SKITS - NOVEMBER

101102
Rich loves to boss us around at work. He's like... General Ass! Major Pain! Captain... Crunch!

101103
Rich: what do you call people from new york?
Jong: new yorkers!
Rich: what about boston?
Rose: bostonians!
Rich: L.A.?
Anh: Los Assholes

101104
Anh: lang is perfect for you! She loves disneyland and plays "starcraft"!
Rich: nahh NAHHH! I don't wanna hear it!
Anh: she IS!! She's soo... YOUR WIFE! Lang, would you marry him?
Lang: hmm... Yeah, whatta hell, why not?
Anh: see, rich?! She doesn't need to find mr. right when she HAS mr. perfect!

Ena (10yr old): can I have that?
Anh: but you already have one like it!
Ena: but I want that one!
Anh: I just opened this one for you!
Ena: can I have that one instead?
Anh: what ena wants, ena shall have! ...TWO BEERS!
Raffy: (yelling at the kid) hey! Those are mine, fucker!!

Anh: Your best friend can become your worst enemy... With friends like joy, who wants to live?
David: I'm dying

101107
Jessica nguyen: oh who are you interested in? Show me her picture!
(links her to facebook profile)
Jess: oh she has boobs!
Anh: I'm not after those! I was taken by her smile! The boobs are bonuses =)

101110
Carmen: I am soo stressed out! The boss wants the whole catalog sized down last minute!
Rich: alright, I was sent up here! How can I help?
Anh: change the boss

101111
Don has horse teeth. In order to put him down, you need to use a horse tranquilizer

101116
Don: I could get into bartending
Anh: but you don't even drink! You get drunk off of one bottle! What if your customers want you to take shots with 'em?
Don: I'd be fucked

Some girls look good with their glasses on. Others look good with my glasses off

Cyrus: I requested this one guy to add me on facebook. he hasn't responded for two days so I removed my request! FUCK HIM if he doesn't wanna add me! He can rub his DICK on my BACK!

101123
Olivia Oblitas: I love asian culture!
Anh: really, that much?
Olivia: oh anh, I'm more open minded than you!
Anh: so would you date an asian guy?
Olivia: no

The rain would give you a free wash, but it won't clean the interior for you... unless it's a convertible!

Don is my best friend, but Rich is my best man. At least, he won't forget the ring!

what's with all these people getting cold? I still walk around topless at home! Even my gay co worker walks around bottomless at his place!

Hey! He looks like bryan from behind! And Rich looks like an ASS from behind!

Anh: you better show up to jong's birthday cuz he's not forgiving! He CAN deport you back to japan. Jong will remember this... Oh yeah!
Don: but I'm not even japanese!
Anh: And if he forgets, rich will remind him!

Facebook status: "you were meant for me, so I'll be there for you"
Jessica nguyen: that's what the peanut butter said to the strawberry jelly

Facebook status: Frakkin' freeway debris... I should laminate my car!

Raffy: (2 hours late to jong's birthday) what time did you get here?
anh: on time
raffy: really?
anh: yeah, I'm not filipino

101128
Opening. Pickle jar. With wet hands! Aaaaargh!

When two galpals become each other's worst enemies, I'm gonna be fair and side with the hot one

Thanksgiving weekend seems like the perfect for some to delete "friends" they're not thankful for... Muahahaa!

Women would give up their best friend for a man... Men would give up their women for food

My dog escaped when this wind busted the side gate open! Useless pet. some vietnamese family will be eating well tonight!

101129
After pregnancy, most women let their body go. After his wife's pregnancy, don let his body go to hell

101130
Certain people should be cloned... and shared! ...katy perry!

101105
FACEBOOK STATUS: if i'm not responding to your status, DROID WILL! haa! this is worst than cocaine

Krystle: all you can eat korean bbq $20, waffle sundae for desert $6, ice cold korean milk tea $5...the look on my cousin's face as she goes into food coma-PRICELESS!

101106
FACEBOOK STATUS: Some skinny girls actually have pretty nice curves
Jessica Le: OMG, WHAT CURVES??
Anhjun Lozfen: lemme get you naked first. i'll show you where

FACEBOOK STATUS: anything you can do, DROID can do better
comment: i can drive my car remotely with it, bitch! haa

"my friendship with you is like a condom... i'll always be there for you when things get hard"

101108
FACEBOOK STATUS: just when i thought i was done with filipinas, they pull me back in!

101109
FACEBOOK STATUS: i have to kiss a lot of frogs, but i don't want a princess!

Anh: i'm still trying to figure out what to do with krystle's boyfriend. i need an accomplice!
Jessica Nguyen: i'll help you out!
Anh: perfect, jess! i'll pay you in briskets!

101112
(Watching 2NE1's "go away" music video)
little nephew: CL is a bad driver
Anh: most girls are

Krystle Gayle: i had late class today, no work unfortunately dang i like totally offered myself to them and yet no ring?! whatever hehe
Anh: if you offered yourself to the right person, you'll get a ring =)

101114
guy friend: i'm having a hooka party at my place today! wanna come?
livvy: sure, i'd love to smoke some of that!
(she arrives to his place)
livvy: i know i'm kinda late, but where's everybody?
guy friend: I AM THE HOOOOKAAA!

