SKITS - DECEMBER

111201
rosa is one of the VERY few girls who's actually tech-savvy, yet she's so clueless about sex!

(rosa + marie) + 2 green tea ice-creams = 2 GIRLS and 2 CUPS

111202
peeps are suspecting me to be working for INCHEONWON!

anh: nicole, take chris to long beach for his birthday... and leave him there!
nicole: that was after i took advantage of him! i'll be sure to take my date rape drugs with me.
chris: oh god...

nicole: NO BOOTY = NO HAPPINESS

marie: is anyone going to a sushi restaurant tonight?
anh: noooooo! i don't wanna be hungry AGAIN!

those peeps who keep bitching on every single one of their status posts are just sexually frustrated

yes, there needs to be a support group equivalent to "alcoholics anonymous" for the "sexually frustrated".

anh: kitty just called, but hung up
joyce: maybe she just butt-dialed you haa
anh: she most likely breast-dialed
joyce: whatever, she's flown off the cuckoo's nest!

brian: I hate ppl with so many issues.
anh: i hate people... haa! yes, they need to talk to a shrink, not facebook

7hi5 i5 DROID p057in6... my ma573r i5 5l33pin6.

111204
sorry, peeps! i can no longer accept your WORDS WITH FRIENDS invitations! i have more fun XBOX games to play

111205
"unfollow post" and "leave conversation"... aren't those features useful? now, they need to add the option, "unfriend all the fakes".

paul: i masturbate to keep myself awake on my long drive home.

111206
anh: (greeting coworker at the urinal) hey, sunshine! how's it hanging?
coworker: to the left, to the left...
crystal: Why is it always to the left?
anh: i dunno, is yours?
khoa: U called a co-worker sunshine? Were u guys in a unisex bathroom?
anh: i dunno, is yours?

that KARDASHIANS show must be one of the dumbest and pointless ones; you can only enjoy it while comatose.

THE KARDASHIANS | a show about spoiled drama queens stressing over every petty little things. a MUST SEE for those who don't wanna think.

111212
mike: you're the type to find inspiration everywhere for your posts... if you don't post right away, how will you catch up when the next inspiration comes along?

111213
if you bleed trying to open a beer bottle, it's not twistable.

111214
Anhjun Lozfen has left the stupid conversation with ugly viet, Ratha Marie Ngan-Nguyen.

marie frakkin' christmas to you... and a marie new year!

Ratha Marie Ngan-Nguyen has left her own stupid conversation with herself.

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." Evelyn Waugh
...
well, i got frakkin' bored waiting for you!

almost any status can jump-start an interesting conversation with Ryan Grotsky or a stupid one with Ratha Marie Ngan.

i post in a day what most cannot even post in a YEAR!

anh: sleeping is for losers.
Fannie: wait, what...? Zzzzzz

111215
ryan: marie says that i am the best hacker ever!
anh: she owns an iphone; what does she know about technology?

111216
nicole tanner: I want to go out tonight, I don't feel like getting ready. Can't I just go in my bra and undies since that's practically how females dress at the club anyway?!
anh: i still think that's too much clothing. with a body like yours, just have them painted on! stephen just jizzed...
stephen: I already did before the paint. She's too hot for words. Don't even need to be naked, she could wear a rain poncho with a raccoon hat and still be beautiful.
anh: frakkin' blasian hottie.

111217
woke up at 10 am on a saturday, feeling so refreshed! ROAAAAR! no, wait... that's for girls... YEEHAAA!
...
Ratha Marie Ngan: i disagree, dork!
Stephen Christopher Roberts: that's for cowboys. that gives me an idea for a cocktail!
Rosa Ly Oul: why isn't anyone answering to my WORDS WITH FRIENDS requests?
Ryan Grotsky: that's my eurasian brother! OPPS! LOOL
Jenn Lee: i'm COLD! i'm staying in bed with my "wiimote".
Naomi Dang: rain
David Som: i'm kumar, anh is the one who shot santa in the face!
heather: why do people keep popping out babies?! i want my night off!
Emily Cheng: let's go somewhere!
Fannie Hsieh: let's do someone! Zzzzzz...
Trey Nakamura: i'm trey, why does everyone keep calling me chris?
brent: i'm on my ceramic throne while texting you.
anh: INCHEONWON, PEACHES! 2NE1~!
jon: PENIS!

