SKITS JULY

130704
fourth is just an excuse for peeps to play with fire.

i'm not seeing any spectacular firework, just hearing a lot of gunshots.

130705
ANH: i thought you didn't care for overly stylized wide-eyed anime girls.
DON: no, i like everything about this anime figure except for her face.
ANH: kinda like your wife?
DON: uh, yeah.

SONY Xperia Z imitating SAMSUNG Note 2
...
Ryan?: that thing is HUGE! that really is a phablet!
ANH: you misspelled "alphabet".
...
again, WHYAN and his auto-correct! haa

all phones are like SOAP! why must they be attracted to the ground?!

RYAN: A waterproof SAMSUNG Note 3! That'd be awesome. You can take notes under the sea. GENIUS!
ANH: haa how about dumb-proof for non tech-savvy peeps? oh wait, the iphone.

130706
are you totally clueless? every time i'm on my tablet, i'm not screwing around playing games, watching pointless youtube videos, or even facebooking; i'm DRAWING! yes, in my line of work, that's considered... WORK. get with it!

"are you married yet?"
...
haa no, unless she's a rare gem like Suzy [MISS A], monogamy is not at all appealing to me. i enjoy my freedom.

unless you've killed someone, i don't hold grudges, i'm not hateful, i forgive.

no, i'm not forgetting you peaches! like the news, i just hardly check it. if you don't want me to miss anything, TAG ME!

130707
to all those paranoids hiding from whomever online, you're not that important! nobody cares!

i'm a motorbike aficionado who won't ride them.

130708
i'm sorry, but you have to like more than just bland all-american food. if you hurl at the thought of eating sushi, you're not at all interesting to me.

CHRIS: i'm saving myself for marriage.
ANH: you're not christian. get over it!
CHRIS: you're just trying to protect me.
ANH: no, i want you to get LAID!
CHRIS: been waiting since my first kiss.
ANH: i would share my girlfriend with you, but society frowns upon that.

yes, it's really nice for you peeps to include me, but you keep inviting mofos i'm avoiding like the PLAGUE!

ANH: i'm happy you're best friends with her fake-ass boy.
friend: LOL he comes along with her.
ANH: he always tags along... like a pet!
friend: BAHAHAA like a dog.
ANH: no, he's more like those helium-pumped balloon dogs!

PRIS: After you asked, I looked through his Facebook. I already knew he was studying abroad, but then I got to know him a little deeper. He seems to be a pretty cool guy. How do you guys know each other?
ANH: Met him at a bonfire trying to twist off an untwistable beer bottle. Told him he was gonna bleed. Haa this is what's great about Facebook when peeps aren't afraid to reveal their thoughts.it's less about face, more about mind.

130709
how can people enjoy yard work? isn't it enough taking care of kids? just lay down some short grass and get it over with!

Homeland Security crisis levels
...
there should only be 3 color-coded levels:
Jesus Christ!
goddammit!
FCUK ME!
...
Lewis Black

hmm, my oversized RUBY's Coca-Cola glass has disappeared and nobody has claimed responsibility. i cannot continue to accuse Don Vu? for everything that's gone missing from my place.

130710
an alarm system installed in your home when you're in a gated community is overkill.

i like it when peeps state the obvious; i usually respond with "oh, really?" just to make them feel smart. i don't have to prove anything to anyone.

minah, yura, sojin [GIRLSDAY]
...
BAHAHAA you can tell which one definitely won't do fellatio!
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YURA: jebus, sojin! just shove it in there and ENJOY!

130711
ANH: you know, your father can see your boobs through that white tank-top you wear at home all the time.
EX: oh, i know. i don't care.

130712
have you ever seen a serious person drunk? it's hilarious! BAHAHAA they throw me off; i dunno how to act around them.

my pool-fanatic nephew has tanned himself to the point where i cannot see him in the dark... so STEALTHY!

130714
grew up with PC; owned and worked with MACs; gave my MAC desktop to someone-who-doesn't-know-any-better; stuck with PC, never going back.

stopped making appointments with peeps who are either drunk or high ALL the time; they always forget them.

"It was just an apple, God. Don't sh*t bricks."
...
HUMANITY

want more raspberry wine/soju for yourself? sit at a table where others don't drink. BAHAHAA

WFW 104 - What's the best anime? (video)
...
OMGWTFKBBQ caught my cousin, Jeremy D Nguyen?, being interviewed at ANIME EXPO by WONGFU productions about his costume at 6:40! what are the changes?! and he can talk! haa

Wong Fu Productions > JustKiddingFilms

just cuz you never heard of them, doesn't mean they're not famous.

no, mike is not on his iphone; and he won't get back to you ASAP. he's in texas, goddammit... TEXAS! WHY?! frakkin' jap.

so i return to my desktop, and there are 5 chat windows that just opened? you people are too social! LIKE

to those peeps who don't think they can ever learn anything from you, just shut them out; everyone is good at certain things, they need to see that.

how many times do i have to tell you, it's not the machine that's the problem, it's the operator!

wow, official KPOP videos viewership has tripled from 2.2 billion times globally to 7 billion views! DAEBAK!

alright, gotta delete a few more "friends", my head is spinning just going through the list to invite.

i cannot handle people with attitude; i would tear their head off if i cannot avoid them.

deleting a few names i do not remember. sorry if you are peeps i actually see in person; shouldn't have changed your name. BAHAHAA

no, i don't need to have the latest electronics; as long as what i have is functional. i do like hip-hop and some R&B, but mostly outside of the US. everything else on that list don't apply to me. i'm south korean, not asian american. haa

asian-american...? certainly, i am not. playing cards, basketball, drifting, vegas... i just don't do any of those. i do briskets... INCHEONWON!

