SKITS - JANUARY

110102
showering. $#@%! phone not water gijdfuufigjggiog

110103
anh: so raf, have you been practicing with your new SLR?
raffy: I can't find any naked women to shoot, man!
anh: haa what?!
raffy: I keep aiming my camera at random women, but they're all covered up!

I don't trust the cooks from ALERTO'S to be washing their hands. I don't wanna know what they roll into those burritos!

don't you lay a hand on my friend, bitch! I'll take you down! haa JK hospital bills are expensive!

110104
people should stay on vacation permanently so that I can hit the freeway to work!

I find it HILARIOUS when asian americans comment to each other in their native language alienating EVERYONE ELSE. why the PHO do you have to talk in codes?! it's like saying, "hahaa! I'm better than you cuz I can use CHOPSTICKS!"

let's start a FIGHT CLUB! RULE #1: girls only... RULE #2: no hair pulling... RULE #3: FIST FIGHTING! (kicking and makeup optional)

RULE #0: we do not talk about FIGHT CLUB! ... oh $#@%, I need to delete my last status!

there's a small plastic "juice it up" cup on the ground next to the toilet. I'm tempted to practice my aim

anh: how do you stand being indoor all day?
rich: it's not indoor when you're out of your mind

livvy: people think I'm filipina
anh: just because you're dark?
livvy: yeah. this one frat boy asked me if I spoke-- what was that? taga-- tagalog?
david: cantaloupe? he asked you if you spoke cantaloupe?
livvy: haa yeah! I told him "no" that I'm half vietnamese and--
david: half cactus

jimmy: I'm half black... below the waist

livvy: you like this song?
jimmy: yeah, I listen to everything.
I listen to music you don't even like!

livvy: do you do heroine?
jimmy: yeah, I shoot up my leg instead so the scars don't show up on my arm

110105
she hasn't rubbed me the wrong way. (innuendo implied!)

my gaydar is officially broken

Rich is so harmless, any girl who sleeps with him regains her virginity

koreans are the sequoias of asians. I hate you, david kook!

110106
RICH: guess who your best friend, don, went to see yesterday?
ANH: who?
RICH: your ex
ANH: JOY? REALLY?!
RICH: CHAMSUTGOL!
ANH: F@#% YOU!

HOLY $#@%! CL of 2NE1 can not only speak korean and english, but also japanese and french?! FRENCH! I'm grabbing some duck tape. START THE VAN!

can't stand christmas albums. I rather listen to tone "death" metal

110107
anh: is this the cable you gave me?
rich: yeah
anh: I need a female
carmen: another one? what do you have now? an entourage?!
anh: haa yeah! I need a converter to connect the laptop to my TV
rich: oh, you need a gender changer
carmen: haa sounds like a SKIT!
anh: yeah! I need a female, but she has to change her gender

asians shouldn't be throwing the N-word around so easily! damn gooks

hairspray also works as an effective pepper spray. my eyes are still burning

taking my sister on a date. who knows, I might get lucky! hehe

110108
kim: why is it moving around?
jon: that's what she said!

anh: rich is the man with the plan! he's quite knowledgeable. he's the opposite of don. except that he's not that great in bed
brittany: so don is?

rich: wait. it's 108° in here?!
jon: that's the water heater temperature!

jon: I have a suggestion... maybe we can watch... MACHETE!

110110
how can you choose between two feuding galpals when they're both so HOT?!

don: so who was at the party? / anh: everyone I love! / don: was rich there? / anh: well, maybe not everyone I love

you should've been at the party! krystle was wearing next to nothing! I felt like I was at the candy store without any money to buy anything!

livvy: does don really smell that bad? / anh: he's a STINKER!

even if I'm not on facebook, DROID will be

how do you choose between two feuding guy friends when they're both so HOT?!

was away from my droid for 5 min, and started to feel jittery... WITHDRAWAL I tell ya! FRAK!

people don't like reading long statuses. so I'm a keep this sh

FACEBOOK. RULE #1: you CAN talk about facebook / RULE #2: do NOT frakkin' add coworkers! / RULE #3: read RULE #2

oney: let's play a game! are you smarter than a 5th grader? / anh: I date 5th graders

I wanted to be a serial killer when I grew up, but I actually like people =(

I'm a have "TUNISIANO" done next to my "ABBA" tattoo

livvy: did you find out what you ran over?
anh: don's dignity

chinky honda civics...

I'm a be uncensored on twitter. unless that's already too late O_o

doesn't look like I'll have much use for TWITTER, other than stalking rosario dawson, when I can spam you guys here! MUAHAHAA

110111
now, why would you bother driving a merc if you don't keep it clean? "checkout my silver spoon I NEVER wash!"

rich: I'm telling you. I'm not boyfriend material / kyle: you're girlfriend material?

TWITTER, you are sooo Zzzzzz

just LOVE coconut! give me rosario dawson with some coconut juice, and I'm SET!