111219
rosa: did you read my post about pies?
anh: sorry, i missed your post. i'm too busy reading my own! BAHAHAA!

no, you cannot LIKE your own status! if you didn't, you wouldn't have posted it in the first place! DUH!

Anhjun Lozfen
forget about the UGLY SWEATER christmas party, I'm having an UGLY GIRLS christmas party! who's game?
Neil Reola
sounds like a craig's list/ fear factor blind date situation nightmare in the making, take lots of pics lol
Anhjun Lozfen
my lens would crack before I could take the first shot!
Neil Reola
actually your lens filter would be the first to crack followed by your lens, you lcd monitor would crack, your flash would explode at first attempt, and all the electronics would probrably catch fire due to your first attempt. and when all of thats done you still have to explain to the fire dept. of how the whole house burned down lol

111225
galpal: i've been with him for 10 years.
anh: that's 10 years too long!

111228
i enjoy hitting on LIKE, then UNLIKE just to throw you off.

my ex wanted me to treat her like she was special; she was "special" alright.

nicole: I kept hitting on LIKE and UNLIKE by accident today! stupid phone!
anh: time to get a SMARTphone!
nicole: i have a smartphone...
anh: haa i know how tough it is to use facebook while dancing.

facebooking while on the dance floor requires some serious skills!

111229
between me and Bert Cruz, we have 53 mutual friends. whatta pho?

111230
if any of you have to work new year's eve... I'M SORRY! BAHAHAA!

i was just asked if i was middle-eastern; that's a first! i should grow a beard so it won't be so obvious.

jamie: how is your compact cam able to take good pictures with no flash?
anh: well, it has a CMOS sensor and a F/1.8 lens equivalent to a prime lens on an SLR.
jamie: okay... how do you turn it on?
...
BAHAHAA i enjoy confusing people with photography jargons!

111231
anh: thanks a million for coming out with kris, sausage lover!
joyce: uh huh anh... trying to lead me to the men's restroom, "want some sausages?" -.-

when you either hangout with Anhjun Lozfen or Emily Cheng, leave your drama and bullsh*t out the door!

111201
it's only 3 letters, yet my coworker pulled a ryan and still managed to screw up my name "ANH". whatta pho?

galpal: I use two hands for that

label your drinks with the boss' name, and I can guarantee you that it won't get stolen out of the fridge!

I swear, I should move my comfy car seat to my work desk. I can fall asleep even faster in this!

(ordering sushi)
jenn: what's a ninja?
marie: hmm, I saw a ninja somewhere...

rosa: it tastes good warm too, you know? can I use both hands?

jon: what?! they gave me imitation crab for my spider roll!
anh: that's cheap! it's like ordering human meat and getting chicken instead!

111202
anh: come on! that guy clearly likes you!
rosa: no, he doesn't! he likes marie!
anh: but she's so ugly

whenever you regret posting something, just tell everyone you've been hacked! peeps usually can never really tell when anh's status has been hacked though.

marie: your ex's name sounds like a stripper's
anh: oh yeah, huh!
marie: wait, was she?
anh: ...

RYAN GROTSKY stars in... THE FAST & THE DISAPPOINTED.
...
also in theaters... DONE IN 60 SECONDS

my stripper ex just boob-dialed me

jon: PENIS!
marie: CLAMS!
rosa: whaaat?
ryan: AHN

i eat vegetarians for dinner

omigod, them viet drivers are so frakkin' slow! I just grew a full spartan beard trying to get home!

111205
anh: my car ran out of windshield washer fluid. i'm tempted to use coke. clear sodas would be preferrable in this situation though
jenn: wouldn't that be sticky?
jon: that's what she said!

BEP's will.i.am and apl.de.ap sang "where is the love" with CL (2NE1) at the Mnet Asian Music Awards. frakkin' awesome!

those little female hard steppers who weigh next to nothing, yet they walk like they weigh a few tons.

how can BARNES & NOBLE's restrooms be in a (literally) sh*tier condition than a third world country's? really?!

"if you love this country, you have to love moonshine"
...
noooo! SOJU, PEACHES!

"you cannot drink cappuccino after 11am. if you do, you're a tourist" | anthony bourdain's THE LAYOVER
...
hey! this chino will have his cappuccino anytime of the day!

