SKITS - APRIL

110401
mom: you want some creme bruce lee?
anh: what?!
mom: CREME bruce lee?
anh: oh! "CREME BRULEE"! omigod...

110404
lesbians need not apply! i already said i was done, damnit!

STOP HANGING WITH YOUR OWN KIND! it's like having chicken everyday. ugh!

110409
thanks to jake for driving my car back although he almost DESTROYED my gearbox by redlining it! note to self: remind substitute driver to switch to automatic!

110410
khim: you're ugly, so you need to be with an ugly person like me

anh: i wanna kiss you goodnight sooo badly!
khim: i wanna kick you goodnight

110411
anh: i wanna see you eat a banana
khim: bahahaa! that's my favorite fruit!

110416
in FACEBOOK, under "report/block this person" option:
"My friend is harassing or bullying me"

BAHAHAA really?! if they're doing that, they're not your friend to begin with!\

my nephew loves me? is it cuz i'm so great with kids? oh no... don't you add a punchline here, RICH!

110417
ngoc: i just want some suggestions--
anh: about marriage?
ngoc: yes
anh: DON'T DO IT!

she takes so long to get anything done, i think i need to shave my beard again

my friend doesn't care much for breasts, but then he meets a girl with watermelons... be careful what you do NOT wish for!

done deleting a few acquaintances... now, onto family members!

HAA! only in california are men concerned about getting fat! oh, wait. that includes me

110419
don: I wish there was a "don't like" option
anh: you mean "DON LIKES" option

110430
what annoys me more than people holding chopsticks 2" from the food are people holding each stick 3" from each other! whatta frak with that?

110402
hookah di beppo! YEAH!

pooneh: what does "no" mean?
anh: "YES"!
pooneh: what does "yes" mean then?!
simone: "NOW"!

I prefer white people. asian people scare me

don, if your wife won't do it, I will! *zip

anh: haa you're so bad with internet acronyms huh? do you even know what LOL means?
don: Laugh OnLine?

don, you're like an ugly mexican woman! manda was so frakkin' hot! yet again she was mixed. but some people can be real attractive without being mixed! and I know some mixed ones who are not so attractive... (points to himself) me

before surgery (points to don)... after (points to himself)
before boxing (points to himself)... after (points to don)

don, while I have the lead role, you're my stunt double
anh: baguette (points to himself)... CHURROS! (points to don)
don: BAHAHAAA I actually like those!

110403
OUCH! hit the corner of the bed! SONUVABITCH! I should get a round one!

110404
anh: join me and my friends for dinner!
girl: how about just you and me? I'm not that social
anh: how can I trust you? I don't really know you. I'm scared

yep, people want to add me. then, delete me when they find out how controversial I am!

he's not gay! he's british!

110405
"my girlfriend didn't like eminem. I had to let her go"

110406
stop using police sirens in your music, damnit!

you cope with cigarettes, I cope with rum... RED RUM

110407
don: you're an ASS! I couldn't sleep yesterday cuz I was laughing over videos of you! oww... my stomach is still hurting!
anh: BAHAHAA yeah, there're a lot of things you enjoy that are bad... like the SPICE GIRLS
don: FCUK YOU! they're good!

ariel: what's for lunch, anh?
anh: high school girls
ariel: haa! I don't know you, anh!

rich: I'm going to a party...
anh: oh yeah?! what kind?
rich: the kind that's in my pants!

don: everyone's calling me a dork. I'm starting to like it!
anh: you should legally change your name to DORK

don: did you go back?
anh: what? to being good?
don: you can't go back to being what you never were!
anh: damn! you caught me with my pants down!
don: ...
anh: and why are you still looking?

my friends want INCHEONWON AYCE BBQ tonight, and my family wants it tomorrow?! SONUVABITCH!

110409
queen pooneh (or was it "puree"?) is so humble. she lowered herself to our peasant status and FED HERSELF last night! whaaat?

110412
what I say is 90% true... what rich says is 90% BS

mom: here, I made these springrolls for you
anh: are you kidding me?! they're huge! joy (ex) likes them this big!

a sequel... a prequel... can't equal!

110413
JEEZ! why is your phone screen so frakkin' bright? is staring at the sun for hours a hobby of yours?!

rich: so where is your sister's gonna room when she visits? does she need a place?
anh: no, she can use my bed
rich: so you're gonna sleep on the floor?
anh: I didn't say that

anh: damn, you're such a cry baby! you're worst than my girls
rich: well, your girls still drink from the bottle!

anh: wow. can carly be any prettier?
nephew: she is! she breaks my heart!

110414
ariel: rich, you don't drink?!
anh: haa no, he doesn't!
rich: no, I don't. I rather spend my money on drugs

any woman sleeping with rich becomes a born again virgin

rich is NOT cranky! that's his happy face!

an ex should remain an ex. there's a reason why it didn't work out the first time! being fubus should be alright though

kyle has a lead foot. he got caught at 71mph in a 45 zone! way to go, geek. that pile of traffic tickets is costing more than your honda fit!

rich: why can't you get to know older women for me, huh? why can't you think about me?!
anh: BAHAHAAA

"by definition: GLEE is about opening yourself up to joy"

haa really? my ex's name is EVERYWHERE!