130716
your brother weirded me out. i deleted him; i hope it's okay.

WOMAN: i'mma go to Germany... for two years.
MAN: what for?
WOMAN: haa to study German.
MAN: but why Germany? that's the only place in the world where they forbid humor.
...
THE SESSIONS

artists are the only people whom you can see thoughts from.

wow, BOKBUNJA blackberry wine actually increases testosterone and sperm count? no wonder i'm excited all the time! APHRODISIAC, Nikki Wang Daebak!

how can anyone not care for vegetables? they must be having a hard time in the bathroom.

enough with vegetarians, vegans, plant-gobblers... we have INCISORS!
i eat you people for DINNER!

OMGWTFKBBQ INK MASTER is on SPIKE!

who's the jerk who keeps invading my news feed?! oh wait, it's me.

ANH: wait, what is that? can you hear it?
NEPHEW: no, can you hear... THIS! *kaPOWWW* (hits him over the head with two pool noodles)

Alright, hate to burst your bubble, but my ugly galpals are just being nice to you. You're creeping them out; you know who you are.

130717
ANH: Haa Nikki?'s a great audience; Good humor.
DAVID: I know. She knows how to take a joke and not shut it down.
...
yup, there's a huge lack of people who won't take offense about everything.

you mean there are bad rumors about me? haa don't care! my real friends know the truth and that's all that matters.

listen, i'mma be frank with you...
FRANK: you're nothing more than a leeching mofo who cannot get any girl on his own. HASTA LASAGNA!

some dudes are even more sensitive than women; it's 'NOYING! don't try to look like a man on the exterior yet be such a panzy.

it's not you, it's your friends that are the problem.

moving to new york? good luck with the constant noise.

MANDA: my hair is not jet black, it's dark brown!
ANH: doesn't matter, shave it. i don't wanna start a fire.

can't take a joke? you'll never get me. work on your self-esteem before making anymore assumptions. take the DRAMA to yo MAMA!

got a few good cambodian friends, but from my experience, those people can be such phonies.

american action films: BANGBANGBOOM!
anh's pants with kpop uglies: kaBOOOM!

BERNADETTE: U need a hot korean chick gf. U do!! When are you getting one?
...
haa being in a serious relationship is not a priority for me right now.

again, sorry, i hardly check news feeds. peeps remind me when they interact with me. haa

spotted a style of dress shirts in different colors at EXPRESS where only the pink ones didn't sell well, and i was like "yayYEAH! WOOHOO!"
...
haa american men are so insecure with their sexuality; it's not even funny.

i don't care for brands, as long as they look good. same with people. haa

ANH: with clothing, i don't care for brands, as long as they look good; same with people. haa
SOOJI: i am made in korea.
ANH: well hehehe, in that case...

watched two of my galpals handling and eating a lee's sandwich so awkwardly, i was turned off; so pitiful.

BERNADETTE: oh boy, when i had braces, boys love 'em. i dont know why, they fcuking love it, bro!
ANH: haa must be the thrill of getting cut.

ANH: friends with benefits is okay, but holding hands is a NONO.
BERNADETTE: but that makes me feel less like a whore.

David Cook?, my bonafide-viet korean-brother-from-another-OMMA!
...
Don Vu?? who's that?

130718
they only allow you to tag 49 peeps at one time?

white neighbor welcoming us: if you see a black woman with a shaved head, don't be afraid, that's my daughter; it's her style.

130719
Tara Cullen? is officially a MUNG BEAN milk tea convert! DAEBAK!

130720
"killing your boss is not murder, it's justifiable homicide."
...
HORRIBLE BOSSES

130721
"eat recycled food for a happier healthier life... recycled food, it's good for the environment... and okay for you."
...
JUDGE DREDD
...
BAHAHAA the original starring Sylvester Stallone is still more entertaining!

130722
JUSTINE: I've been meaning to ask you...how are you so good at making friends?

good luck getting a date with my sister. she's smarter than the "bright" ones you're used to. BAHAHAA don't get bent outta shape, nothing against you, dood.

i'mma marry her with this song: "beautiful"
...
BOSSON is such a unique balladeer.

Emily Cheng?: i'm finally 21 now so I can drink with you big boys! LOL
ANH: puh-leez... you're 14 and you've been drinking since your ugly BFF Fannie Hsieh? was born!

