSORED!
110602
UNHEARD OF! Fannie Hsieh... first person to fall asleep skydiving!
rich: who removed those mock pages without my knowing?!
anh: carmen before she quit. FINAL SABOTAGE!
carmen: I wanted to throw you bitches a curve ball! MUAHAHAA
kyle: my computer is slow
anh: no, it's the user
mom: I think your dad wanted to buy a toyota camera
anh: camera? you mean CAMRY!
...
my mom is a fob
drinking with minors should be legalized! they could be doing worse things... like drugs or watching "power rangers"
emily would pick soju over ice cream. don, you lose!
110603
most guys are cool... until the alcohol wears off. then they're surprisingly BORING!
I want her to get buzzed, not wasted. you ain't vomiting in my car, girlie!
olivia: so what have you been up to?
anh: check facebook
...
it surprises me how some still ask me that
"i don't have a cell phone, but I'll reach you via payphone!"
...
whatta fcuk is a payphone?!
110604
chocolate chip cookies are what people eat when they run out of oatmeal cookies
110605
we're both eurasians. I'm 1/4 french. she's 1/4 undecided
110606
people are like paper money. there are some fake bills
amanda: did you get to talk to my friend, chi, at the club?
anh: not really. it was too loud!
amanda: oh, maybe we should hang out somewhere more quiet
anh: the library?
break me off a piece of that KITTY KAT bar!
everybody deserves respect, but if they don't give it to you, stick a banana into their exhaust pipe!
kitty: no, I'm not photogenic! the horror!
anh: what's horrible is your image of yourself
stop hiding from the camera. you have a great face, ugly
110607
anh: I want robin williams to be my boss
carmen: so you can have another clown?
rich: ding it! this candy wrapper is so hard to open!
anh: like opening a bra with one hand?
she got me at "i wanna see XMEN"
anh: don's still looking for his dignity
rich: why is he searching for something he never had?
anh: don's kids are 1/2 jap 1/2 viet
kitty: still asian though
anh: unfortunately
don, stop it! I'm not an ice cream cone!
anh: CHAMSUTGOL is the new INCHEONWON!
daniel (incheonwon co-owner): SAY WHAAAT?! I thought we were tight, homes!
my lingo is contagious. i've noticed peeps using my words... "girlie", "boob", and UGLY
I have a knack for spitting out smartass comments on the fly. I even surprise myself
110608
I've made don laugh to the point where he's broken a rib
david: I'm sure people will miss incheonwon, but as you say, let's get people out of their comfort zone. new faces, new places!
anh: out of their comfort zone? YES! next, I'll have them try DOG MEAT!
you peeps aren't frakkin' sitting with your own group this time. I'm mixing vanillas with chocolates!
don: we should have dinner
daniel: hey, there's a good vietnamese restaurant over there! [points to a petshop]
rich: hey! I'm the alpha male here!
kyle: alphabet?
anh: I like alphabits!
rich: I give you two choices. you either take your shoes off or scrub the floor
don: que pasta, senior?
anh: wow. 2 years of spanish
anh: rich, I got burned. can you suck my thumb?
rich: that's so inappropriate
jong: I'll suck your thumb!
jon: that's what she said!
anh: my long hair is getting out of hand
nikko: shave it, son!
anh: no, dad!
anh: I like kitty. the name, not the person. I can't be seen in public with you. please, wear a zorro mask
kitty: Don't have one. Can I just wear a paper bag?
omigod, don IS donkey from SHREK!
110609
don't you just love those bikers who are geared just like biker cops? it's like they purposely wanna freak you out!
...
what about those cops who look just like prostitutes?
the UPS guy is like santa claus!
Monday Tuesday W T F
no, I'm not that asian. I can't eat crawfish nor dog meat. I like my beef, thank you
kyle: my butt is shaped like an apple
jong: mmm... SEXY!
don: do I have an apple butt?
anh: you're shaped like a potato
discard of "friends" who drain your energy. I can help make it look like an accident. I'm a professional
yes, anh talks in the 3rd person half the time
jong: I'm done. now, I want desert!
anh: is your boyfriend in the parking lot?
don: you want fish tacos or a carne asada burrito?
anh: YES!
anh: I can't reach don! maybe he's in the shower
kitty: what? that's impossible!
110610
kitty: what does the L on your pendant stand for?
anh: well, actually--
kitty: "Loser"?
anh: ...
emily: romantic > sport-fanatic
...
got that right, girlie
mom: the GPS man might show up today to deliver your package
...
I didn't even bother correcting that one
I know guys who've cried for days without eating over their breakup. I'm sorry, but food comes first!
if I survived a plane crash in the andes mountains, I'd eat the first person with the sweetest ass... man OR woman
anh: you're about to faint. eat something!
kitty: too late. this is my ghost talking to you
...
BAHAHAA how does she come up with these?!
I've met someone who can make me laugh harder than I can make myself laugh. sweeeeeet!
I'mma text with her till my phone explodes!
the death penalty for smuggling drugs into bangladesh? isn't that a little... OVERKILL?
110611
"if it's good, it's gonna end up in my mouth" (COOKING channel | unique eats)
...
jon, this is too easy
I think I found a bag for you, ugly. now, I can take you out in public! YAY
useless mirrors! where's my reflection?! odd...
110612
mom: where did you find her?
anh: on the street... or was it the circus?
FCUK hit my foot against the chair! why do they make 'em with legs?!
alright, I should stop adding guys cuz some think it's gay!
anh: too bad I have the image of a playboy. bleh...
aefy: haa yeah! only playboys know how to treat girls!
anh: haa touchaaay!
110613
ugly dolls or ugly girls?
...
UGLY GIRLS, please!
yes, I boost their ego by calling them UGLY! boggles the mind...
I forgot brent has blocked me from deleting him! how the pho?!
how about those people who reply to their own texts?
...
kitty: LOL
kitty: HAHA
anh: I didn't say anything, kitty!
erick: hahaa! are you high, anh?!
anh: haa what are you talking about? this is natural high!
...
some think I'm high cuz I laugh uncontrollably when I talk sometimes! I'm like that outgoing drug dealer from PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
anh: how can I get bored with someone as funny and funny looking as you?
kitty: haa you won't!
I know you're not dumb, stupid!
110614
8:00am is too early to call anyone. I call them at 8:02am
don't joke about being a lesbian. I can't be dating those... again
just when you thought you were done with asians, they keep pulling you back in!
don: so Fannie Hsieh's not gonna make it to korean bbq?
anh: no, she's gonna be up north with her people... the sleepers
...
stephen king's THE SLEEPERS (coming soon)
just burped and it sounded like a lion's ROAR
MY FAVORITE 5: kitty, emily, fannie, rich, INCHEONWON
...
don is not even in my top 100
anh: CHAM doesn't take dinner reservations for FRI/SAT/SUN
kitty: what da heo?!
