SKITS - OCTOBER

111001
so much work filtering/editing 500 photos per event! UGH! I should just shoot one lousy group shot and nothing else! bleh...

111002
(as they're shooting away at runway models, a fat one comes out)
neil: did your camera stop too?
anh: my lens just broke!
...
BAHAHAA great meeting with you!

111003
my coworker is already snoring. lemme call duh boss

Maria Tzintzun is looking quite tempting! walking does one a lot of good! still craving mexican

if I were the boss, I'd probably harass my female employees

squares can drink too! just don't tell 'em you spiked the drink

marie: dunno any INnOUT restaurant around here in compton
anh: you'll be luckier finding a KFC

if you don't socialize, i'mma forget you and delete you. however, some of you are overly social; you probably talk to a volley ball named WILSON when not around others
...
david som: I hope you trip on a cordless phone when you delete me!

JURY DUTY
anh: they'll pick you cuz you look serious
marie: what if you're the quiet one?
anh: you can look dumber by removing your glasses, ugly

you guys can't fool me! cambodians are not real people! they're alien characters created for AVATAR!

galpal: a great way to forget a man is to get under another

Ratha Marie Ngan has changed her relationship status to "Marie-d"

111004
marie: Now that I'm single, I have to break so many hearts; something I feel bad about
anh: they flock to you cuz you're attractive. lemme rearrange your face to look like don's

(to his alcoholic coworker)
you need to drop your buddies and kick it with me. my friend is a bartender!

she dropped the zero, and got with a bigger zero

anh: you want some corn?
kyle: sure, but not on my toes!
anh: not in your jokes either

why is it that whenever I specifically said "maybe", they assume it's definite?
...
anh: maybe, i'll come to your party.
galpal: alright, i'll see you there!
...
anh: maybe, i'll marry you.
girlfriend: alright, i'll send the invites!

111005
i'm a MANLY man's man! I watch sport 25/8; shoot bears on weekends; and ONLY drink beer!

I swyped LENOVO and LESBIONIC came out. evidently, my phone speaks my lingo!

coworker: do you still ask for "french bread" in france?
anh: nooo! you don't say "french fries" either! and if you speak english, they'll take you to a hostel

female coworker 1: see? they use short rice for their teriyaki bowl
female coworker 2: yeah, short and sticky
anh: that's what she said!

khoa: why are we in deeper recession? because california just lost another job

INCHEONWON SOCIAL CLUB has been founded!
...
"you are the nucleus that binds us all" CHRIS SICKEM
...
I genuinely feel honored. thank you!

"you can take the girl outta the hood, but you can't take the hood outta the girl" ~ a close friend

111006
khoa's like the devil on my shoulder, and don is the hobo

no tongue rings, please. gets in the way of french kissing!

squeemers are so much fun to watch horror films with! they give you that interactive experience, spooking you with their high pitch screams

my sister accidentally punched some guy in the face while she was busting her moves. that's extreme dancing right there, peaches!
...
khoa: haa gives a whole new meaning to dancing with the "stars"!

when I make someone cry from laughter, my day is done

"my son is dumb. if she's seen with him, people will think it's dumb and dumber!" | PROTECT THE BOSS

111009
khoa: my friend's house just got burglarized... by mexicans
anh: they should move down to huntington beach where the viets are the prime suspects!
khoa: there are some good areas in santa ana
anh: yeah, the white part

111010
galpal: hey, I think my galpal is bisexual
anh: how do you know that?
galpal: she wanted to eat me

marie: oooh... my first clam!

anh: you guys aren't fooling anybody! this is not a cambodian house! you can cook pho! you're VIET!
marie: well, all asians know how to cook pho
anh: and all black people know how to rap too!

111011
khmer sounds really sexual when spoken by rosa and marie; and neither are even cambodian!

I've had thai without the food. so frakkin' good!

nephew: where's auntie chime? why is she not back?
anh: I sold her!

111012
alright, the number of invites has gotten out of hand! if you guys bring any more peeps, I will make don eat his own hobo shoes

how can I possibly miss my mouth? I've got rice all over someone else's face!

anh: I wouldn't frakkin' kick my guests out! we'd all have an orgy till you're sober enough to go home... in the morning.
rosa: wait, what? what's an orgy?

kicking it with that ambiguously-cambo crowd is FAIL-SAFE! never a dull moment!

marie: oooh... my first clam!
rosa: wait, what? what are you doing?