110417
sure fire way to lose a guy... tell him you hate sex

110418
wow. I'm actually wiser than I thought! peeps like rich never give me enough credit. I gotta hangout with more dummies

oh, god... she's the president of the celibacy club. FCUK

110419
watching sports makes me flaccid... except for women's gymnastics! soo limber...

I didn't need to be shirtless for her to notice me. she likes my comments!

rich: the only time women can speak is when they're spoken to

oh, come on! don't eat the yellow snow!

chime's favorite bite... "cock sandwich" (hot dog)

I wouldn't mind having rich date my sister. she could teach virgin boy a few things about sex... european style!

yeah, I'd help you if your car breaks down. but if you're more than 15min away... good luck! gas is expensive

when rich is beyond pissed, he cries!

110420
hubbies who never go out?! tsk tsk tsk... that's when I come in

here's a tip: dress your easter eggs in camouflage paint!
GOOD LUCK, KIDS! haa

kyle: you're so white!
anh: that's cuz I'm a redhead

110421
"you're too skinny, girly! gain at least 5 lbs"
"i don't know what happened! I just lost 2!"

asian girls... go figure

every woman has a friend who hates men | evey man has a friend who uses women

anh: rich loves me
kyle: why don't you just marry him?
anh: he doesn't have the parts I want

I used to lust after my sister... until she started to lose waaay too much weight!

spencer: this is kinda violent! what is it called?
bodyguard: 'the killing war'
spencer: can we watch something else?
bodyguard: fine. put on 'full house'
spencer: how is it?
bodyguard: this is hilarious

iCARLY

my nephew is so chinky. when he smiles, his eyes disappear

110422
emily: let's go somewhere!
fannie: let's do someone!

emily: sleeping is overrated!
anh: sleeping is for losers!
fannie: hey! I like sleeping!

most girls pull hair
emily throws punches
fannie falls asleep

110423
(taking care of don's toddler)
anh: alright, aaron. here, take off your shoes. you can walk over there, but don't drink out of the toilet!

don: how come you laugh like you need to shut up?!
anh: how come you smell like you need to shower?!

anh: tomiko? I'll take ena home. you can keep my sister! haa
tomiko: haa (nods) un momento! (whips out her english translator)
oh, nonono!

tomiko "too tall"

pharmacists are the only ones who can figure out doctors' handwriting

don't make me choose between a girl and my car

110425
sokhim: (exiting hollister) that's not me. I can't wear those. I don't wanna be white washed (then enters abercrombie)

sokhim: don't come near me! I have pepper spray!
anh: I'm wearing glasses

110426
duh boss in a bad mood? when is he ever in a good mood?

I still have no use for twitter since facebook is MY twitter!

rich, that's a little too high above the neck. you're not massaging anymore. that's strangling!

emily can out-eat a big guy ANYDAY!

anh: funny how people don't trust me with their sisters
rich: I can't even trust you with your own sister!

rich seems a little tipsy. I'm beginning to think that's not really water in his mug

alex: you wanna try some thai tea?
sarvy: oh no, thanks
don: here, try some lee's coffee with a hint of vanilla
sarvy: mmm... yeah, it tastes so much better than that $#@% alex is having!

don: if you were a super hero, who would you be a better fit for?
anh: RICH!

anh: don, my mom's making your favorite asian food!
(don listens in anticipation)
anh: BURGERS!

when a pretty woman gets angry, I'm even more turned on!

don has horse teeth. he can possibly open a can of beans with those!

110427
matinee movie ticket: $10.00
medium soft drink: $12.00 (wait. whaaat?)
making out in the back of the theater next to a family of 5: PRICELESS

maria: too HOT!
anh: I know he's the company eye candy and all, but please, stop gawking at rich!

joanna: wow! nice! is that a phone?
anh: no, it's a small screen TV

sister: asian butts are not made for thongs

(to my mom about my sister)
she likes meat balls! give her two

110428
they drive at barely 30mph and brake every 10ft... stick to go-karts, dude!

filipinos must have night vision. they never turn the light on!

guys pick on girls they like. that means every single one of my guy friends have a crush on my sister... including ME!

anh: whatchu doing up here? getting the floor ready for a party?
raffy: yeah, BYOB!
anh: what is that? "bring your own bitch"?
raffy: yeah!
anh: so I can bring RICH!

110429
whatta frak?! really? just stepped on gum on a hot day! really?! I rather step on poop!

110430
tram: so how's your brother's girlfriend?
bao: oh good!
anh: still korean?

anh: chicken or beef?
bao: yes!

bao: hey, I was worried. you haven't posted anything for the last 8 hours!
anh: boob, I was sleeping

haa they're playing TUPAC with explicit lyrics in a family place like VOLCANO milk teas! you gotta love asian hangouts that don't obey any rules!

sister: (being out of touch with american pop) so, is he still making songs? that rapper... uh... KENYA--
anh: WEST, africa?

you mean I can sink my TWITTER updates with FACEBOOK?! MUAHAHAA the damage I can do!

(working on a DVD cover in photoshop)
anh: whatta pho? do you see this? why is this layer doubling when I try to move it?
christine: did you spike your orange juice?

"you ever dated somebody so long, you hope they cheat on you?" STEVE BYRNE (standup comic)

I can't eat while watching standup comics. i risk spitting food out every time!

"sleep is what I think about when I wake up" STEVE BYRNE

110431
people think I'm drunk before I even drink