110615
duh boss: it's kinda COOL to be old fashioned every now and then
...
no, it's not! who the frak is this clown kidding?
rich: WONDER TWINS ACTIVATE!
anh: whatta hell are you saying?! who the frak are the wonder twins?
rich: they're part of SUPER FRIENDS!
anh: I don't know who those are!
rich: cuz you don't have any super friend!
she's almost like the female version of anh, but uglier
don: [gets shot in the leg] FCUK! OWW! omigod... $@#% MOTHERFOCKER!
anh: why are you being so overly dramatic? it's just a flesh wound. walk it off, SISSY!
don: alright, RAMBO!
I'm taking a break from taking a break!
110616
rich is a good guy trying to be bad.
anh is a bad guy trying to be good.
i swyped "always" and "smartass" appeared? my phone is trying to tell me something
rich: she's 18
anh: too old
it boggles my mind that some people really don't like being touched! do they reproduce asexually?
BAND-AIDS are for the weak. I prefer SUPER GLUE
joanna: have a nice weekend! don't party too much!
anh: I will
110617
anonymous: just delete the photos that look bad
anh: you mean any one with me in it?
anonymous: EXACTLY
don: I'm not gonna shower! NEVER EVER! you can't make me!
110618
Crystal Mira: emily's car drove off the mountain and she almost died! haa I thought that was so funny!
Emily Cheng: jeeh, I'm glad you find that entertaining...
Don Vu made Emily Cheng laugh so hard, her drink came out of her nose
once we took that bacardi shot, it instantly dissolved everything we just ate! whoa
110620
kitty: people are getting implants left and right
anh: don is getting a reduction
don is real clueless in the bedroom. he wouldn't know how to satisfy a woman... or a man
I've mistaken kitty for a skunk
kitty: don's hair looks angry
that white thing that fell out of don's nose wasn't white nose hair
110621
threw a corn nut towards my mouth. have no frakkin' idea where it went
I went from HAHAA to HAA to haa. now, i'mma stop laughing entirely and have you guys guess if I even found your comment... hilarious
anh: is it that when you say NO, you really mean YES?
kitty: no
110622
rich looks boring, but he's quite fun. he talks a lot of BS. never a dull moment! the most interesting man in the world. WE LOVE YOU, RICH!
Rich Le's face makes you tired
Alex Le' face makes you angry
Fannie Hsieh's face makes you hungry
Don Vu's face makes you lose your lunch AND yesterday's dinner!
anh: do you even know what LOL stands for?
don: Laughing Or Laughing?
sorry about my food upload again! I forget some peeps are forced to eat instant ramen, rice and soy sauce, or leather shoes... EVERYDAY!
I love it. I laugh so hard at my own posts
pool? what pool?! my pool is the OCEAN!
it's always the tiny girls who can eat more than anybody! Don Vu, you lost to Emily Cheng. you... PANZY!
I only deleted him cuz he thinks that JAY LENO is funnier than CONAN
I wonder if my nephew can move things with his mind. his head is HUGE!
110623
lilett: my daughter is getting her license
anh: wow. another asian woman on the road
lilett: filipinas are not that bad!
anh: ALL ASIANS ARE BAD!
anh: have to hit a friend's place for dinner
kitty: lucky you
anh: it's fried rice
kitty: ...
anh: haa kidding! it's rice with soy sauce
kitty: my fave
they asked me to stop shooting photos. it's like asking me to get off facebook
guys think about sex when they're not thinking about sex
people taste like chicken
110624
my dog is a handsome cat
don's wife: anh, do that again! that felt good!
don: yeah, he's really good at giving massages!
anh: fujie, I also give great open-bra FRONTAL massages!
110625
the house is gonna be sprayed for fleas. thanks don for bringing 'em over!
don is the village idiot... and it's a HUGE village
[harassing don pushing his stroller]
mam, you're unshaven
mam, there is a dress code for this clothing store
mam, emitting foul odors is prohibited
mam, close your legs!
mam, breast feeding is not allowed in the store!
[walking behind don pushing his stroller]
we came here to sight see and this is our view? it's like walking behind an elephant
anh: 45 min wait for a table at BJ'S?
don: I ain't waiting 45 min for a BJ!
anh: they have free refills on tap water! drink up!
don: yayYEAH!
kitty: you can grow a beard! does it hurt?
110626
don's wife is still looking for something... love
when i exhaust all 3 camera batteries, it means the party's over for me. I'M LEAVING!
110628
rich: I'm smarter than you, but you make more money? whatta heo?!
rich: it's been a while since I've had a banana
jon: that's what she said!
duh boss just left for the day, i'mma break out my flask and get reacquainted with mary j
110603
so hungry. must. stay. away. from. THE FRIDGE!
LET'S PIG OUT ON BEEF, PEACHES!
BEEF... the only meat that matters!
the cure to all your troubles... SOJU and HITE!
[on the phone about the 7pm dinner]
jon: who's there already?
anh: there're some people who are like 45 minutes late
jon: i'm filipino so that's still early
[at the restaurant]
kitty: where did your friends go?
anh: emily and marcus are in the shaky car with the steaming windows
David: kitty, looking at Don, can you tell that he's had braces before?
110604
esther: well it takes a lot for me to even agree to date people
anh: all it takes for me is some skin
omigod, my nephew brought a girl into his room O_o
is it legal to be awake this early on a frakkin' saturday morning?!
did you guys see the curves on QUEEN Pooneh Salehi last night?! she could turn a gay man straight!
so many ugly girls i wanna shoot! i should publish an UGLY magazine
anh: [to persian girl pooneh] hey! you and don could pass for siblings! you two have the same haircut! it's just that yours actually looks like you shampoo it
anh: wow. you dressed to impress last night!
esther: on occasion, i dress up. girls do that
...
so next time, esther shows up in a potato sac
i gotta nap at some point. perhaps when i'm driving... or diffusing a bomb
don: around anh, nothing is sacred... and no one is safe!
110605
I'm Attending | Maybe | No
...
i can't select [I'm Attending] cuz that would be making a promise!
i can't select [Maybe] cuz that really means "most likely not!"
i can't select [No] cuz that's sounds so frakkin' bad!
...
so i usually never answer to invitations
hungry... wait. INCHEONWON is still open till midnight! FCUK just missed it!
amanda: should we bring our camera to the club, tonight?
khoa: why? we have anh!
...
haa yes, i have an addiction that complements facebook!
i have almost 200 friends and i practically hangout with all of them O_o
...
restaurant host: ANH, party of 27! your tables are ready!
not too long ago
...
don: why don't you make new friends?
anh: naah... it's too much of a hassle trying to keep in touch with everybody! i only need a few close friends i can count with my fingers
...
i thank-you facebook. you made my taking don's advice to a whole. other. level!
david: JEEZ! why were you still awake at 4 in the morning?!
anh: so i can beat Kitty at something... not sleeping
again, i got a total stranger adding me. should i be worried? no, i don't have enough galpals
anh: how can you still be so active at this hour?!
anh: cuz sleeping is for LOSERS!
...
anh: hey, look! i'm talking to myself!
anh: you don't say!
FOB: hey, rich! who's that jerk who's spamming your wall with his status updates?
anh: Rich Le, tell your friend that i'm the same jerk who takes those exact photos of you that you post on facebook!