130723
jebus, type faster! use more than two fingers! are you waiting for me to turn this chat into an essay? am i crashing your lousy iphone?

130724
that awesome feeling when the person you always wanted to delete has already done that for you.

my ugly galpal just fcuked up her $2 million legs; now, they're only 1 million.

i usually do not sever ties by association, i'm not the least biased, but if you give me a good reason, i will.

as a genuine artist, don't ever post other people's artworks on your wall; that's misleading.

ANH: that guy is frakkin' lame. the one time i invited him to INCHEONWON, he only focused on the basketball game on TV. how can you ignore uglies and briskets?!
MIKE: no to boobs? is he gay?

no, it's not that difficult to speak without using the F-word for every adjective. how much education have you had?

hate it when i ask peeps to text me their name and they type it out on chat. haa tech-savvy anyone? such a simple task!

so, no one bothers to tell me that CONAN has a youtube channel. what's up with that?

same focker smoking outside my window. all you smokers have the same pungeant fragrance; i guess it's a tad better than B.O.
...
DON: my pungent natural fragrance is intoxicating.

130725
when a young person passes on, it's really fcuked up; but when an old person does, i'm always thinking, "meh, how long do you expect them to live?"

130727
so i spill a little blackberry wine/soju and mom thinks i'm drunk!

having dated one is more than enough; i'm anti-lesbians, sue me.

130728
Anna?, i still cannot tell the difference between your brothers, Peter and Justin; you asians all look the same. i'll just call them Pestin or Juster.

130730
why do i always show up at the top of any invite list? how am i supposed to go in hiding?! BAHAHAA

130703
Male or female, doing full splits for Taekwondo looks painful!

Some of these kids are so out of shape, it's not even funny... and they're KIDS! haa

130704
Jebus, looks like all Latinos live at this Walmart. I might run into my exes.

Those who keep complaining about why I always keep the lights off apparently never worked with computer graphics 8-10 hours a day.

KITTY: whadda heo?! 2 fingers only! I'll have to charge you for 3!

Since we have an alarm system in a GATED community, every time you open something, there's a female voice that warns you saying, "front door" "garage door" "back door" "toilet seat"... SIRI, you're frakkin' NOYING!

130706
There is no such thing as a perfect family; they only want you to think they're perfect.

Some people push supermarket caddies the way they drive... no right of way. damn Asians!

Country music in an Asian market... WHY?

Amanda: I haven't seen you in a while. you've been hiding from us.
ANH: I'm on Facebook!

I'm sorry, dude. That beer bottle is not twistable, you're gonna bleed.

130707
Friend zone, what's that?

Love my ugly nephew like KPOP! I'd be a much better father to my kids than my lousy sisters' father could ever be.

130708
Some "friends" I'm completely done with, and some acquaintances I would love to get to know better. This world is too big to stick with the same lame asses.

130710
If you happen to be in a relationship that lacks trust, skip town immediately! Don't ever settle for damaged goods.

I'm not his parent; I'm his agent. I'mma mold my skinny little nephew into a martial arts SUPERSTAR!

"If I was asked to live 100 days with the one I love or to live 100 years alone, I would choose 100 days."
...
GU FAMILY BOOK kseries

"The first love makes a person grow; the last love completes a person."
...
GU FAMILY BOOK Kseries

130711
"You get my son to call you daddy, I fcuk your wife."
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The Campaign
...
Haa vote for Will Ferrell!

Stop rolling your kids in bubble wrap, people. You cannot protect them from everything 25/8. This world is unpredictable; get used to it.

130712
NEPHEW: I have BRISKET FEVER!

130715
Wait, you're telling me none of your pirated songs will play on your new MAC?

130717
alcohol is also a culprit for weight gain. Just drink as much as me. Haa

130718
"In France, it's only considered cheating if your wife catches you in the act."
...
AMERICAN REUNION

130719
I've come to the realization that everyone lacks some form of common sense; some more than others.

130721
TRON LEGACY with the nephew... Oh, it's gonna be a trip for him!

130724
FWB really means FWB. I don't wanna hold hands!

I don't get it; how does one get foot fungus? Is it due to wearing socks and shoes 25 hours a day?

A place without music is like a funeral home.

130727
Her muffins are too big; I can't finish 'em.

GALPAL: yeah, you know that feeling when you strongly believe in something and you really wanna share it with someone?
ANH: KPOP!

Alright, I just realized that a realist stands between a pessimist and an optimist.

My dog is humping his pillow. Is that normal?

130728
GALPAL: I can't find my cigarettes. Did I leave them at your place?
ANH: Haven't seen them. Ask the cig fairy.

Being up at 8am when you slept at 2am doesn't make any sense... on a Sunday!

Omo, that cross-dresser is ugly... bad ugly. Only Thais can do it right.

130730
"Those who mind don't matter; and those who matter don't mind"

I'm sorry, that's a keg, not a six-pack you have there. How about lifting weights instead of beers, dood?