101117
FACEBOOK STATUS: co-workers think I play my music too loudly. They should listen to kyle blast his. The dude is already deaf on one side. Carmen's gonna get a migraine!
Carmen Alabran: What do you mean gonna?
Anhjun Lozfen: What was that? I can't hear you!
Carmen Alabran: LOL
Anhjun Lozfen: Wait til he blasts "i just wanna f@#%ing dance!"

Krystle Gayle: this photo was compliments of ahn...hehe thanks you really capture my natural, enigmatic, B.E.A.U.T.Y.
Anhjun Lozfen: It's ANH, crystal! typical filipino mistake though. You're not beautiful... You're G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S.

FACEBOOK STATUS: Don't you hate it when you check on a comment and all they have to say is "haa"?
Olivia Le: and you ended up responding to my photo saying "haa" -_- wth
Anhjun Lozfen: K
Raymond Derrick: Ha!
Olivia Le: wow
Kristian Dimal: LOL
Crystal Mira: hee :]

101118
FACEBOOK STATUS: F@#$ BEER PONG! i'm doin' shot pong with marbles! who's with me?!

101120
FACEBOOK STATUS: "would you have dinner with me?"... "why would I look at your face while I'm eating?"

101126
FACEBOOK STATUS: I only like flakes in my cereals

101127
FACEBOOK STATUS: When life gives you lemons, chew 'em up; spit 'em back; and aim for the eyes!
FACEBOOK STATUS: "i get scared when rich people ask me for help"

101128
rich: you'll never survive on "LOST"
anh: i got lost watching that

FB STATUS: "it's complicated" BLAH BLAH BLAH... LOOK, if it ain't working out, just END IT!

FB STATUS: damn heater melted my chocolate bar! i'm a turn it OFF! who needs that in the smack of winter anyway!

Anh: so what time's the party?
Jon: well, it's from 3pm til... the police shows up?

Anh: shot a few hundred photos of livvy at bolsa chica near the beach
for her lookbook
Jess: you did a nice job
Anh: hehe thanks! could've had more skin though.
my other galpal will model in a bikini! she's more PG
Jess: goodness! lemme tell you now... you'd be lucky to see my arms! hahaa!
Anh: haa stoopid! you're BELOW G-rated, miss turtleneck!

damn heater melted my chocolate bar! i'm a turn it OFF! who needs that in the smack of winter anyway!

jeez! it's 1:15am?! it's about time i get some... gaming on the XBOX!

101129
After pregnancy, most women let their body go. After his wife's pregnancy, don let his body go to hell

heineken is a fob's favorite drink

can you PLEASE use more than two fingers when replying on chat?! FRAK!

101130
I have to give thanks to friends, acquaintances, frienemies, and friends-who-just-turned-back-into-strangers for going out of their way to see me... No thanks to you sister tram for working in hong kong! BLEH >(

SKITS - OCTOBER

101005
Anh: I'm a cut it down to just 20 hours of facebook/day! Jeez!
Carmen: yeah right!
Anh: fine then... 2NE1~! Hahaa

Justine: I like it on the desk at work
Anh: I like it under the desk while the boss is talking to me

101014
ANH'S FACEBOOK STATUS:
And no, it's NOT a choice. gays are people too! I'm right behind you, ray! Wait, that came out wrong O_o

101015
Anh: i can't waste my efforts on overly dramatic people
Olivia: yeah, drama can suck my dick!
Anh: wait. you have one of those?
Olivia: hahaa no, silly! i have a strapon =)

Allen: we could fit like 12 people in an acura!
Rich: really? How?
Allen: we had like 3 in front, 7 in the back, and 2 in the trunk
Rich: in the trunk?!
Anh: that's kinda claustrophobic, isn't it?
Rich: yeah!
Anh: oh hell! You can fit me in the trunk with an import model! "i swear that wasn't me! My hands are in my pocket!"

101016
(jon reaches down and cups anh's scrotums)
Anh: whatta fuck, man!
Jon: male bonding, fool!

101019
Rich: people think you're gay!
Anh: so it works to my advantage, doesn't it? You can trust me with your sister, right?
Rich: haa I don't even trust you with your own sister! Well it beats being labeled as harmless!
Anh: yea rich is harmless. He has no sex drive! Haa
Rich: screw you!
Anh: so you're gonna screw me just to prove a point?

101021
Rich: you never follow the rules!
Anh: nahh... If I did, I wouldn't be able to date under 18

Anh: Don't worry about paying me back for that jacket. It's your christmas gift. You're my bitch now!
Jon: ayt! what's do you want for christmas?
Anh: sex with my ex, joy, anytime I want?
Jon: okay... That's gonna be a little hard to do

Jon: rich wants shaved ice, but he doesn't want it shaved!

101022
Carmen: hangover? Drink tomato juice
Anh: just lacked sleep and slept late. don't believe everything rich says. He's only 10% true
Carmen: bryan told me that!
Anh: bryan's only 90% true

Olivia Le: I thought I was talking to you on the phone!
Anh: oh really? You didn't know it was jon?
Olivia Le: no, he sounds like you, but more feminine

101026
Rich: Someone at my house stole the lunch I prepared from the fridge last night!
Anh: so jacked up!
Rich: don't worry... (pounds his fists together) I'll find out who it is... And the next time they eat a sandwich is through a STRAW!