...
there's a french word for people like that: "IDIOT"
oh, and i have nothing against fobs. some are frakkin' hot!
ngoc: i thought you didn't know vietnamese!
anh: i know ugly monkeys
don't call me "mr. nice guy". i hate it. call me "mr. badass mofo"!
* Who Will Stay Awake Just to Watch You Sleep?
...
i'm still awake cuz i can't sleep with her snoring. should i use a pillow?
5 am... all in a night's work! goodnight, CHINA!
110606
to all asian women... yes, it's alright to keep some weight on! get over it! real men like MEAT!
if i delete her boyfriend, shouldn't i delete her too?
if i grabbed onto your boob, it was unintentional!
the nerve... don't think for a second that i'm stalking you. such arrogance! you're not ugly enough! people usually stalk me! BAHAHAA
anh: brent, i thought i already deleted you! must be broken
brent: i blocked you from deleting me
...
now THAT needs to be an added feature!
i'm a group you peeps into different categories:
...
friends | family | uglies | undecided | who the fcuk are you?
110607
anh: don wants you to try CHAMSUTGOL KBBQ this time!
emily: but i really like INCHEONWON!
anh: just try it once! it's not bad--
emily: but it's not good either!
i watched "THE RING" like a foot away from the TV in pitch black darkness. yes, i'm a horror buff!
La Quinta HS
...
don: what does "HS" mean?
110608
Don Vu's wife, fujie, is FUGLY! it's BEYOND ugly. it's fujie-ugly!
"don't date the most beautiful girl in the world. date the girl who makes your world the most beautiful" (stole this from nikko who stole it from unknown)
if facebook was a woman, she'd put a restraining order on me!
hungry. craving. massive. amount. of... BRISKETS!
110610
bungee-jumping with a long cord is extremely thrilling, but you only get to do it once
110612
i've successfully contacted an alien life-form. i codename it "KITTY143"
got invited to another party of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. yeah, that sounds about right
alright, deleting some dudes from my list! starting with... whatta hell--my best friend! Don Vu! continued with... jack of all trades! David Cook!
110613
they should fuse some shows...
Andrew Zimmern VS FOOD: dog eating edition
110614
don: mmm this croissant is really good! are you sure you don't want one last piece? ARE YOU SURE?!
anh: dude, I'm sure! I'm french. we grow chocolate croissants from trees!
110617
anh: i gotta apply makeup
kitty: yeah, you do
anh: i hate you!
kitty: get some makeup tips from don
anh: BAHAHAA he's GORGEOUS!
Anh: alright! you both are taking shots with me! who's driving?
Joyce: oh, chris is!
Kris: i'm the DD
Emily Cheng: he's her Designated Drunk Driver!
110618
David is an A-list mofo. there is only one
Don loves to laugh on all fours
anh: you may have had food poisoning
kitty: dunno. i threw everything up. YAY!
anh: get off your bed and have something light... like a mouse
kitty: how did crystal learn to count in vietnamese?
anh: from the korean dude, david!
110620
Don Vu is a LOCO FOBO BOZO HOBO MOFO!
----
Anhjun Lozfen: BLOCK dung pham! it attempted to add my cousin!
Don Vu: What happened? Why you say that now?
Anhjun Lozfen: ATTEMPTED TO ADD MY COUSIN! that's not clear enough for you? do i have to say it in french, focker?
Don Vu: HAHAHAHAAA!
Anhjun Lozfen: IT tried the same thing with kitty!
Don Vu: Yo understand what tu hables en ingles para pi para pa para cu!
Don Vu: IT es a creature?
Anhjun Lozfen: i'mma give your address to all of my spanish speaking buddies
Anhjun Lozfen: you're the hideous creature with the angry hair you... ignorant FOOL!
Don Vu: Tu no tiene espanoles speaking friends! Donde esta aqui?!
Anhjun Lozfen: THAT'S IT! i'm on my way with mom and a titanium steel-reinforced bamboo stick, focker!
----
when anh calls you UGLY that's a good thing. but if he calls you GORGEOUS, he must hate you with a passion
Tenzin Seldon is UGLY | Don Vu is GORGEOUS
Crystal Mira: the longer it is, the more curious I get
"it's his birthday. say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
...
uh, NO!
110621
don: how old is chime? is she the same age as emily?
anh: no, she's younger
don: how can anyone POSSIBLY be younger than EMILY?!
anh: i know, right? whatta pho?!
110622
david: photos of kitty, i like... but of don, NO!
anh: i'm so sorry about sending you photos of don, david! it will happen again
110624
amazes me how many still manage to misspell simple words even with spell check!
110629
raffy: Happy birthday Boob!
...
Two tips on your birthday:
1) Forget the past... You can't change it.
2) Forget the present, I didn't get you one ;)
...
By the way... its ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
SKITS - MAY
110502
I don't download as much porn anymore. DAMN YOU, FACEBOOK!
jimmy: I heard obama go shot. oh well, going back to sleep...
anh: get dressed! I'm supposed to take you out for some air today!
sister: just to get into another building?
anh: YES!
asian. girls. in. shorts. must. RESIST!
chewing rare steaks takes forever!
dinh: we do have four seasons. we just skip all the sh@#ty ones! (speaking for californians)
I'm good with kids. they love me. and I'm not just talking about high schoolers
110503
sister: I came all the way from hong kong to catch up on american pop, but instead, I get a crash course in kpop?
anh: MUAHAHAA
raffy: I saw, I conquered, I came... twice
I trust you with my sister, rich... but I can't trust you with my brother!
don: she's a nutcase! why are you still with her?!
anh: cuz the sex is sooo good!
110504
I could change my own oil, but I ain't ruining these beautiful nails!
someone hook rich up with a hot nerd! his sexuality is now in question
110506
this dude has been making a racket since 8am with his lousy chainsaw! how much effort does it really take to trim a bush?! just shave the damn thing off!
I need to see more white people! asians are all starting to look alike to me
110507
hitler insisted that I email him my essay asap. whoa...
duh boss tried to zoom in on a MAC monitor by using the reverse pinching method like you would on an iphone. really?! hence his nickname
rich is going bear hunting. anyone interested, hit him up! animal activists, ask me for his address
110508
mom: have some chicken popeye!
anh: what?
mom: chicken popeye!
anh: chicken "popeye"? omigod, there isn't even any spinach in there! you mean chicken "pot pie"!
my nephew just called me "daddy" O_o
110510
when I first met my ex's mother, I mistakened her for the maid
rich: I can't afford to get spaghetti stains on me. you won't mind if I remove my white shirt, would you?
anh: no, I'm not a breast man
like my ex, rich also drives with his top down
I wanna play "crouching monkey, hidden dragon"
rich: you wouldn't like this brie anyway... it's american
anh: I eat american!
rich: I'm talking about cheese here!
110511
thanks to carmen, I have to wake up early just to get her a LARGE lee's coffee complete with whip cream for her last day in HELL tomorrow!
rich has a giant mirror hanging on the ceiling over his bed. what is that for?
girls, don't eat a banana in front of a guy. it's such a TEASE! mmm
BIG BANG's "stupid liar" is BANGin'! haa
110512
since it's carmen's last day in hell, she doesn't have to care much. she can just spend the whole day locked in the company restroom
anh: what is it? you have a complaint about the lee's coffee I got you?
mylene: yeah, it's too small...
anh: well, you'll get a large if you leave the company!