111013
liz: I thought it was funny how mom called chime out for lunch, "chime, EAT NOW!"
anh: can you imagine her working for DMV?

please, remind me not to confirm anymore kids! I have no idea whatta frak they're saying with their shorthand coded broken english with random smileys:
...
hv I nicee dfinitly :)) nw day cuzin icecrrm mmm lmfao LOOL googoo gaga ?! O_o

any professional kill will be greatly appreciated. please, make it look like an accident

google + has lost 60% of their users. to those of you who actually signed up, what were you thinking? BAHAHAA

if it ain't broken, don't fix it! if it is, fix it! but if it breaks again, it must not be japanese

could've sworn I was only 25% european. how am I whiter than a white guy? whaaat?

I believe his name is GEORGE or is it WHORE-HEY?

I actually feel like I was a german nazi and i'm now redeeming myself by loving people so much. hence, my obsession with the HITLER CHANNEL

why is it that when I say "no pressure" people always feel pressured to do it?
...
"if you don't help me out on this one, i'll torch your place. haa no pressure!"

alicia was pretty good at babysitting me while I was drunk... till she force fed me! *BARF*
...
jon: are you still gonna have that?

I spent the last 2 hours trying to get a 30 min nap. thinking too much. why can't I shut my mind off like Don Vu usually does?

111014
how did I get that image? I am not a womanizer! I just enjoy the company of women

why can't two good friends do each other without having one becoming clingy?! just having fun!

it's lunch time, but i'm not even hungry! could it be that sandwich I had an hour ago?

crystal: there are other restaurants other than incheonwon, you know?
anh: are you... INSANE?!

nephew: oooh you're not supposed to say the word STUPID!
anh: that's stupid!

some fools think adding blazing flame designs and an ornamental spoiler (where you can literally hang your socks to dry) will make their car faster... EYESORE!

111015
again, I have no frakkin' idea what these kids are talking about. gotta limit my friends to the literate

kpop girls are like beef briskets. sooo scrumptious!

just because I'm sharing the bed with a girl, doesn't mean i'm sleeping with her! waittaminit...

111016
hey look, I'm so cool, my tight pants are hanging below my ass and you can see the hole through my underwear!

111017
peter: oh, your friend I ran into the other day, she's pretty!
anh: yeah, just not that smart

anh: whoa, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
marie: aww...
anh: cuz your face looks fcuked up!

ryan: Hope she just learns before it is to late
anh: it'll be to late when she's pregnant with sextuplets
ryan: Haha.. That's mean. Just not let it come to that
anh: octuplets then?

111018
you know what it means when duh boss is not in... i'm blasting EMINEM and Dr DRE in the office! JAY-Z...? more like JAY-Zzzzzz

female coworker: (asking another about their breakfast) why is your sausage so small? why is it like that?
...
BAHAHAA that was too easy!

why do people insist on keeping opened soda bottles for more than a day? unlike Don Vu, they lose gas and fizz!

those cambodians are highly flammable. they drink lighter fluid with every meal! and the ugly ones can actually cook pho! whaaat?

I cannot stand shorthanded coded texts; I do not speak robot. typing on physical phone keyboards has made some really lazy

galpal: I rather have you come earlier than later.
anh: no, trust me. you would rather have me come later than earlier.

santa's too strict. I think naughty girls are good

lonely island: I'm on a boat, motherfocker!
T-pain: motherfocker...

holy shitsu... just the sight and/or spicy aroma of kimchi makes me salivate

with that new feature, I can now UNFOLLOW my own derailed posts! YEEHAAA!

why is it that the bitchy looking ones usually are nicer than the sweet looking ones? am I being tested? is this actually a lab?

chris sickem: I have to drastically watch my diet. do you work out?
anh: yeah, I lift weights and get my cardio in bed

anh: don't THE SCRIPT sound like ONErepublic?
kyle: who? are they hispanic?
anh: what?
kyle: JUANrepublic?

stephen: what should I mix for you?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!

jon: so what will there be at the drinking party?
anh: stephen's clam margaritas--
marie: mmm... clams...
anh: with rosa's lighter fluid concoction as a chaser. yeah, we HARDCORE!
stephen: choose your poison. MUAHAHAA

woman: say something! if you're mad at me, hit me
man: that's impossible. if I hit you once, you'll hit me twice; and I know you're stronger than me.
...
PROTECT THE BOSS

111020
chime: I could use some Lee's coffee. Lol
anh: now, you crave it
chime: Yea I crave that every morning
anh: that's what she (and Joyce Mojica) said!

anh: are you looking or just--
marie: good looking?
anh: -- ugly?

some dudes are not as cool once the alcohol wears off; either anal, boring, or both!

anh: I cannot makeout with you knowing what you just ate
galpal: but I put a lot of things in my mouth!

111023
I avoid driving in LA like the plague. unless someone else drives, count me out if any of you plan to invite me there

111024
KPOP is my religion... and those girls are my goddesses

galpal: It takes two good suckers for it to be good.

he needs a drastic change too. i'mma paint my black boston terrier white

when your panties are down, like an open door, it's an invitation!