"the toilet paper in this country is not the softest! here's a word of advice, bring your own... doubly ply" ANTHONY BOURDAIN (speaking about italy)

111206
omigod, don't you confuse WONDER GIRLS with GIRL'S GENERATION! WG are... MEH! it's all about SNSD, peaches!

you don't have to be rich to be my friend; but, you have to have a job to be my girl... or at least, the desire to have one!

absinthe is the devil's blood. I hate you, stephen!

I only like what's good

the best way to end a facebook conversation is not to LIKE their last comment, but to UNFOLLOW POST. haa what a jerk!

anh: (greeting coworker at the urinal) hey, sunshine! how's it hanging?
coworker: to the left, to the left...

111207
she didn't do anything for my birthday, so I dumped her ungrateful ass. birthdays are overrated, but they mean something between lovers.

stephen: JOE'S SUSHI, the taco bell of sushi

mylene: why didn't you volunteer for work?
anh: I had better things to do... like not volunteering for work.

cannot. fight. all beef. burrito. coma... Zzzzzzz

for you insomniacs, have a large beef burrito before bed... or mind-blowing sex

111208
it's not even hot in the office, yet my coworker is humping another one's leg.

anh: you should transfer your camera photos from your phone before you lose them, and so you can actually share them!
coworker: yeah, how?
anh: use your SD card.
coworker: what's an SD card?

apparently, i've just been whitelisted cuz I'm not black enough.

duh boss: why aren't you wearing any red for our office christmas party?
anh: my underwear is red.

kyle: you can buy DVDs new or used there.
anh: really? what about people? can I buy them used?
kyle: sure, just make sure they're not damaged.

date: my car can smoke your car.
anh: mine has 4 doors.

someone just got flashed by traffic cams; looked like lightning. merry christmas to you!

111209
CHAMSUTGOL is a sham, alright! they cheat you with low grade meats and got most of you peeps falling for ice-cream instead! haa

111210
they have fingerless gloves; I wonder if tipless condoms would sell.

111211
"I've never met anyone so cocky. you think all the girls are yours!" JESSICA (SNSD)
...
yes, all the girls of SNSD are mine... including yuri!

111212
of course, I had to be the first one to arrive to work whenever it rains; others are still trying to turn their wipers on.

I can hear crickets; seems like everyone's called in "sick" today, except me. didn't get the frakkin' memo!

since it's raining, I too was contemplating on staying home like you slackers, but I tremendously enjoy splashing pedestrians as they wait for the bus.

wow, this works great! lotion can also be used for your hands?

monday, why can't you be cool like friday and 5% of my friends?
...
ugly viet, marie, is not part of the 5%.

can someone just tell those japanese to stop blurring their videos cuz that's affecting my... "work".

IT'S ALWAYS GLOOMY IN CALIFORNIA
...
new sitcom premieres!

how about those who stop by a birthday party for only 5 minutes?
...
"i stopped by to drop your gift off. can I go now? my wife is in labor"

you mistaken cambodians for filipinos, they get offended. you mistaken filipinos for anything else, they couldn't care less cuz even they can't even identify their own people!

marie: oh, I thought you could drink that large bottle of vodka like smirnoff ice
anh: that's 80 proof pure vodka
...
haa wow, would've been interesting if we didn't tell her!

my coworker, kyle, wants to change this state name to KYLIFORNIA.

marie: don't think their house can accommodate 40 people.
anh: well, only invite yourself then.

you ever tried to clean something, but made it worst? I just did with my phone screen. like a friend would say, "don't make a black hole out of an asshole."

why is california so cold today? wherever I'm with marie, I feel cold; even in a sauna... fully clothed... with a parka.

when anh finally agrees it's cold, you know it's cold!

manda: it's not just cold, it's titty cold!

111213
that moment when you find out two mutual friends actually know each other, "whaaat? noooo! WHY?!"

"can you stop?! you know how much uglier ugly people look when they cry?" | SECRET GARDEN

111214
those pedestrians texting while crosswalking, holding up traffic. really?! how many points for those?

galpal: They brought a basket full of chocolate covered everything at work! ugh, they're making us fat!
anh: even the person who brought it is made of chocolate.

every house party should have a makeout room... or a makeout closet.

it boggles the mind how some fools rush and zig zag through traffic like they have diarrhea, yet this one even bothers to signal?

jenn: let's try nude twister at our next party!
anh: yes, please!