110514
Anhjun Lozfen has changed his relationship status to "What was I thinking?!"
MAGGIE Q is in PRIEST? I prefer my mother's face over hers! that's how bad it is!
I'm at a non-alcoholic party. thanks, keira!
110515
why does holy water have to burn so much?
110517
[texting]
anh: carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?
carmen: LOL
anh: break! go out for a smoke! raffy brought some green!
carmen: Well I'm glad you kinda miss me...that or you are really bored!
anh: wait. you're not in the restroom?
carmen: You crack me up!
anh: duh boss shaved his head
carmen: Liar! I would almost come back for that!
anh: haa oh yeah! it would be a site!
anh: *website
anh: why do I have to pay for everything?
girl: I give you sex
anh: so you're a prostitute?
[texting carmen]
carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?
jimmy: free sh@# at starbucks!
anh: actually, crap is free anywhere
kyle: you need to lay out those pages
rich: hey! if anything needs to get laid--
anh: you bring her to me!
don: how do you say "eiffel tower" in french?
anh: [with heavy french accent] "EIFFEL... TOWER"
anh: what's sarvy's little brother's name?
don: well, her older brother's name is SOLTAN
anh: so what's her little brother's? SOLARIS?!
don: BAHAHAA that's not even a human name!
anh: haa no! it's a frakkin' car! "SOLARIS XE"!
110518
kyle: hey! I'm having the same thing as anh for lunch!
anh: is it korean bbq ribs?
rich: I dunno
anh: i like eating koreans
my attempt at keeping my friend count at 69 has failed... countless times! for every friend I delete, I gain 5 more!
she's frakkin' 15! a little young for me... I'll wait till she's 16
110519
"have you ever been in a relationship so long that you're practically begging for them to cheat?" STEVE BYRNE
rich: so, are you going to any rapture parties?
anh: wait. the end of the world is friday night, right?
rich: technically, yes
anh: I'll party saturday night then
RICH's job position: WALKER
he basically walks around in the building holding his pretentious coffee mug, trying to look busy
duh boss showed up during lunch in the breakroom to talk about work?! what an ass
now, I'm curious about BRIDESMAIDS! yes, I'm a woman
110520
watching ATHENA (spinoff from overwhelmingly successful spy thriller series IRIS) and SOO AE is kicking serious ass! this one makes NIKITA feel like a ride in the stroller! think 24 meets BOURNE
110521
don: a lot of bad movies are good
to be on the safe side, date asian girls! they seem to get younger and younger. especially the ones I date!
110522
anh: to all the single girls out there, you'll find the right one when you least expect it!
brent: in the meantime, anh's number is...
110523
I must be hungry. I'm looking for my phone while being on the phone with someone
I swear. my sisters' dad is so used to have everything done for him. it's pathetic!
dad: what's for dinner?
mom: it's on the stove
dad: where's the stove?
mom: in the kitchen!
anh: where's the kitchen?!
110524
kyle: hey! how did you know what I just said in tagalog?
rich: your language is like your women... EASY!
anh: haa really? are they?
rich: well, they seem difficult to me!
rich: look, you need to add a light blue background on this picture of duh boss
anh: how about a flaming hellish background?
anh: hey, so... can we meet after work? I have [mexican actress] barbara mori with me
don: HOLY FCUK! whether or not I can leave work at 5, I'LL DO IT!
rich: so you were late this morning?
anh: yeah, frakkin' school zone
rich: haa are you even allowed near school zones?
anh: actually, no
I dedicate this song to my musky hobo, don!
"why do flies... suddenly appear... everytime... you are near?"
don, uh, warning. if you ever run into any of my exes--it doesn't matter! they have no idea who the frak you are!
don: hey, is "concierge" french for "carnegie hall"?
anh: haa what? you are a MASTER in IDIOCY! they have a word for your kind in french... "IDIOT"!
"don, if you want me to go down on you, you'll have to shave! I'm wearing braces"
don: K.Y. jelly? what's this for?
anh: you clean your contacts with that
facebook is more addictive than porn. I may have a problem
HELL NO, I ain't adding no parents! have you seen the materials i post here?! and all those uglies?
don: hey, you keep calling me "hobo". that means "homeboy", right?
anh: riiiiight... and joy is my "fubu". which means "fun buddy"
110525
[don surfing for porn on anh's phone]
anh: [british accent] hahahaa... naugh...TEA!
[finishes his tiny serving of tea, then eats the puny cup]
I rarely add guys to my list... only the hot ones
don: hey, how's rich doing?
anh: still CHINESE!
don: you ever felt depressed even if it's nice and sunny outside?
anh: aww... really? just watch SCHINDLER'S LIST or visit the MUSEUM OF TOLERANCE. that'll cheer you up!
rich, your music is distracting! can't you play some elevator music like THE BEATLES or something?
anh: how do you eat rice everyday?
kyle: with a spoon
rich: that's strange! I can't get any 4G reception!
anh: there are no females up here. how can there be any G-spot?!
110526
[after a mishap with the hot sauce]
anh: of course, it had to squirt on me
jon: that's what she said!
MARIA TZINTZUN... the only latina I know with a virtually oriental last name! I can't even pronounce it without butchering it!
110527
LA has too many impatient drivers. they flip you off for just being in the car!
that's my boy! my talentless boy! he's last in his class! I'm proud of each and every thing he doesn't achieve! at least, he tried! he's wasting so much potential as a human being, I truly believe he should've been born an insect!
don: what does LMFAO mean?
anh: are you kidding me? do you even know what ASAP stands for?
the scotch shot I'm having is older than my girls! whaaat?
110528
headache... why is there a tiger in the bathroom?
110530
[matsu restaurant]
nephew: can I get another drink?
anh: just wait for the ice to melt
110531
emily, bring your bikini! don wants to try it on. he can make any size HIS size!
I wanna see don in a thong... backwards!
DISINVITING close friends... nothing personal. I want more briskets!
I don't download as much porn anymore. DAMN YOU, FACEBOOK!
jimmy: I heard obama go shot. oh well, going back to sleep...
anh: get dressed! I'm supposed to take you out for some air today!
sister: just to get into another building?
anh: YES!
asian. girls. in. shorts. must. RESIST!
chewing rare steaks takes forever!
dinh: we do have four seasons. we just skip all the sh@#ty ones! (speaking for californians)
I'm good with kids. they love me. and I'm not just talking about high schoolers
110503
sister: I came all the way from hong kong to catch up on american pop, but instead, I get a crash course in kpop?
anh: MUAHAHAA
raffy: I saw, I conquered, I came... twice
I trust you with my sister, rich... but I can't trust you with my brother!
don: she's a nutcase! why are you still with her?!
anh: cuz the sex is sooo good!
110504
I could change my own oil, but I ain't ruining these beautiful nails!
someone hook rich up with a hot nerd! his sexuality is now in question
110506
this dude has been making a racket since 8am with his lousy chainsaw! how much effort does it really take to trim a bush?! just shave the damn thing off!