Cashier: sir, would you like to donate to the breast cancer foundation?
Rich: sure! I love breasts!

Jennifer: carving a pumpkin hurts!
Anh: they don't feel pain

Sky diving? Are you nuts?! I won't even trust myself in packing the chute--Why would I trust someone else?

101027
Raffy: that's a cool case for your phone
Anh: yeah huh? With this, the phone stays put on the table. It doesn't slide! I don't like the hard cases. I like rubber, but I hardly use it!
Lilet: omigod...

101028
Bolivia: Anh, do you like olivia?
Anh: hmm... i like MANY girls
Bolivia: i knew it. you're a manwhore!
Anh: but i don't sleep around!
Bolivia: that's what they all say!

Yael: It's 1:48pm. A helicopter just flew over and I feel the wind. The water is running and the fan is blowing.
Anh: It's 1:49pm. The food truck has just rolled by and I can smell that. The music is pumpin' and the female intern under my desk is *ahem

Anh: do you have a plastic bag I can use?
Rich: here! I found one
Anh: does this one have a hole?
Rich: isn't that what you ask all your girls?

SKITS - SEPTEMBER

100901
Anh: I miss the uglies. Why don't you line 'em up in terms of who's the ugliest for me. Starting with your wife

Anh: so I'll stop by your place 9ish tonight?
Don: uh ok
Anh: wanna grab some boba?
Don: uh no it'll be too late. I'm just being realistic
Anh: how about you be fantastic and say yes?
Don: haa seriously?!
Anh: yea they don't just call me mr fantastic 'cuz of my gray hair
Don: hahaa!
Anh: I'm actually fantastic!

(Rich plays chinese soft song with his phone)
Anh: whenever I'm around rich, it feels as though I'm in a chinese restaurant... and he's the manager!

100902
Don: so rich... Do you think I'm smart?
Rich: uh... Smarter than a caveman?

(Bryan working on anh's desktop)
Bryan: oh you don't have a mouse!
Rich: anh doesn't want anything related to disney so he got rid of his mouse

Anh: why do you get everything?
Rich: what can I say? I'm rich

Don: which month were you born in
Rich: meh!

100907
Anh: how old is your exchange student?
Rich: 17
Anh: why don't you date her?
Rich: no thank you
Anh: what's wrong with that?
Rich: whatever, dirty old man!
Anh: what d' you say, you... ASS?!
Rich: dirty old man!
Anh: who looks like one?!

Bryan: rich, why don't eat this whole fruit tart?
Rich: uuh I don't think so
Anh: naah he can't do it
Rich: well that's more motivation for me to do it!
Bryan: I bet you can't kiss jong!

Anh: eh, hobo!
Don: so am I a clown or a hobo?
Anh: you're a hobo clown!

Lang: more sangria please!
Anh: whoa she's already on her 2nd glass!
Lang: yea! I'm drinking for two!
Anh: are you pregnant?!
Rich: hahaa!
Anh: are you guys more than friends?!

100914
Don: yeah i checked out the collectible action figures link you sent me
Anh: so are you getting the "bruce lee as superman" edition?
Don: whatta fuck?! How does that work?

Anh: how about the "bruce lee/chuck norris" special edition in which bruce s head is on chuck s body?
Don: you are soo fucking w me... HELL YEAH!

Facebook status:
now how the frak did my list of friends jump up to 135~?! Delete, delete... I need to take it back down to magic number 69! ...FRAK! I can't delete family members!

100916
Rich: I need to know what all of you guys are doing. I need to be on top of things!
Anh: as opposed to being on top of a woman?
Kyle: hahaa
Anh: nevermind. She'd suffocate under you. You'd crush her

Anh: older women are not as fun to club with as I remembered
Rich: who was older?
Anh: that birthday girl khoa introduced us to was turning 21

100919
New couples sit side by side at a restaurant. Newlyweds sit face to face. And when a couple is fuckin' sick of each other, they sit at different tables

100921
Rich: you know why women like taller men?
Anh: shade?

Rich can't roll his R's so he took french instead of spanish

100922
(facebook status)
Sanjo: digging for change to get a begal
(comment)
Anh: spell check! You meant beagle right?

100923
Rich: kyle, why aren't you and carmen talking to each other?
Anh: they do when they argue
Kyle: haa
Anh: you just can't have two divas in one room, rich
Kyle: I'm not a diva!
Anh: I meant "divo"

Ariel: what's the new car washer's name?
Anh: sam
Ariel: so what happened to the previous one?
Anh: oh val? He'll be back! I can always take my exes back
Mylene: how much is it?
Anh: oh sex is free

Rich: how about some music guys?
Anh: sorry rich, but we don't play american mainstream up here! Just Russian pop opera
Kyle: hey anh! Play opera #2 from vitas!
Rich: no play #4!
Kyle: hahaa there's no such thing!
Anh: he doesn't have that! Only 1 and 2!
Rich: I don't care! Make it work! Make it happen!
Anh: fine, I'll play it twice!
Kyle: hahaa

100927
Rich: Cold like joy
Anh: no she's not always cold. Not when she gets things her way
Don: well, with you she never did!
(mimicks joy) "come on, honchan! Let's go to magic mountain!"
Anh: "no, joy! I'm afraid of... magic!"