111025
mike and his "twins" won't make it, but joyce and her "sausage" will come! (pun intended)

111026
kyle: I screwed up. my supervisor sent me an email to complain about it
anh: it's okay! everyone makes mistakes! I made a mistake coming to this company

supervisor: I need you guys to make the text more visible.
kyle: well, we can add a stroke to it!
(a bit later)
anh: we're both done with the stroking. it didn't take long at all!

"got no reason. got no shame. got no family I can blame. just don't let me disappear" ONEREPUBLIC
...
reminds me of my ugly orphan galpal, chime. aww

drunk asian girl driving a hummer while texting... QUADRUPLE WHAMMY!

the "i can fix him! it'll work out!" mentality... puhleez! can you forcefully connect two lego pieces that won't fit together? NOOO!

jose: is that snow on your car?
anh: no, it's dust. it's california for crying out loud!

HALLOWEEN is just an excuse for a holiday. I just toss a bucket of candy outside with the sign "one candy per person! you are being filmed!"

posting on others' wall is risky! i'll just post on mine and tag 'em

khoa: TIP: to save yourself from making calls to your ex while drunk save their # as "WARNING! you are DRUNK! DO NOT call this number!"
...
and to avoid stalking exes' calls, save their # as "DO NOT pickup this call!"
...
brent: psh! I put their numbers in my phone backwards. I can never figure out the math when I'm drunk
anh: I can't even figure out the math when i'm sober

111027
instead of a COKE, mom accidentally packed me a beer for lunch. am I supposed to thank her?

rich: you and me equals 4 balls
raffy: you mean, you have one?

Anhjun Lozfen just Unfollowed his own post

anh: Joyce Mojica wants octuplets! Kris Bravo, start saving!
david: i'm curious. how do you impregnate someone with octuplets?
anh: you have to release 8 times in a row or you can puncture eight holes in your condom

at my last work, my supervisor kept nagging about me, so I quit without the 2 weeks notice. then, she got fired for making too many mistakes. karma's a bitch, bitch!

cyrus: (drinking soda chanh) I've been sucking on this for an hour and nothing is coming out
anh: that's what she said!

111029
party goer: who are you supposed to be?
anh: don dressed as anh. pretty good, eh?

if I didn't shoot it, you'll never see that photo

111031
I didn't know you had any friend. I will UNFOLLOW your post now.

Ratha Marie Ngan may seem unapproachable, but she's not cold; she's cool!

marie: oooh, I had raw oysters last night!
rosa: the oyster is coming!

marie: why don't you pop the cherry?
rosa: why do I have to pop the cherry?

111001
van: damn, I ran 8 miles! now, I can't feel my ass!
anh: can I feel your ass for you?

i'mma throw away what I don't need... like don's dignity and photos of kitty

DAVID COOK CASTING ANH:
...
ANHJUN LOZFEN | The reason why Facebook is slow. It takes time to load all of Anh's status updates.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Facebook is to Anhjun like water is to fish. Without water, fish die. And get stinky.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own comment
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Added 18975 new photos to the album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Just liked his own photo album "UGLIES"
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Was somehow able to like his own like
ANHJUN LOZFEN | DON VU is to HOBO like 1 is to 1.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | Wishes there was a small Incheonwon inside Incheonwon so even when he's eating at Incheonwon, he can still go to Incheonwon again.
ANHJUN LOZFEN | 16 is the new 18
ANHJUN LOZFEN | FRAK! I just got comment raped! It's ok, boob. Briskets, PEACHES!

anh: khoa suggested us to try that restaurant, PHO 86
marie: is there a 69?
...
BAHAHAA i hate you, ugly viet

marie: i don't know her, but she seems cool.
anh: well, they always seem cool at first.
marie: true, unlike me, huh?
anh: yeah, you seemed bitchy at first.

i didn't see any tiger in my bathroom this morning.

marie, get yourself some DDDs so they can distract us from your ugly face

i usually do a good job with photography; and it helps when my subject is a camwhore!

ryan: marie is gonna throw her doungnuts at us again!
stephen: "doungnuts"?!
ryan: sorry, my gut was typing

marie: the scratched left lens on my glasses is making me dizzy
anh: remove that lens. who needs both anyway?

can i LIKE my own LIKE?

most guys don't need marriage. they just bite their tongue to fulfill their girl's fantasy... although, i would totally marry SONG JIEUN!

anh: how d'you get that name, "ANT"?! what are you, some kinda disney/pixar character?
ant: it's short for "anthony".
anh: oooh...