I need to see more white people! asians are all starting to look alike to me
110507
hitler insisted that I email him my essay asap. whoa...
duh boss tried to zoom in on a MAC monitor by using the reverse pinching method like you would on an iphone. really?! hence his nickname
rich is going bear hunting. anyone interested, hit him up! animal activists, ask me for his address
110508
mom: have some chicken popeye!
anh: what?
mom: chicken popeye!
anh: chicken "popeye"? omigod, there isn't even any spinach in there! you mean chicken "pot pie"!
my nephew just called me "daddy" O_o
110510
when I first met my ex's mother, I mistakened her for the maid
rich: I can't afford to get spaghetti stains on me. you won't mind if I remove my white shirt, would you?
anh: no, I'm not a breast man
like my ex, rich also drives with his top down
I wanna play "crouching monkey, hidden dragon"
rich: you wouldn't like this brie anyway... it's american
anh: I eat american!
rich: I'm talking about cheese here!
110511
thanks to carmen, I have to wake up early just to get her a LARGE lee's coffee complete with whip cream for her last day in HELL tomorrow!
rich has a giant mirror hanging on the ceiling over his bed. what is that for?
girls, don't eat a banana in front of a guy. it's such a TEASE! mmm
BIG BANG's "stupid liar" is BANGin'! haa
110512
since it's carmen's last day in hell, she doesn't have to care much. she can just spend the whole day locked in the company restroom
anh: what is it? you have a complaint about the lee's coffee I got you?
mylene: yeah, it's too small...
anh: well, you'll get a large if you leave the company!
110514
Anhjun Lozfen has changed his relationship status to "What was I thinking?!"
MAGGIE Q is in PRIEST? I prefer my mother's face over hers! that's how bad it is!
I'm at a non-alcoholic party. thanks, keira!
110515
why does holy water have to burn so much?
110517
[texting]
anh: carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?
carmen: LOL
anh: break! go out for a smoke! raffy brought some green!
carmen: Well I'm glad you kinda miss me...that or you are really bored!
anh: wait. you're not in the restroom?
carmen: You crack me up!
anh: duh boss shaved his head
carmen: Liar! I would almost come back for that!
anh: haa oh yeah! it would be a site!
anh: *website
anh: why do I have to pay for everything?
girl: I give you sex
anh: so you're a prostitute?
[texting carmen]
carmen should resign. I don't like her. oh wait. this is melle, right?
jimmy: free sh@# at starbucks!
anh: actually, crap is free anywhere
kyle: you need to lay out those pages
rich: hey! if anything needs to get laid--
anh: you bring her to me!
don: how do you say "eiffel tower" in french?
anh: [with heavy french accent] "EIFFEL... TOWER"
anh: what's sarvy's little brother's name?
don: well, her older brother's name is SOLTAN
anh: so what's her little brother's? SOLARIS?!
don: BAHAHAA that's not even a human name!
anh: haa no! it's a frakkin' car! "SOLARIS XE"!
110518
kyle: hey! I'm having the same thing as anh for lunch!
anh: is it korean bbq ribs?
rich: I dunno
anh: i like eating koreans
my attempt at keeping my friend count at 69 has failed... countless times! for every friend I delete, I gain 5 more!
she's frakkin' 15! a little young for me... I'll wait till she's 16
110519
"have you ever been in a relationship so long that you're practically begging for them to cheat?" STEVE BYRNE
rich: so, are you going to any rapture parties?
anh: wait. the end of the world is friday night, right?
rich: technically, yes
anh: I'll party saturday night then
RICH's job position: WALKER
he basically walks around in the building holding his pretentious coffee mug, trying to look busy
duh boss showed up during lunch in the breakroom to talk about work?! what an ass
now, I'm curious about BRIDESMAIDS! yes, I'm a woman
110520
watching ATHENA (spinoff from overwhelmingly successful spy thriller series IRIS) and SOO AE is kicking serious ass! this one makes NIKITA feel like a ride in the stroller! think 24 meets BOURNE
110521
don: a lot of bad movies are good
to be on the safe side, date asian girls! they seem to get younger and younger. especially the ones I date!
110522
anh: to all the single girls out there, you'll find the right one when you least expect it!
brent: in the meantime, anh's number is...
110523
I must be hungry. I'm looking for my phone while being on the phone with someone
I swear. my sisters' dad is so used to have everything done for him. it's pathetic!
dad: what's for dinner?
mom: it's on the stove
dad: where's the stove?
mom: in the kitchen!
anh: where's the kitchen?!
110524
kyle: hey! how did you know what I just said in tagalog?
rich: your language is like your women... EASY!
anh: haa really? are they?
rich: well, they seem difficult to me!
rich: look, you need to add a light blue background on this picture of duh boss
anh: how about a flaming hellish background?
anh: hey, so... can we meet after work? I have [mexican actress] barbara mori with me
don: HOLY FCUK! whether or not I can leave work at 5, I'LL DO IT!
rich: so you were late this morning?
anh: yeah, frakkin' school zone
rich: haa are you even allowed near school zones?
anh: actually, no
I dedicate this song to my musky hobo, don!
"why do flies... suddenly appear... everytime... you are near?"
don, uh, warning. if you ever run into any of my exes--it doesn't matter! they have no idea who the frak you are!
don: hey, is "concierge" french for "carnegie hall"?
anh: haa what? you are a MASTER in IDIOCY! they have a word for your kind in french... "IDIOT"!
"don, if you want me to go down on you, you'll have to shave! I'm wearing braces"
don: K.Y. jelly? what's this for?
anh: you clean your contacts with that
facebook is more addictive than porn. I may have a problem
HELL NO, I ain't adding no parents! have you seen the materials i post here?! and all those uglies?
don: hey, you keep calling me "hobo". that means "homeboy", right?
anh: riiiiight... and joy is my "fubu". which means "fun buddy"
110525
[don surfing for porn on anh's phone]
anh: [british accent] hahahaa... naugh...TEA!
[finishes his tiny serving of tea, then eats the puny cup]
I rarely add guys to my list... only the hot ones
don: hey, how's rich doing?
anh: still CHINESE!
don: you ever felt depressed even if it's nice and sunny outside?
anh: aww... really? just watch SCHINDLER'S LIST or visit the MUSEUM OF TOLERANCE. that'll cheer you up!
rich, your music is distracting! can't you play some elevator music like THE BEATLES or something?
anh: how do you eat rice everyday?
kyle: with a spoon
rich: that's strange! I can't get any 4G reception!
anh: there are no females up here. how can there be any G-spot?!
110526
[after a mishap with the hot sauce]
anh: of course, it had to squirt on me
jon: that's what she said!
MARIA TZINTZUN... the only latina I know with a virtually oriental last name! I can't even pronounce it without butchering it!
110527
LA has too many impatient drivers. they flip you off for just being in the car!
that's my boy! my talentless boy! he's last in his class! I'm proud of each and every thing he doesn't achieve! at least, he tried! he's wasting so much potential as a human being, I truly believe he should've been born an insect!
don: what does LMFAO mean?
anh: are you kidding me? do you even know what ASAP stands for?
the scotch shot I'm having is older than my girls! whaaat?