100929
(at a restaurant that serves spanish delicacies, the waiter sets the dish of bull's testicles down)
Don: uh.. why are they so small today?
Waiter: sometimes... the bull wins

100930
Anh: women lose their virginity when they sleep with me. However with rich, since he's so holy, they gain it back?! Prostitutes go to him to redeem themselves!

Anh's facebook status:
Tried a korean bbq buffet tonight... Like all of my exes, what a mistake! And I actually DEEPLY regret this one! It made me feel dirty for cheating on INCHEONWON!

SKITS - AUGUST

100802
Rich is the most interesting man in the world. Sharks have a week dedicated to him

100806
D: claire just got accepted into a school for gifted kids and fujie is jumping for joy!
A: well those schools are quite expensive. Are YOU jumping for joy, don?
D: no

100811
D: ann is kinda like noreen. shes so calm and laid back. It's like shes smoked marijuana
A: yea but ann is more lively. noreen looks like she gets a higher dosage

100812
Bryan: I feel sorry for anh s new gf. He doesn't like to do anything involving him sweating
Rich: what makes you say he actually had one? He hasn't even decided yet
Kyle: are you hoping he'd change his mind rich?
Rich: no 'cuz I'm saving more money now!

A: of course I can't show up for noreens bday dinner tomorrow. I have a non date tonight!
Bryan: does that mean you get all the benefits without shelling out for dinner?
A: haa nothing is really free! No wait. We get free douche treatment from rich!
Bryan: maybe you do but he charges me for mine. He's keeps asking me for a brownie!
A: show him what's floating in the toilet

100817
(Jong using vectors in photoshop)
Rich: oh I can teach u how to use the pen tool!
Jong: really?
Rich: yea but I never done it b4
Anh: Hahaa! That's Rich! He'll teach u how to make love to a woman but he's never done it b4!

100818
Rich: does your carpet match your drapes?
Jong: I don't know. I have hard wood

100819
Anh: haa this friend of mine sold his canon rebel xsi 450D for a nikon D90!
Rich: yea I know. A "neeh kon"
Anh: what?
Rich: a "neeeeh kon"
Anh: huh?
Rich: "uuu CUNT"!
Kyle: he's just bitter

100825
Rich: sharing is caring
Anh: what? "sharon is karen"? I thought they were one person!

100827
(on their way to meet up w lang)
Lang: *texting* im gonna take a quick shower
Rich: anh, text lang n tell her to leave her front door open
Anh: alright... *texting* leave the front door open for rich... And the bathroom door open for anh!

SKITS - JULY

100701
(4th o July lunch)
bryan. Wher ru sittin Anh?
A. S ok boob. I can sit nex to Mylene. She's not smoking right now

Rich. This is da only song I kno bout long beach
Bryan. No! think bout how many songs wher snoop dogg mentions it!
A. Yea he's from long beach! Its hard to find rap songs bout huntington beach.

100709
D. Felix told me dat u askd him fo a condom
A. no actually. He gav me a pak o condoms cuz he didn't need it! They were cheap too!
Rich. Haa condoms r not things u shood go cheap on!
A. Yea he's like rich. He bought m in bulk o sumthin!
Rich. He shood get da family pak
D. Haa dat sounds so wrong!

100714
A. Its thao s bday n she jus brok up w Jake. mayb I shood get her dat one book "he's jus not dat into u"

100716
Whn alex was born. veloceraptors were still on da chinese zodiac

100717
Cassie. David loox familiar
A. Yea all Asians look alike
Cassie. Haa no!
A. Ask him "do u work at Incheonwon?"

100718
Julie. My family is da best!
A. Naaah... I d tak my iphone any day

100720
Rich. Hey Ariel! I'm xpectin a package today
Ariel. Oh really?
Anh. Yea.. Mail order bride...
Ariel. Haa!
Anh. ...from china!
Rich. real funny, douche!

I had a good coNversatIon with Olivia. She sounded pretty smart.. Fo a woman!

100722
(working)
Rich. hey guys! who can help me fluff thiz fairiz?
A. I hav to look fo jobs online boob!

Rich. Guess wat I hav in my lunchbag!
A. My Mondays n Fridays?