111215
we don't do any work in the art department; we just sing and break dance all day.

some peeps are as interesting as a brick wall.

rosa: come to my brother's housewarming!
anh: rosa has a brother?! isn't one of you enough?

ugly viet, marie, is probably fantasizing about that phallic candle on her birthday cake. it HAS been a while.

coworker: of all the people in the company, I trust you the most, anh.
anh: aww really?! thanks, that's cuz I don't kiss ass!

and my hand is frakkin' sore! no, not from that, but from using the pen and tablet; I almost started a fire with the stylus working so fast!

please, stop sending me WORDS WITH FRIENDS requests... I'm an XBOX gamer for crying out loud!

and no, i'm not gaming on my xbox right now cuz... 1. my hand is frakkin' sore, and... 2. my xbox is broken!

a hefty christmas bonus is a scheme to temporarily make you forget what kind of hell you've been working at.

department manager: hey guys! here's our new employee. she's just started today!
anh: welcome to hell.

"are you a cow? a foreigner? an american? how can you disobey an adult's words? | SECRET GARDEN (korean series)

111216
coworker: I dreamt about having a beer with you at the beach.
...
DOS COJONES... stay thirsty, my friend.

friend crush | experiencing a strong desire to become friends with a person you don't know very well.

DOS EQUIS
joyce: this one reminds me of you, "he is the life of the parties he's never attended."

i'll eat more mexican before drinking

anh: I don't do taco bell much... ALBERTOS!
galpal: I will take you to ZAVALAS some day.
anh: stop making up places.

she buys you an xbox, she's a keeper!

jenn: how about SUPER MARIO?
anh: I suck at that!
jenn: me too! we can suck together!
anh: haa don't tempt me.

like my galpals, why can't CAPRISUN come in a more grown-up packaging?

I think I went over my comment limit for the day! sorry, I can't reply instantly, peeps!

kyle: I just got a smartphone! can you show me how to use it?
bryan: haa welcome to the 21st century!
anh: the dude still uses a rotary phone at home and owns a portable cassette player.

my ugly nephew is learning french on his own.

"jingle, jingle bells... I wish I could keep myself from jiggling this holiday"

111217
LEE'S SANDWICH | almost everything is good... not our sandwiches.

(incheonwon kbbq)
anna: wow, that's a lot of meat!
anh: that's what she said!

anna: I didn't know your brother was so cool!
liz: oh, really?
anh: that's cuz you don't see me enough.

111219
wow, took less than a minute to come in, order 5 lee's coffees, and get out? it's like they were expecting me! yes, all 5 are MINE! HAPPY MONDAY, PEACHES!

my little galpals can outeat any giant.

JEBUS! this jalapeno and cheese taquito is so frakkin' spicy! sooo mexican.

galpal: i'm not competing with your monkey girls! you can't collect me!
anh: I am the... COLLECTOR! MUAHAHAA!

I only treat coworkers I get good vibes from. the rest of you can suck on livvy's strap-on dildo!

cambodians are from the philippines, right?

omigod, I am so awake and alert, it's not even funny! someone, please, hold an apple so I can prove it.

"korea is somewhere in china, right?"
...
whatta fcuk?

galpal: I'm more culturally open than you are, anh!
anh: would you date an asian guy?
galpal: no.
...
BAHAHAA contradic-chiooon!

since joyce loves "sausages" so much, she needs a gift card to WIENERSCHNITZEL.

forget about the UGLY SWEATER christmas party, I'm having an UGLY GIRLS christmas party! who's game?

kyle: you're always smiling when you look at your phone!
anh: haa that's cuz these people say the stupidest things!
...
thank you to all my dumb friends!

anh: and he's such picky eater!
marie: I thought I was.
anh: whatever, marie. you'd open your mouth for any meat.

111220
I asked a coworker to hold a lee's coffee for another, then he frakkin' drank it! haa IRRESISTABLE! not for the weak!

anh: stop winking at your boss so he won't notice you as much.
galpal: i'm not! I have pretty chinky eyes for a mexican!

galpal: I caught my boss looking at my ass! It's rude, no?!
anh: he's married, not blind.

I don't usually associate with peeps who own apple products; but most of my friends are girls, so I have to put up with that! bleh...

you need the "I'M WITH STUPID" shirt to wear with your boyfriend around.

maria: I need a battery for my previous phone; I'm using this fcuker plugged into the wall!
anh: there are cordless vibrators, you know?

rosa: are don and cyrus joining the party?
anh: don's wife had his balls locked away.
galpal: and cyrus?
anh: cyrus is black.

sorry if I've offended anyone! no wait... i'm NOT sorry! BAHAHAA

oh, SH***T! no, literally... "sh*t". there's bird sh*t on my car. ugh...