I can give a guy a seriously great back massage WITHOUT getting aroused. take THAT, jong!

my nerdy IT coworker, rich, walks with a bounce. SO CUTE! I think he should try hip-hop dancing!

silly rabbit... RICH is a kid!

show me you can tie a cherry with your tongue on a first date, and you're GUARANTEED a second!

rich: I hear you're pretty quick in bed, anh! / anh: you ASS! when do YOU finish? / rich: I NEVER finish / anh: so you got blue balls?

kyle: HAAA-CHU! / rich: would you MIND not facing me next time?!

buffalo wings and beer?! HELL NO! BRISKETS and BEER... and SOJU!

110112
jimmy tran: here in my car, I feel the
GUYLIAN belgian chocolates! YUMMY! can they be better than sex?! no. they're sooo good! but no.

kyle: I can't turn my phone off on the plane! what if someone calls me? what if anh updates his facebook STATUS?!

rich: kyle, whatever you just did, I can feel it against my right cheek

asian girl-who's-gonna-hate-me-for-this: I don't care for asian music / anh: I remember when I was young and stupid

I'm in a loving mood and I didn't need to drink for it! <3 (that always looks more like a butt to me)

kyle: anh can get away with what he says cuz he's ANH

rich: anh wishes he was mrs. rich! / anh: only if I care for breasts

try not to lose your virginity at the big bear retreat. the sleeping bag I lent you comes with a deadbolt lock

if you're a hottie who can speak korean, you'll most likely be hired by me-- regardless of experience!

don: is that the same iron gym pullup bar rich has? / anh: yeah, any REAL man should already have one, DON!

110113
rich: why are you poking a hole into the wall?
anh: to hang my calendar! like my ex, manda, it's just a hole

it's not fellatio if you don't deepthroat-- it's just sucking

smart women do stupid things

women take offense too easily. they don't know i'm kidding if I don't include a happy face at the end! i understand =)

those of you going to the big bear retreat, hit the hot tub time machine! it's a TRIP!

that powdered sugar body lotion from "simple pleasures" smells sooo good I could eat myself!

holy $#@% child-proof wrapping! I want my kit-kats!

tonight, I'm having dinner with the smu-- uh, good company!

need I mention, I have white people in my dinner party, tonight! YEAH!

livvy looks bitchy, but she's actually sweet... kelley looks sweet, but she's actually bitchy!

livvy: omigod! are you don?! I've heard so much about you through anh! / don: really? / anh: he's a legend! / david: unfortunately, he's real =(

don: I'm not as dumb as I look!

IT'S OFFICIAL! kelley's still INCHEONWON AYCE BBQ heavyweight champion!

110114
kelley nagano is 2NE1's unofficial bitchy 5th member! "can't nobody" hold her down!

zodiac sign changes? don't believe everything you read! only what I post. hehe

I'd take a bullet for my nephew. HECK! I'd wear don's STINKY underwear... as a hat

I'm a become an antisocial moron and stay home in order to save money for a while. so please, stop asking me to go out unless it's for... 2NE1~!

funny how people still ask questions about certain things. just GOOGLE it or TUBE it! / "what's 'google'?" O_o

there's a newly launched social network. sign up to MYFACE.com!

jason: is your sister (georgina) a girl? / kyle: yeah! why would you ask that?! / jason: cuz a real woman can't look that good!

rich: I perform magic tricks for your teenie bopping galpals / anh: what? make your penis disappear?

most guys masturbate, rich lays eggs

playing ANGRY BIRDS on level... 2NE1~!

getting my baby serviced... the CAR, people! THE CAR!

20110117
where's that frakkin' EASY button?!

unnamed: do I look fat in this dress? / anh: honestly?

when you feel fat, hang with people fatter than you

I'm waiting for her boyfriend to "disappear". don, start the van!

kidnapping is pretty fun. it gets complicated when they see your face though

"don't fall in love with me, okay?" / "haa! I won't! I don't even like you!"

110119
bryan: why do you get to work an hour late everyday?
kyle: cuz I value my sleep
anh: and we don't?

will take you out for pho sometime! don't tell cassie! wait. this whole wall is set to BRITT ONLY, right?

your best friend is not necessarily your one phone call. contact rich instead! he's more reliable. (stupid, don...)

anh: you know what krystle smells like?
don: what?
anh: forbidden... PLEASURE!

don: monica bellucci ages really well!
anh: oh yeah! must be all that chain smoking

I go to shabu shabu when I feel like going to bed hungry

refrain from using sarcasm. it just creates more confusion... don smells sooo good!

anh: I can just eat yours. looks like candy
unnamed: Oh haha mine is delicious

you're not short. it's just that everyone else is taller

unnamed: Lol how r u and Krystle? Her bf died yet?
anh: haa I can't wish that. I'm not APPLE

think of me as your un-gay best guy friend

110120
french actress MARION COTILLARD won an oscar for portraying singer edif piaf in "la vie en rose". a song from that same singer was featured in "INCEPTION" where cotillard also co-starred as dicapprio's wife! tribute or EERY coincidence?! *twilight zone theme song plays*

forget about beating red lights. try it with the train. it's so much more thrilling!