100727
A. wats w Filipinos n keepin everythin open?
Rich. I dunno. ru sure joy wasn't Filipino?

A. Wow don.. rich hates u now huh? U v bn blaklistd!
D. Yea..
A. dats a major penalty.. Well. Look at it this way.. U were LOVED.. once

A. Hey rich! Can u plz take a picture of me n don?
Rich. I can't. I don't shoot ugly
A. Thn jus shoot him!

100728
Ariel. (w a heavy Filipino accent) Carmen. U hav 15min! Y ru leavin so early?
Carmen. Ariel. U speak English?!
Ariel. Hey! Dats not nice

--------

100731
FACEBOOK CHAT:

Me

DROID BITCH!
2:06pm
Rich

joy ex
2:06pm
Me

hahaa! your type of phone!
2:06pm
Rich

oops, i mean droid x

hey, they're both easy to use
2:07pm
Me

the JOY-EX is quite satisfying
2:07pm
Rich

and expensive to have
2:07pm
Me

oh yea

but i think droid x is much cheaper
2:07pm
Rich

well atleast more useful
2:07pm
Me

true

got me there
2:09pm
Rich

well what droid x does...... i can think of 3 things it can't do that joy ex can

--------

A. i'm a joker!
Lang. yeah, and rich is a joke

Ann. i can't copy & paste phone numbers from my texts on my cell
ANH. oh really? my DROID does!
Lang. yeah! mine too!
ANH. oh so your phone can't put your car on autopilot either?
Ann. no...
ANH. my DROID does!
(Anh & Lang in unison) HAHAHAA!
(as Anh drops them off to their cars, Ann starts her engine remotely via her car key)
ANH. whatta fuck?! my DROID can't do that!
Lang. mine neither =(
Ann. HAHAHAA!

Be with You

this japanese film is one of the sweetest most touching story i've seen. this is how love stories should be told. you may recognize Shido Nakamura from jet li's "fearless" where he played his fighting rival. this film is a bona fide gem!

SKITS - JUNE

100610
Rich. U shoot blanx anh?
A. Ha.. Ha.. Ha.. How longs ur penis rich?
Rich. 3 inches.. Off da ground! Hahaa
A. I wouldn't brag about having a long penis
Rich. Haa why?
A. So u can perform auto-fellatio?
Rich. Dats jus nasty!
Jong. O yes it is! (with a big smile on his face)

100612
(in anhs car)
Ena. Do u hav jay sean?
A. from da few American albums I hav, dat I actually do!
Ena. Wat bout Michael Jackson?
A. Uhhh..
D. Anh stopped listenin to him whn--
A. I found out don liked him

A. A wise prophet once said "its alright to share ur bed w children"
D. Aaah.. M.J. right?
A. Yes.. Muhammed Jahid!

100615
Joy n I got a free room at Caesars palace from her cousin. 2 large beds but we didn't evn use m fo dat! Wat a waste! She was mad at me. I dunno wat was up her ass but it wasn't mine

Rich. Was ther an earthquak yesterday Anh?
A. Yea u didn't feel it?
Rich. No I was bz w joy
A. No wonder.. There was enuf shakin there

Rich. Gonna write Bryan a fake parkin ticket. How do u spell "mitsubishi"
Carmen. r u serious?
A. ur fuckin kiddin right?
Rich. Okaaay.. Wat bout "lancer"?
A. Omigod.. U r a true vietnamiz honda driver!

100616
Mark. So how much mor recordin do we need?
Rich. O mayb 3 seconds. I jus need to squeez in mor meat

Don.. Tell ur mama.. Tambien!

D. so wats da difference between these two red sauces?
Rich. This is Ketchup n this is.. Catchup

100618
Rich. I'm goin to Texas Tuesday
Fujie. Really? Why?
Rich. Fo da show. I get everything wholesale
Anh. Dat includes da prostitutes

100621
Steven Hawkins. So nextime sumone tells u dat u made a mistake. Tell them "its a good thing cuz without dat. there woodnt be neitha u nor me.."
Rich. Dats LAME!
Steven Hawkins. There's no such thing as perfectx
Rich (Mr Perfec). BULLSHIT!

100623
(splinter cell co-op stealth mission)
A. U took out da guy who was clearly talkin to da otha guard!
D. Oops.. Shouldn't I hav done dat?
A. U gav away our fuckin position!

A. Turnbull Canyon has a legend behind it--
D. Uhh.. I don't think I could make it to ur filming there!
A. Dat daznt mean dat anyone who shows up ther gets cursed! Aren't u already cursed workin w Alex everyday? The abominabl dumbman. He's supposed to b a myth but he's real!

A. Alright don. Nice talkin to u but I gotta jet!
D. Wow! So u take a jetplane to get hom?
A. Yea sumtimes. But if I wanna get to my destination twice as fast. I take my car

100624
Jong. Christophers supposed to call me so I can giv him a heads up but he never did
A. u shood call him up here so u could giv him a handjob--uh.. HEADjob--i meant.. HEADS UP!

Christopher. Hey que pasa bro?! Calm down w da weights! Lay off da steroids!
Jong. Wat ru talkin bout cabron?! Its all natural! (pulls his pants down) see?

(playin jenga on a wobbly table. Don decides to move da tower to da table directly nex to it)
A. Y don't u put it on da crak?
David. Dats wat she said!

100629
Rich. its past midnight. Lang has a long driv home
Lang. yea I hav work tomorro.
A. No Lang.. U can spend da night at my place n go hom at 10 tomorro night

100630
Rich. Anhs helpin me design a system logo fo "general shipping" but Ariel wants his name in it. So we ll call it "Ariel Super Shipping" o "A.S.S."
(in unison) hahaa!
Mylene. O come on! Ariel is sensitiv!
A. K then.. Wil call it "Ariel Sensitiv Shipping" but its still "A.S.S."!
(in unison) hahaa!