111004
kids tend to move a lot, so i have to shoot photos of my galpals on BURST mode

if you don't think fellatio is better than intercourse, you never had a good one!

111005
nicole tanner: Are you really from Paris, France??? How cool!
anh: no, everything here is a lie... OF COURSE! I was raised there. we specialize in abducting and torturing american tourists now
nicole tanner: Nice!! I'm also part French! :D Well, thank you for the heads up. So does this mean I should pack some mace in my bag when I meet up with you guys?
anh: haa you'll be just fine packing perfume! I hang with dumb americans

hey, i don't mind friends dating my exes! recycling is good

111007
look... i no longer mind a little bit of plastic to your face, but if you no longer look human, you have a serious problem!

111008
i just made my nephew a fan of CALPICO yogurt drinks! wait, that was the unspiked version, right?

111009
galpal: he wants me to marry him. should i?
guy friend: NOOO! divorce is REAL expensive!

marie: do you usually post the pics when everybody's asleep?
anh: yes... MUAHAHAA!

111010
really?! he's crying and begging for her back? really, now? i don't even cry at funerals!

111011
fannie: crystal, you eat shampoo?
crystal: tasted it by accident...
anh: that's what she said!

marie: LIAR!
anh: no lie
marie: only liars say that!

anh: you should get your ugly sleep!
marie: no!
anh: fine, keep surfing for porn then!
marie: what's that?
anh: keep surfing for corn then
marie: i love corn!

texting is really practical when the other person's voice is unbearable

111012
Anhjun Lozfen, David Som, and Cyrus Thomas are...
...
HAROLD & KUMAR & the pakistani with the algerian-speaking GPS

i've done 27 people before, but never 30! whaaat?

i hate it when i click on "mutual friends", but accidentally click on "Add Friend". NOOOO!

what's up with peeps with no profile pic? at least, shoot yourself with a bag over your head! wait, that came out wrong.

111013
i cannot stress this enough... if you guys bring anymore friends to my already packed event, i will make Don Vu wear a THONG... backwards.

Rosa Ly Oul: wait, what? you mean, i got high from eating those brownies?!

marie: i'm getting advice on landing jobs right now.
anh: yeah, show some cleavage. if it's a female boss, show some bulge.

111014
i've limited my post visibility to FRIENDS ONLY. privacy has become an issue. it's like leaving your front door for anyone to enter... who the fcuk are you? this is no OPEN HOUSE!

111015
my mistake... kpop girls are like beef briskets injected with cocaine

111018
marie: i'mma go costume shopping tomorrow... what to be?
anh: you need to pick something that covers your face... ENTIRELY!
marie: and you're going as an ASSHOLE!
anh: then, i won't have to dress up! YAY!

111019
stephen: so, what would you like me to mix?
anh: how about a bloody marie?
marie: i'll give you a bloody nose if you don't watch your mouth!
anh: that's easy. flash me and my nose will bleed on its own
rosa: wait, what? mmm... balut...

111022
BRAIN STUDY
If you can read this, your mind is functioning very well:
...
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

i want my friend count back to 69. is it too late?

marie, stop lying to people about being cambodian. no one is falling for it anymore cuz only viets really cook PHO!

after watching PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3, i'mma start setting up cameras in the guest room and the bathroom

111023
if you haven't been caught vomiting over someone else's food, it was a good drinking night!

i should unfriend her. she has 1250+ in her list. she won't notice, right?

alright, i'mma start deleting peeps with 1000+ friends. trust me, you won't notice!
those with double-digit friends are SAFE cuz that's just plain sad!

111025
don't use french around me, Don Vu, your terrible accent makes it sound like broken italian... and your horse teeth don't help either.

do i pick friends in terms of looks? yes, i like ugly girls

111026
Anhjun Lozfen just UNFOLLOWED your post
...
noooo! when was that a notification?!

guy: you never loved me?
his ex: no, i gave you sex in return for your gifts
guy: wouldn't that make you a prostitute?

111028
stephen will try to mix an UGLY VIET martini. we ALL would like a taste of marie!

i would like to maintain the image of an ass@#$%. don't call me a nice guy, or even worse, a viet. that's offensive!

111029
the only thing that made that "party" bearable was the company of our group of friends. it wasn't music they were playing, it was just noise! and a frakkin' bathroom with no lock? really?!

111030
nephew: is auntie kitty not your type anymore?
anh: no, she is. it's just that her mind is not. she's bad
nephew: bad like a villain? but she looks nice!
anh: there are a lot of nice looking girls who are bad for you

hanging out with the crazies is a great way to keep yourself sane. haa the paradox!

111031
rosa: wait, was he in?
marie: i don't know
...
haa i love taking things out of context!