some of my friends are not the sharpest tool in the shed, but what can I do? stupid people are fun too

jimmy tran: I don't think you understand what she got me...it just looks like a flashlight...but it does so much more!!

don: isn't it what's on the inside that counts?
his sister: haa that's what ugly people say!

about crowding your newsfeeds, I'm not sorry!

brown M&Ms taste better than yellows!

got sunkist from a coke machine

110121
mom: whoa! how are you texting so fast? it's like you're using black magic!
anh: it's called SWYPING

5th 2NE1 member Kel-E to debut first solo album before Park Bom! WOOHOO!

just had incheonwon again! don't blame me. livvy threatened me with her strap-on dildo if I didn't agree to go! O_o

110122
showed off the plate of tacos to my mom and said, "i LOVE mexican!". then she stared me down... what?

my nephew's head is so massive. I bet he could move objects with his mind if he wanted to! freaky little alien

110124
My total facebook views are: Crystal Mira

kyle is unloading in the restroom... and my workdesk is right next to it. HELP!

way. too. early. for this! can't. BREATHE!

brent bacheller: if your subject isn't photogenic, use double flash

you mean to tell me there's no 13th FLOOR?!

lanice: you're so white!
anh: you haven't seen me with a beard

kyle, can you stop texting me? I'm sitting right in front of you!

another word of advice:
do NOT add your boss to facebook!

I swype "mustang" and "mustard" appears

"a place to find girls"? uh... in the kitchen or the bedroom

don: the restaurant closes at 7:30 though!
anh: FRAK! no prob. I'll get there by 7:29

brittany's dogs smell better than don... even when they're WET!

fujie: brittany, how old are you?
don: she's not old enough to drink
anh: f@#% that. she's not even old enough to eat PHO!

carmen: whatta f@#%, anh?! did your shaver break over the weekend?!
anh: HAA! it's an experiment!

110125
rich: do you want me to show you how to shave?
anh: like you would know how. you have NOTHING to shave!

110126
I don't delete "friends" anymore-- not that evil... I BLOCK! muahHAHAA

video chat? but what if your girlfriend is not a looker?

when the phone case is more expensive than the phone itself, you're getting jipped

how can some people eat without a drink? it's like having sex without lube!

I can't entirely trust anyone anymore. at least, my dog never lies to me

custom exhaust for their beat up car. I hear a lot of noise, just not much acceleration

rich is completely hairless! I know women who can grow more than him!

if rich had a clone, he'd babysit kyle's clone!

if jong had a clone, he'd do himself!

kyle wouldn't have just one, but a WHOLE crew of backup dancers and a CHOIR!

rich: what would you have your clone do if you had one?
anh: well... he'd be on facebook

(don theater-hopping with his kid again)
usher: excuse me, sir! you need 3D glasses for this one
don: F@#%!

some like my hair up, others down. some like my beard, others don't. some like me straight, others want me gay. make up your mind, people!

110128
16 is the new 18

anh: here, take this one. I have two bananas
rich: wow! lucky for girls!

have you ever dropped food and didn't know where it went? (that's one fast rat!)

rich: can you drive me home?
anh: oh come on! that's just gonna be more wear and tear on my tires! you're HEAVY! just take a cab!

whoever ate more pays less. I'm SAFE! HAA

don: do you know about orko?
lanice: no, but I know he-man and I know she-la!
anh: "she-la"?! you mean "she-ra"! you might as well say "churros"!

110130
seriously, I dreamt about replying to friends' comments! WHAT?!

I like how new peeps try to hide their face from my aim. little do they know, my camera already shot them before it was EVEN turned on!

my asianess really comes out when I laugh wholeheartedly! I'm a be like my ex and stop smiling

aunt: can I have the chicken with just the white meat?
anh: you might as well order chicken without the meat!
waiter: yeah! what do you think this is, lady-- a 5-star restaurant?!

if I have to choose, it would be breasts over thighs-- the chicken, people! the CHICKEN!

110131
(texting)
anh: where are you?
kyle: dead! haa just kidding. not feeling too well
(really? he had to add "just kidding"? REALLY?!)

rich: what's a male version of an old maid?
carmen: you

some peeps use more than just their thumb to clock into work

rich: I couldn't recognize chau yesterday
anh: it was dark! you told me it was her. so I hugged her whether or not it was!

(talking to nephew)
anh: you're so ugly! I wanna take YOU home!
ethan: haa but I'm already home!
anh: yeah, you better be, you... little $@#%!

anh: are you a bond fan?
rich: no, I don't care for any of the bond films
anh: what? really?! I told you rich doesn't care for most things!
carmen: how can you not like james bond?! that is so unamerican!
rich: isn't bond british?