"HE'S BEAUTIFUL" korean dramedy series

a really cute and fun 16-episode series with great leading characters played by PARK SHINHYE and JANG GEUNSUK! shinhye portrays the klutsy "boy" member who's slowly falling for the hot-tempered band leader. she's officially my favorite actress *drool*

SKITS - MAY

100502
A. Can u teach me how to cook pho?
Mom. Y?
A. So dat I could cook sum fo my girlfren
Mom. I dunno.. Eversince I cooked fo dat bitch o yours--
A. Which one? Manda o joy?
Mom. They r all bitches to me

100503
Rich. I carry a sign dat says "u can look but u cannot touch!"
A. Fujie has da opposite written on her bag (dat covers her ugly face) "u cannot look but plz touch me!

100504
Rich. Whoa! Do u smell dat? wat is it?
A. Its axe FX. Unless u ratha smell dat *hints bout Kyle* (who jus took a dump)

100505
Rich. Wood u pole dance Anh?
A. Naah.. I don't really care fo stripclubs. They r teases. Y pay fo it whn u can get it fo free?
Rich. Haa. Like dat sayin "y pay fo da milk whn u can get da whole cow?
Carmen. Or "y go fo such a big pig fo a little sausage?

(working)
Raffy. So whn wil I get thoz small fairy shots?
Rich. Oh u ll get m from Bryan. He's bz right now
Raffy. Bz doin wat?
Rich. munchin on his nuts (planters mixd nuts)

100506
Kyle. I dunno wat ur exes look like Anh!
A. really?
Kyle. Yea u only showed me fotos of their bodiz w their heads cropped off!
A. Of course I don't wanna tarnish their image w thoz nude shots! Manda is da one w da boobs. Joys da one w da legs. N tena is da one w da ass!
Carmen. Hahaa! U remember thm by their body parts?!
Kyle. Hahaa!
Carmen. Which body part do they remember u by?
A. ...
Carmen. Haa. No comment?!

Rich. Da greatest inventx has to b da whip cream!
D. Hav u tried fujis whip cream?
A. I can whip sumthin out fo her!

D. Is prostitution not as popular as it used to b?
A. Y? Is your wife getting less work?

100512
(Kyle hiphop dances)
Rich. Do fries come w dat shake?

A. I really think u shood test driv b4 u buy, Rich. I mean.. U don't wanna find out da girl sux in bed once u marry her!
Kyle. Haa yea u do!
A. O wait.. Actually she SHOULD suk in bed! if not. Dats a deal breaker!

D. Hate is a strong word
A. Wat an I supposd to say? "I REALLY don't like her"?

100513
D. Fo da last few times I've seen rich. He's bn wearin a white t-shirt w shorts n flipflops!
A. Yea! Such a contrast from wat he wears at work huh?! He loox lazy--
D. He only loox lazy cuz he's out o shape!
A. Yea. He loox like.. likaah.. a potato!

Joy. Wher u goin?
A. I'm meetin w Tena--i meant.. Pikachina (dons 2 year old boy)!
(pikachina impatiently waits fo Anh at a starbucks. He fumes n throws himself into a fit)
Pikachina. Waah waaah waaaah!
(falls bk onto da ground while spillin his hot kofy onto his shirt! Cam cuts to don in a clown suit)
D. Did dat mak Anh get here any sooner?! Did it... ?! Nooooo

Lang. Oh there's BJ's! No wonder u mentiond it! Its close to Buca!
A. Yea well.. Rich daznt care fo BJ's
Lang. He daznt? Hahaa
A. I do Lang! I do!

if it Daznt involve Disney o a mouse. Rich daznt get excitd about much o anything. If u get a rating o "MEH!" from him. dats da equivalent of 5-stars to a regular person

D. Its such a nice day. Don't u wanna get out n njoy da sun?
A. Wat ru talkin bout? All I c is blinds!

A. come on don! Hop into da shower w me! u better surprise me w ur physique!
D. oh yes! u wil b surprised alright!

A. Rich used to OWN da dance floor! --til his bk gav out! He used to do "the robot". "the sprinkler"... Thn came da "twist"! Which was his 1st n his last

D. Lang is so calm n serene. Its like she jus exists. She's like lady Buddha!
A. Yea she's nice to hav around fo meditatx

100518
Rich. I really lak sleep. I hav raccoon eyes
A. Masturbate at da mos 3x. Thn u can really get sum sleep! Don't over exert urself tho or u ll go blind! U r ambidextrous anyway so u can get it done in half da time.

100519
(over da fone)
A. Uh Bryan?
B. Yea?
A. Where s ur "for bryan" folder?
B. Oh its there
A. No it isn't.
B. Watta hell?
A. Did sumone eat it?
B. I don't kno!
A. Did u hav anythin in there?
B. I had important things in ther! Where's Kyle?

100519
Rich. Anh can u help me?
A. Wat is it boob?
Rich. I need u to research which camcorders r compatibl w adobe premiere
A. How can I research m whn I'm blockd from every site I need to go to?
Rich. Look.. I don't want any excuses. I want results. Get it done!