SURVEY: 50% of people would have sex with their coworkers at a holiday party.
conan: the other 50%... are women.

111221
rosa: I got handcuffs at the sex shop.
anh: cuffs are TAME!
rosa: no, you guys are extreme!
anh: are you amish?

annoying to see people wrapped up like they're climbing mount everest when it's not even snowing here!

PUBLIC ENEMY #1 | asian woman driving a hummer while texting... with both hands.

PUBLIC ENEMY #2 | any woman driving a hummer while texting... with both hands.

rosa: they say I party too much.
anh: are your friends frakkin' amish?

I need to organize a BOAT party and invite all the peeps who cannot swim; unless they have DDs or higher, they'll just float.

I'm eating coconut cream pie. try and stop me!

fannie: i'm 19 by the way.
anh: nooooo! no longer a monkey!

he just went into the restroom. how can it instantly stink like this?!

fannie... that ugly sleepy monkey nerd!

I know my ex is not that bright, but she can't be that stupid.

when you don't wanna tell the truth to a galpal.
...
"he's just not that into you cuz... he's asexual... and amish."

would you prefer to be a seemingly lame person who turns out to be COOL, or a seemingly cool person who turns out to be LAME?

"how did you get to date me... with that face?" | SECRET GARDEN

111222
galpal: cum on skype!
anh: I wish I could do that at work.

try applying sanitizing lotion to a cut; it's exhilarating!

for anyone whose thursday is actually friday, you can suck on livvy's strap-on dildo!

we should only work 4 days with 4 day weekends.

galpal: lms ** no vedio!! ryt nw ::
anh: I have no frakkin' idea what you're saying.

ALBERTOS carne asada sounds better than marie for lunch! mmm...

last minute christmas shoppers, my question is... WHY?! really?!

111223
don: what should I bring to an elephant party?
anh: someone actually thought you are cool enough to be invited to a party?

some peeps actually name their car? whaaat? do they have a name for their toaster too?

111224
MARIE CHRISTMAS, PEACHES!

111225
anh: these disposable chopsticks feel like they're not even made of real wood!
nephew: china makes the bad stuff.

111227
I wonder where my ugly galpal got her nose done cuz it looks real expensive.

my coworker got me a 100% cotton button shirt... SMALL! doesn't he have any idea how much it'll shrink? good one, kyle.

I was supposedly offered chocolate covered creme brulee almonds; I believe it's dog food!

kyle: I don't eat nuts, but it's not bad!

anh: this is when people are returning their gifts. haa so sad!
ryan: i'm regifting my S&M present.
anh: hope you didn't use it before regifting!

galpal: So how was it drinking for me during Christmas or did you have to babysit? LOL
anh: I was high for you. haa

my nephew's head is... ginormous! I swear he can move objects with his mind.

111228
when nicole tanner is not drinking, she's sleeping.

chris sicam is a cool nerd.

those with 4 first names, just frakkin' pick one!

my name is billy-bob rose-marie.

my short spoon just drowned and disappeared in the curry sauce. noooo!

don got me "BATMAN: arkham city". thanks, boob... but my xbox is still broken!

111229
why can't thursday be more like friday?! it's like the ugly sister you wanna get through to get to the hot one!

I could've sworn I had monday off; still feels like an 8-day workweek!

wait, is new year's eve this year?

I've just officially been called a food pornographer by livvy. haa

fcukkj itsd haedd to texxt baxk a replly wjile drivinng!!

wow, this car air freshener smells intoxicating! it's like being at a BATH & BODY store!

111230
marie: driving is distracting me from applying my makeup!

just stapled myself under my finger nail; bleeding; this makes me hungry...

nicole: oh... I feel bad I can't make it tonight! you keep inviting me.
anh: I understand. next time, i'll let you know a year ahead.

ANH actually either means BIG BROTHER or SWEETIE. I should know, I used to be viet.

I think her ginormous boobs are the brains.

anonymous: you never invite me.
anh: you never pickup the phone!

don won't show up cuz he's too cool to go out on a friday!

as I was leaving my work desk, I caught myself pressing on my car key's UNLOCK button. that tells you how eager I am to jet!