110528
headache... why is there a tiger in the bathroom?
110530
[matsu restaurant]
nephew: can I get another drink?
anh: just wait for the ice to melt
110531
emily, bring your bikini! don wants to try it on. he can make any size HIS size!
I wanna see don in a thong... backwards!
DISINVITING close friends... nothing personal. I want more briskets!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
SKITS - APRIL
110401
mom: you want some creme bruce lee?
anh: what?!
mom: CREME bruce lee?
anh: oh! "CREME BRULEE"! omigod...
110404
lesbians need not apply! i already said i was done, damnit!
STOP HANGING WITH YOUR OWN KIND! it's like having chicken everyday. ugh!
110409
thanks to jake for driving my car back although he almost DESTROYED my gearbox by redlining it! note to self: remind substitute driver to switch to automatic!
110410
khim: you're ugly, so you need to be with an ugly person like me
anh: i wanna kiss you goodnight sooo badly!
khim: i wanna kick you goodnight
110411
anh: i wanna see you eat a banana
khim: bahahaa! that's my favorite fruit!
110416
in FACEBOOK, under "report/block this person" option:
"My friend is harassing or bullying me"
BAHAHAA really?! if they're doing that, they're not your friend to begin with!\
my nephew loves me? is it cuz i'm so great with kids? oh no... don't you add a punchline here, RICH!
110417
ngoc: i just want some suggestions--
anh: about marriage?
ngoc: yes
anh: DON'T DO IT!
she takes so long to get anything done, i think i need to shave my beard again
my friend doesn't care much for breasts, but then he meets a girl with watermelons... be careful what you do NOT wish for!
done deleting a few acquaintances... now, onto family members!
HAA! only in california are men concerned about getting fat! oh, wait. that includes me
110419
don: I wish there was a "don't like" option
anh: you mean "DON LIKES" option
110430
what annoys me more than people holding chopsticks 2" from the food are people holding each stick 3" from each other! whatta frak with that?
110402
hookah di beppo! YEAH!
pooneh: what does "no" mean?
anh: "YES"!
pooneh: what does "yes" mean then?!
simone: "NOW"!
I prefer white people. asian people scare me
don, if your wife won't do it, I will! *zip
anh: haa you're so bad with internet acronyms huh? do you even know what LOL means?
don: Laugh OnLine?
don, you're like an ugly mexican woman! manda was so frakkin' hot! yet again she was mixed. but some people can be real attractive without being mixed! and I know some mixed ones who are not so attractive... (points to himself) me
before surgery (points to don)... after (points to himself)
before boxing (points to himself)... after (points to don)
don, while I have the lead role, you're my stunt double
anh: baguette (points to himself)... CHURROS! (points to don)
don: BAHAHAAA I actually like those!
110403
OUCH! hit the corner of the bed! SONUVABITCH! I should get a round one!
110404
anh: join me and my friends for dinner!
girl: how about just you and me? I'm not that social
anh: how can I trust you? I don't really know you. I'm scared
yep, people want to add me. then, delete me when they find out how controversial I am!
he's not gay! he's british!
110405
"my girlfriend didn't like eminem. I had to let her go"
110406
stop using police sirens in your music, damnit!
you cope with cigarettes, I cope with rum... RED RUM
110407
don: you're an ASS! I couldn't sleep yesterday cuz I was laughing over videos of you! oww... my stomach is still hurting!
anh: BAHAHAA yeah, there're a lot of things you enjoy that are bad... like the SPICE GIRLS
don: FCUK YOU! they're good!
ariel: what's for lunch, anh?
anh: high school girls
ariel: haa! I don't know you, anh!
rich: I'm going to a party...
anh: oh yeah?! what kind?
rich: the kind that's in my pants!
don: everyone's calling me a dork. I'm starting to like it!
anh: you should legally change your name to DORK
don: did you go back?
anh: what? to being good?
don: you can't go back to being what you never were!
anh: damn! you caught me with my pants down!
don: ...
anh: and why are you still looking?
my friends want INCHEONWON AYCE BBQ tonight, and my family wants it tomorrow?! SONUVABITCH!
110409
queen pooneh (or was it "puree"?) is so humble. she lowered herself to our peasant status and FED HERSELF last night! whaaat?
110412
what I say is 90% true... what rich says is 90% BS
mom: here, I made these springrolls for you
anh: are you kidding me?! they're huge! joy (ex) likes them this big!
a sequel... a prequel... can't equal!
110413
JEEZ! why is your phone screen so frakkin' bright? is staring at the sun for hours a hobby of yours?!
rich: so where is your sister's gonna room when she visits? does she need a place?
anh: no, she can use my bed
rich: so you're gonna sleep on the floor?
anh: I didn't say that
anh: damn, you're such a cry baby! you're worst than my girls
rich: well, your girls still drink from the bottle!
anh: wow. can carly be any prettier?
nephew: she is! she breaks my heart!
110414
ariel: rich, you don't drink?!
anh: haa no, he doesn't!
rich: no, I don't. I rather spend my money on drugs
any woman sleeping with rich becomes a born again virgin
rich is NOT cranky! that's his happy face!
an ex should remain an ex. there's a reason why it didn't work out the first time! being fubus should be alright though
kyle has a lead foot. he got caught at 71mph in a 45 zone! way to go, geek. that pile of traffic tickets is costing more than your honda fit!
rich: why can't you get to know older women for me, huh? why can't you think about me?!
anh: BAHAHAAA
"by definition: GLEE is about opening yourself up to joy"
haa really? my ex's name is EVERYWHERE!
110417
sure fire way to lose a guy... tell him you hate sex
110418
wow. I'm actually wiser than I thought! peeps like rich never give me enough credit. I gotta hangout with more dummies
oh, god... she's the president of the celibacy club. FCUK
110419
watching sports makes me flaccid... except for women's gymnastics! soo limber...
I didn't need to be shirtless for her to notice me. she likes my comments!
rich: the only time women can speak is when they're spoken to
oh, come on! don't eat the yellow snow!
chime's favorite bite... "cock sandwich" (hot dog)
I wouldn't mind having rich date my sister. she could teach virgin boy a few things about sex... european style!
yeah, I'd help you if your car breaks down. but if you're more than 15min away... good luck! gas is expensive
when rich is beyond pissed, he cries!
110420
hubbies who never go out?! tsk tsk tsk... that's when I come in
here's a tip: dress your easter eggs in camouflage paint!