(reading sum blonde jokes)
Carmen. "y were 2 blondes found frozn to death at da drive-in theater?"
Rich. Dunno. Y?
Carmen. "cuz they went to c 'Closed for the Winter'"! Hahaa!
A. Haa! I love dat one!
Rich. I don't get it. Y is dat funny?
A. It's da SIGN rich! Da SIGN! Do I hav to xplain to u everythin? do u hav a pulse?!

100522
(at a vietnamiz bakery)
D. (to fem worker) May I hav 2 mor o thoz sesame balls?
(manager stops by)
Manager. Y wood u care fo mor whn u already hav 2?
(thn walks away)
D. Cuz I want sum in my mouth alright?!

100524
A. Alright.. Do not invite Alex to Richs bday. Since u tend to misunderstand me. I hav to word it clearly to u! DO NOT INVITE ALEX! Also known as ALEXANDER! I hate dat fucker
(later don is seen bringing Alex to da party)
D. Oh sorry! I thought u meant "Allen"! So I brought Alex

100525
I mean.. come on! we evn use segways! Aren't da japaniz laffin at us? We ARE da fattest nation! "My fello Americans.. we hav hit rock bottom as a nation. Not only r we behind in educatx but we r also behind in health!" Woodnt it be sumtHing if we actually had segways dat curve to sumones huge gut?

100526
D. Fujie daznt use mirrors
A. Yea she wood turn to stone if she did

(as don struggles to cut da pizza. Anh loses patience)
A. Get it done already! I wood smack u! Ur lucky ur not a woman

da only thing good bout disneyland is da exit

A. Let's email Jon dat last slice o pizza
Rich. He daznt chek his emails

Rich. I'm so American dat if any little bird lands on my finger. It ll grow up to b an American bald eagle

Rich has been jogging without skippin a day. He never stretches b4 each run. even w painful aching knees. He wood go as far as runnin on m draggin himself thru da trak til they bleed jus to sho u how tuff he is!

Rich is so American dat he evn has his own nativ American name. Its "chief broken kneecaps"

100527
Rich. Wait Anh.. Lemme weight ur paycheck.. Yea mine is heavier! Haa
A. Funny how rich keeps braggin bout how much mor pay he gets whn I'm da one who lent him money to deposit to his account since he's always broke!

Rich. Can't we all jus get along?
A. Can't we all jus get sum real sleep?
Rich. With whom?
A. Underage girls. Hmm.. N cousins.. without condoms Rich. Haa mayb ur shootin blanx!
A. Dunno but they like it on their faces
Rich. ...
A. Hahaa! Mr AWKWARD!

100531
(payin respec to dons Grandpa at a cemetery)
Fujie. Anh u can sit on dat bench!
A. Oh no thx.. It might b a tomstoon
D. Hahaa! Francois! U managed to screw up dat word u.. frakkin french FOB!

(at Strawberry Cones Pizza restaurant)
Rich. So wat wil u order, douche?
A. Perhaps a Tomstoonaah Peeezaah! Hahaa!

A. since you're ambidextrous, rich, you can give me a handjob and get me there twice as fast! haa!
Rich. if i had to do that for you, i wouldn't be using my hands, i'd be using my little fingers
D. hahaa! sooo wrong!
A. whatta fuck?! well-well-you know what, rich? you know what i have to say to you?
Rich. what?
A. TOUCHAAAYH!

IRIS (korean spy-action miniseries)

think "24" meets "The Bourne Identity" with a pinch of romance. each episode ends with a cliffhanger that'll keep you wondering and wanting more--THIS SERIES IS A DRUG.

CL (chaerin) of 2ne1

BADDEST and BIGGEST competition among korean female rappers!

http://clbaddestfemale.wordpress.com/

2ne1 - BEST KOREAN GIRL GROUP... PERIOD.

BOM, DARA, CL, MINZY

SKITS - JAN

100102
A. U call me a fob. Yet ur da one wearin flip flops! Haa
Rich. They r not flip flops! They r calld sandals!

A. Whn I first met rich. I thought he was a douche. But now.. He s mor like an asshole

A. Rich.. This is kelley. Kelley.. This is "rich". which is really short fo "richard". But u can call him "dick

100104
A. Can't stand short nails on hands! The fingers look like toes dat were surgically implantd!
Kyle. Y don't u like dat. Don't u hav a foot fetish?
A. Not as hands!

D. Do u hav "cars"?
A. Well.. Dats gonna cost u
D. How much?
A. Depends.. Who's worth mor to u.. Fujie (wife) or claire (daughter)?
D. CLAIRE!
A. Hahaa. U didn't evn hesitate on dat one! Should hav known. Y did I evn botha askin!

A. Y ru emailin me thiz short messages?
D. Typin is faster thn textin
A. Whatta pho! So textin isn't typin? Well.. Textin is faster thn talkin!

Fujie coox enuf to feed u fo one meal. My mom coox enuf to feed a small army.. Fo 3 months! N if u beg her not to feed u anymor.. She givs u mor!

A. Don, ur stil watchin dat crap?
D. Yea y?
A. Wrestlin has never bn da same ever since bruce lee left it

Kyle. Oooo! U hav a happy trail!
A. Huh? Wat?
Kyle. I didn't kno u were hairy!
A. No.. I'm "anh"!

100113
A. S&M is alright.. I'm not dat much into it.
D. Wat about golden showers?
A. Well.. I don't mind bein peed on but--
D. Hahaa! Now dats hardcore!
A. Lemme finish! --with my mouth open

100114
A. So don... U wanna mojito strawberry o cranberry?
D. O... I ll jus stik w strawberry
Tram. I don't like cranberry
A. Y? U kno its good fo u?
Tram. I usually don't like anythin dats good fo me
D. Y? Is it bcuz its bitter?
Tram. Yea I guess..
D. I don't mind it bein bitter!
A. Yea of course.. He's w fujie (his wife)

100120
A. So whn do u actually get ur period carmen?
Carmen. Wheneva richs around

D. Don't forget to clear up ur hard driv!
A. clear wat? Clear up ur own face! Ur growin nipples on it u.. oily bastard!

100122
Kyle. Rich. U need to help me
Rich. I can't
Kyle. Y?
Rich. Cuz its lunch time
Kyle. WHY?
Rich. Cuz I need to eat u.. Douche!

Rose. Y did u wander out at night in atlanta by urself? Its dangerous!
Rich. I don't kno! I wanted an adventur!
A. Hahaa. Young ppl r stupid

Rich. Rose was smart. She brought a bunch o snax in her carry on!
A. Yea! U ll b mor prepared now right? U shood bring sum snax!
Rich. I can't! I can't carry dat much!
A. Put sum in ur mouth!

100123
Crystal. Hav u tried filipino sausage?
A. Uhh.. I don't think dats my thing crystal.. U got me all wrong!

100125
Fujie. Mommy kawai!
Claire. Mommy KAKAaa!

A. Co-op in "resident evil 5" is fun! We shood try "army o two" as well!
D. Is it co-op?

A. Since don is treatin us to boba. Let's order da mos xpensiv thing on da list!
D. Da store?

(Don gets greeted by anhs mom)
Mom. Ru here to freeload fo dinner again?
Don. Anh, u might wanna let ur mom kno I hav feelings. There's only so much abuse I can tak..
Liz. Hey don! y don't u leav?

D. Yea if I worked at ur place, rich, I woodnt wanna b downstairs but upstairs in da art dept.
A. Yea u cood work under da table! No tax n I hope u shav!

(Playin resident evil 5)
D. Dats not a dog! Its a hyena!
A. (Mimics don) "dats not a cat! Its a raccoon!"
(W schwarzeneggers accent) SHEE-OUT! it daznt matter wat they r! Jus tak m ouuut!

D. Did u mak sur u checkd fo items? Que pasteria?
A. Que pasteria? Que pasteria? Rub-a-dub-dub!

D. Didn't dat villain from "avatar" piss u off?
A. No its a villain u luv to hate! Da actor did a great job! Wats da karacters name? Colonel.. Colonel..
D. "Sanders"?
A. Hahaa! Colonel sanders?
(Mimics colonel quaritch) This "sanders" daz not mak chicken!
(Mimics colonel quaritch firin his machin gun at da escapees) BRAKAKA KAKA KAKAaaa!
(Finally reaches fo his oxygn mask. takes a deep breath. N removes it) oxygen is fo wimps!
(Thn continues to fire!) BRAKAKA KAKAaa!

D. Carolines got fingers fo toes!
A. Yea! She sleeps by perchin upside down [with her arms crossd n her hands holdin her shoulders] like a BAT! Hahaa!

100127
Rich is SUPER FOB
Kyle is SUPER FRUIT
Jong is SUPER FINE
Raffy is SUPER FOCKER
Anh is SUPER FREAK
Don is SUPER FAT
David is SUPER FRIEND
Joy is SUPER FUCK
Alex is SUPER FUCKED
Fujie is FUGLY

Rich. I think I wil hav sum clam chowder fo dinner
A. I'm havin sum clams tonite n I'm not talkin bout chowder!

A. If emily dated u. It wood hav lastd 2 months. If ur lucky!
Rich. Wat can I say? Everythin I do is fast. My [photoshop] cuttin skills r gettin pretty fast too!
A. Yea especially since ur dealin w squares!

Rich. Here's one line u shood kno in chinese..
"I miss u"
A. Hahaa. Yea dat n "How much?" n "Is da first time free?"

100129
Rich. U kno kyle stil uses a cd playa?
A. Hahaa! Wat a hell is dat?
Rich. I learned bout it thru history boox
A. Yea n u learned bout boox thru youtube right? Hahaa!

I require a lot o alcohol to be able to stare at fujies face

(After attendin jons bday get togetha w rich)
C tram? U thought u wood b hangin w fobs huh? But they r superfobs!

(Rich races on da freeway to get hom)
A. Wat ru tryin to do rich? Lose us? Dats not really possibl since we re ur.. PASSENGERS!

100131
A. Shut up don.. Shut up! U don't open dat mouth 'til u get under da desk boy!