GOOD LUCK, KIDS! haa
kyle: you're so white!
anh: that's cuz I'm a redhead
110421
"you're too skinny, girly! gain at least 5 lbs"
"i don't know what happened! I just lost 2!"
asian girls... go figure
every woman has a friend who hates men | evey man has a friend who uses women
anh: rich loves me
kyle: why don't you just marry him?
anh: he doesn't have the parts I want
I used to lust after my sister... until she started to lose waaay too much weight!
spencer: this is kinda violent! what is it called?
bodyguard: 'the killing war'
spencer: can we watch something else?
bodyguard: fine. put on 'full house'
spencer: how is it?
bodyguard: this is hilarious
iCARLY
my nephew is so chinky. when he smiles, his eyes disappear
110422
emily: let's go somewhere!
fannie: let's do someone!
emily: sleeping is overrated!
anh: sleeping is for losers!
fannie: hey! I like sleeping!
most girls pull hair
emily throws punches
fannie falls asleep
110423
(taking care of don's toddler)
anh: alright, aaron. here, take off your shoes. you can walk over there, but don't drink out of the toilet!
don: how come you laugh like you need to shut up?!
anh: how come you smell like you need to shower?!
anh: tomiko? I'll take ena home. you can keep my sister! haa
tomiko: haa (nods) un momento! (whips out her english translator)
oh, nonono!
tomiko "too tall"
pharmacists are the only ones who can figure out doctors' handwriting
don't make me choose between a girl and my car
110425
sokhim: (exiting hollister) that's not me. I can't wear those. I don't wanna be white washed (then enters abercrombie)
sokhim: don't come near me! I have pepper spray!
anh: I'm wearing glasses
110426
duh boss in a bad mood? when is he ever in a good mood?
I still have no use for twitter since facebook is MY twitter!
rich, that's a little too high above the neck. you're not massaging anymore. that's strangling!
emily can out-eat a big guy ANYDAY!
anh: funny how people don't trust me with their sisters
rich: I can't even trust you with your own sister!
rich seems a little tipsy. I'm beginning to think that's not really water in his mug
alex: you wanna try some thai tea?
sarvy: oh no, thanks
don: here, try some lee's coffee with a hint of vanilla
sarvy: mmm... yeah, it tastes so much better than that $#@% alex is having!
don: if you were a super hero, who would you be a better fit for?
anh: RICH!
anh: don, my mom's making your favorite asian food!
(don listens in anticipation)
anh: BURGERS!
when a pretty woman gets angry, I'm even more turned on!
don has horse teeth. he can possibly open a can of beans with those!
110427
matinee movie ticket: $10.00
medium soft drink: $12.00 (wait. whaaat?)
making out in the back of the theater next to a family of 5: PRICELESS
maria: too HOT!
anh: I know he's the company eye candy and all, but please, stop gawking at rich!
joanna: wow! nice! is that a phone?
anh: no, it's a small screen TV
sister: asian butts are not made for thongs
(to my mom about my sister)
she likes meat balls! give her two
110428
they drive at barely 30mph and brake every 10ft... stick to go-karts, dude!
filipinos must have night vision. they never turn the light on!
guys pick on girls they like. that means every single one of my guy friends have a crush on my sister... including ME!
anh: whatchu doing up here? getting the floor ready for a party?
raffy: yeah, BYOB!
anh: what is that? "bring your own bitch"?
raffy: yeah!
anh: so I can bring RICH!
110429
whatta frak?! really? just stepped on gum on a hot day! really?! I rather step on poop!
110430
tram: so how's your brother's girlfriend?
bao: oh good!
anh: still korean?
anh: chicken or beef?
bao: yes!
bao: hey, I was worried. you haven't posted anything for the last 8 hours!
anh: boob, I was sleeping
haa they're playing TUPAC with explicit lyrics in a family place like VOLCANO milk teas! you gotta love asian hangouts that don't obey any rules!
sister: (being out of touch with american pop) so, is he still making songs? that rapper... uh... KENYA--
anh: WEST, africa?
you mean I can sink my TWITTER updates with FACEBOOK?! MUAHAHAA the damage I can do!
(working on a DVD cover in photoshop)
anh: whatta pho? do you see this? why is this layer doubling when I try to move it?
christine: did you spike your orange juice?
"you ever dated somebody so long, you hope they cheat on you?" STEVE BYRNE (standup comic)
I can't eat while watching standup comics. i risk spitting food out every time!
"sleep is what I think about when I wake up" STEVE BYRNE
110431
people think I'm drunk before I even drink
mom: you want some creme bruce lee?
anh: what?!
mom: CREME bruce lee?
anh: oh! "CREME BRULEE"! omigod...
110404
lesbians need not apply! i already said i was done, damnit!
STOP HANGING WITH YOUR OWN KIND! it's like having chicken everyday. ugh!
110409
thanks to jake for driving my car back although he almost DESTROYED my gearbox by redlining it! note to self: remind substitute driver to switch to automatic!
110410
khim: you're ugly, so you need to be with an ugly person like me
anh: i wanna kiss you goodnight sooo badly!
khim: i wanna kick you goodnight
110411
anh: i wanna see you eat a banana
khim: bahahaa! that's my favorite fruit!
110416
in FACEBOOK, under "report/block this person" option:
"My friend is harassing or bullying me"
BAHAHAA really?! if they're doing that, they're not your friend to begin with!\
my nephew loves me? is it cuz i'm so great with kids? oh no... don't you add a punchline here, RICH!
110417
ngoc: i just want some suggestions--
anh: about marriage?
ngoc: yes
anh: DON'T DO IT!
she takes so long to get anything done, i think i need to shave my beard again
my friend doesn't care much for breasts, but then he meets a girl with watermelons... be careful what you do NOT wish for!
done deleting a few acquaintances... now, onto family members!
HAA! only in california are men concerned about getting fat! oh, wait. that includes me
110419
don: I wish there was a "don't like" option
anh: you mean "DON LIKES" option
110430
what annoys me more than people holding chopsticks 2" from the food are people holding each stick 3" from each other! whatta frak with that?
110402
hookah di beppo! YEAH!
pooneh: what does "no" mean?
anh: "YES"!
pooneh: what does "yes" mean then?!
simone: "NOW"!
I prefer white people. asian people scare me
don, if your wife won't do it, I will! *zip
anh: haa you're so bad with internet acronyms huh? do you even know what LOL means?
don: Laugh OnLine?
don, you're like an ugly mexican woman! manda was so frakkin' hot! yet again she was mixed. but some people can be real attractive without being mixed! and I know some mixed ones who are not so attractive... (points to himself) me
before surgery (points to don)... after (points to himself)
before boxing (points to himself)... after (points to don)
don, while I have the lead role, you're my stunt double
anh: baguette (points to himself)... CHURROS! (points to don)
don: BAHAHAAA I actually like those!
110403
OUCH! hit the corner of the bed! SONUVABITCH! I should get a round one!
110404
anh: join me and my friends for dinner!
girl: how about just you and me? I'm not that social
anh: how can I trust you? I don't really know you. I'm scared
yep, people want to add me. then, delete me when they find out how controversial I am!
he's not gay! he's british!
110405
"my girlfriend didn't like eminem. I had to let her go"
110406
stop using police sirens in your music, damnit!
you cope with cigarettes, I cope with rum... RED RUM
110407
don: you're an ASS! I couldn't sleep yesterday cuz I was laughing over videos of you! oww... my stomach is still hurting!
anh: BAHAHAA yeah, there're a lot of things you enjoy that are bad... like the SPICE GIRLS
don: FCUK YOU! they're good!
ariel: what's for lunch, anh?
anh: high school girls
ariel: haa! I don't know you, anh!
rich: I'm going to a party...
anh: oh yeah?! what kind?
rich: the kind that's in my pants!
don: everyone's calling me a dork. I'm starting to like it!
anh: you should legally change your name to DORK
don: did you go back?
anh: what? to being good?
don: you can't go back to being what you never were!
anh: damn! you caught me with my pants down!
don: ...
anh: and why are you still looking?
my friends want INCHEONWON AYCE BBQ tonight, and my family wants it tomorrow?! SONUVABITCH!
110409
queen pooneh (or was it "puree"?) is so humble. she lowered herself to our peasant status and FED HERSELF last night! whaaat?
110412
what I say is 90% true... what rich says is 90% BS
mom: here, I made these springrolls for you
anh: are you kidding me?! they're huge! joy (ex) likes them this big!
a sequel... a prequel... can't equal!
110413
JEEZ! why is your phone screen so frakkin' bright? is staring at the sun for hours a hobby of yours?!
rich: so where is your sister's gonna room when she visits? does she need a place?
anh: no, she can use my bed
rich: so you're gonna sleep on the floor?
anh: I didn't say that
anh: damn, you're such a cry baby! you're worst than my girls
rich: well, your girls still drink from the bottle!
anh: wow. can carly be any prettier?
nephew: she is! she breaks my heart!
110414
ariel: rich, you don't drink?!
anh: haa no, he doesn't!
rich: no, I don't. I rather spend my money on drugs
any woman sleeping with rich becomes a born again virgin
rich is NOT cranky! that's his happy face!
an ex should remain an ex. there's a reason why it didn't work out the first time! being fubus should be alright though
kyle has a lead foot. he got caught at 71mph in a 45 zone! way to go, geek. that pile of traffic tickets is costing more than your honda fit!
rich: why can't you get to know older women for me, huh? why can't you think about me?!
anh: BAHAHAAA
"by definition: GLEE is about opening yourself up to joy"
haa really? my ex's name is EVERYWHERE!
110417
sure fire way to lose a guy... tell him you hate sex
110418
wow. I'm actually wiser than I thought! peeps like rich never give me enough credit. I gotta hangout with more dummies
oh, god... she's the president of the celibacy club. FCUK
110419
watching sports makes me flaccid... except for women's gymnastics! soo limber...
I didn't need to be shirtless for her to notice me. she likes my comments!
rich: the only time women can speak is when they're spoken to
oh, come on! don't eat the yellow snow!
chime's favorite bite... "cock sandwich" (hot dog)
I wouldn't mind having rich date my sister. she could teach virgin boy a few things about sex... european style!
yeah, I'd help you if your car breaks down. but if you're more than 15min away... good luck! gas is expensive
when rich is beyond pissed, he cries!
110420
hubbies who never go out?! tsk tsk tsk... that's when I come in
here's a tip: dress your easter eggs in camouflage paint!
GOOD LUCK, KIDS! haa
kyle: you're so white!
anh: that's cuz I'm a redhead
110421
"you're too skinny, girly! gain at least 5 lbs"
"i don't know what happened! I just lost 2!"
asian girls... go figure
every woman has a friend who hates men | evey man has a friend who uses women
anh: rich loves me
kyle: why don't you just marry him?
anh: he doesn't have the parts I want
I used to lust after my sister... until she started to lose waaay too much weight!
spencer: this is kinda violent! what is it called?
bodyguard: 'the killing war'
spencer: can we watch something else?
bodyguard: fine. put on 'full house'
spencer: how is it?
bodyguard: this is hilarious
iCARLY
my nephew is so chinky. when he smiles, his eyes disappear
110422
emily: let's go somewhere!
fannie: let's do someone!
emily: sleeping is overrated!
anh: sleeping is for losers!
fannie: hey! I like sleeping!
most girls pull hair
emily throws punches
fannie falls asleep
110423
(taking care of don's toddler)
anh: alright, aaron. here, take off your shoes. you can walk over there, but don't drink out of the toilet!
don: how come you laugh like you need to shut up?!
anh: how come you smell like you need to shower?!
anh: tomiko? I'll take ena home. you can keep my sister! haa
tomiko: haa (nods) un momento! (whips out her english translator)
oh, nonono!
tomiko "too tall"
pharmacists are the only ones who can figure out doctors' handwriting
don't make me choose between a girl and my car
110425
sokhim: (exiting hollister) that's not me. I can't wear those. I don't wanna be white washed (then enters abercrombie)
sokhim: don't come near me! I have pepper spray!
anh: I'm wearing glasses
110426
duh boss in a bad mood? when is he ever in a good mood?
I still have no use for twitter since facebook is MY twitter!
rich, that's a little too high above the neck. you're not massaging anymore. that's strangling!
emily can out-eat a big guy ANYDAY!
anh: funny how people don't trust me with their sisters
rich: I can't even trust you with your own sister!
rich seems a little tipsy. I'm beginning to think that's not really water in his mug
alex: you wanna try some thai tea?
sarvy: oh no, thanks
don: here, try some lee's coffee with a hint of vanilla
sarvy: mmm... yeah, it tastes so much better than that $#@% alex is having!
don: if you were a super hero, who would you be a better fit for?
anh: RICH!
anh: don, my mom's making your favorite asian food!
(don listens in anticipation)
anh: BURGERS!
when a pretty woman gets angry, I'm even more turned on!
don has horse teeth. he can possibly open a can of beans with those!
110427
matinee movie ticket: $10.00
medium soft drink: $12.00 (wait. whaaat?)
making out in the back of the theater next to a family of 5: PRICELESS
maria: too HOT!
anh: I know he's the company eye candy and all, but please, stop gawking at rich!
joanna: wow! nice! is that a phone?
anh: no, it's a small screen TV
sister: asian butts are not made for thongs
(to my mom about my sister)
she likes meat balls! give her two
110428
they drive at barely 30mph and brake every 10ft... stick to go-karts, dude!
filipinos must have night vision. they never turn the light on!
guys pick on girls they like. that means every single one of my guy friends have a crush on my sister... including ME!
anh: whatchu doing up here? getting the floor ready for a party?
raffy: yeah, BYOB!
anh: what is that? "bring your own bitch"?
raffy: yeah!
anh: so I can bring RICH!
110429
whatta frak?! really? just stepped on gum on a hot day! really?! I rather step on poop!
110430
tram: so how's your brother's girlfriend?
bao: oh good!
anh: still korean?
anh: chicken or beef?
bao: yes!
bao: hey, I was worried. you haven't posted anything for the last 8 hours!
anh: boob, I was sleeping
haa they're playing TUPAC with explicit lyrics in a family place like VOLCANO milk teas! you gotta love asian hangouts that don't obey any rules!
sister: (being out of touch with american pop) so, is he still making songs? that rapper... uh... KENYA--
anh: WEST, africa?
you mean I can sink my TWITTER updates with FACEBOOK?! MUAHAHAA the damage I can do!
(working on a DVD cover in photoshop)
anh: whatta pho? do you see this? why is this layer doubling when I try to move it?
christine: did you spike your orange juice?
"you ever dated somebody so long, you hope they cheat on you?" STEVE BYRNE (standup comic)
I can't eat while watching standup comics. i risk spitting food out every time!
"sleep is what I think about when I wake up" STEVE BYRNE
110431
people think I'm drunk before I even drink
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